College Days
by SilverChaosMageChione
Summary: Yes, the gang's in college. But things just keep getting more bizarre by the day! Will Yugi be able to keep his sanity, or will he fall victem to the chaos and stupidity just like everyone else? This year is bound to be a gong show...
1. The Roommates

Chione: amazing, ain't it. My third new Yugioh fic in two weeks! Wow…

Yami:-_glare_- why don't you stop making the new ones and finish the ones you already started?

Chione: -_whacks Yami_- because the ideas keep coming! -_to readers_- well, actually, I just got this idea today. And well, I've been longing to write a stupid story that's just for laughs for SO long! But I never have, because all my stories are (somewhat) serious.

Joey: and I don't get to use my A Material!

Chione: exactly. So, dear readers, the story you are about to beginning reading has no historical background, and no real substance as my others do. At barely has anything to do with the anime Yugioh at all, now that I think about it… It's purely for shits and giggles.

Austin Powers: groovy baby! Yeah!

Chione: thanks Austin -_pushes Austin out a window_- Anywho, as I said before, this story is purely for comical entertainment, and more than likely most of it will either A- not make sense, B- be pointless and/or C- be completely irrational.

Yugi: yay to irrational stuff!

Yami: o.O YUGI! You're on _her_ side!

Chione: yes, he is on _my_ side. Wait- what?

Yugi: I'm tired of all the serious stories. I want to do something fun in Chione's stories for once!

Yami: o.O

Chione: and fun it will be.For the readers, anyways. Can't say as much for you characters, though…

Characters: o.O um…

Chione: well, as the summary says, it's bound to be a gong show. Except, this first chapter won't be too funny. There's too much explaining to do. So, let's get to it then!

* * *

"OH MY GOD, THIS PLACE IS AWESOME!" 

Yugi stood at the door of his new home, a four bedroom apartment just beside the college campus he'd be going to at the beginning of next week. In front of him was the living room, already filled with boxes from his other two roommates. Already set up was the entertainment center with stereo and plasma TV hooked up. A long couch sat before it, and a chair that didn't match it all was beside it.

To his right, with just a line of cabinets setting apart, was the small kitchen. Boxes of eating ware was sitting on its cupboards and Yugi saw that three toasters sat in a row, which made him regret packing his own. Just off from the kitchen Yugi could see the bathroom.

Beside the bathroom was two bedrooms, one had its door firmly closed to show that one of his unknown roommates had already called in, the other had a sign taped to the door reading "Taken". On the other side of the room were the other two rooms, but boxes already cluttered the floor of the one on the right, meaning Yugi got what was left.

"This place sure is noisy." A gruff voice mumbled as it entered in after Yugi. His grandfather was carrying two of Yugi's bags, as did Yugi, the rest of his stuff was in the car waiting outside the building.

"What do you expect, Gramps?" Yugi asked as he took his stuff to his room. There was already a bed and dress, though both were bare. Above the bed were two shelves, also barren. "Everyone's just getting settled in." He finished. Though an apartment building, the residents were all young men and women who would also be going to the same college as Yugi. The building was for those who didn't want to live on campus, but close enough to walk.

"Yugi, I'm not sure I like the idea of you living in the same building as girls." Solomon said as he put Yugi's things on the bed. "They'll be a distraction to your studying."

"Don't worry about it." Yugi assured him. "I'm so glad I got into this college, I'll try my best to stay. So, no distractions for me."

"I hope so." The old man warned, wagging a finger at him. "Now, you start unpacking, I'll get the rest of your things from the car."

_Yugi?_ A familiar voice piped once his grandfather had left the room. Within Yugi's mind he could sense the presence of his alter ego rise to the surface. To Yugi's eyes the nameless spirit he called Yami took a spot leaning against the lone window beside the bed, though Yugi knew Yami was just in his mind and not in he world around him.

_What's wrong, Yami?_ Yugi asked as he opened one of his bags and began putting his clothes in his dresser.

The spirit had a confused look on his face, though he tired to hide it. _What exactly is this place?_

Yugi sighed. Sometimes it was hard for the ancient spirit to grip the concepts of the modern world. _It's our new home. We'll be living here all year while I go to college._

Yami gave him a funny look. _What is "college"?_

_I already told you._ Yugi said, a bit irritated at having to tell him again. Then again, he did explain it while Yami's shows were on, so more than likely the spirit hadn't been paying attention. Silently Yugi cursed sitcoms and continued with his explanation. _It's the kind of school you go to after high school. It will let me get a better job._

_You need to go to college to become a duelist?_ The other him asked, baffled. _But you're already the best duelist in the world! You don't have to come here!_

_Yami, you can't be a duelist for a job._ Yugi told him gently.

At this Yami looked shocked and appalled. _What are you talking about! Of course you can!_

_No, you can't Yami._ The short young man said, shaking his head slowly. _It doesn't work like that. Being a duelist is more of a hobby. You can't make lost of money doing it, you need a real job._

To this Yami said nothing, just sat down on the floor looking cross. Slowly his figure faded, and Yugi knew he had retreated back into the golden ruin around his neck to contemplate the latest blow that the modern world had thrown at him.

Soon his grandfather had returned, dropped off a few more boxes, and went back for more. Yugi silently worked on setting up his room; after he had unpacked his clothes he made up his bed and started to put pictures of his friends and him on the top of his dresser. He knew that all of his friends were coming to this college, which was why it appealed so much to Yugi, but he didn't know if they were living on or off campus or not.

Voices entered into the living room and Yugi figured that one of his roommates must have come back from wherever they had been.

_I guess it's time to go introduce himself._ Quickly checking to make sure his appearance was good for a first impression, Yugi went out into the living room with a large smile on his face.

"Hey, Yugi!"

The people in the room said friendly greetings, and Yugi smiled as he recognized all of them. But before he could say how happy he was to see his friends, one of them had jumped off and over the couch and had tackled him.

"Joey, get off of him!" Tea cried from where she had been sitting on the chair. "You'll crush him!"

"Oh, sorry Yug." The blonde on top of him muttered and got up, pulling Yugi to his feet as he did. Yugi grinned up at his best friend, then over at Tea and Tristan who were sitting there with amused looks on their faces.

"What are you guys doing here?" Yugi asked. "Did Grandpa see you downstairs and send you guys up?"

"What are you talking about?" Joey questioned as he returned to his spot on the couch. "I was going to ask what you were doing here."

Yugi blinked in confusion. "I'm living here, this is my apartment."

"No shit!" Joey cried, a broad grin on his face. "Man, I live here too!"

"You do!"

"Yeah!"

Yugi smiled, relieved that he didn't have to live with two complete strangers. He looked over at Tea and Tristan. "Do either of you live here too?"

"No." Tristan said sadly, shaking his head. "I live in a dorm on campus. It's sad, because I saw some really hot chicks when we headed up here. I mean, the girls in this building have really huge-" Before he could finish Tea had picked up a pillow that was on the floor hand threw it at Tristan, getting him right in the face. Tristan, who had been sitting on the arm of the couch, fell backwards and onto the floor where he continued to lay there motionlessly.

Yugi shook his head at Tristan, then turned to Tea. "What about you?"

"No, I'm living with my aunt just a block from the college." She told him.

"Then I wonder who our other roommates are." Yugi mumbled, taking Tristan's spot at the end of the couch.

"I don't know, but one of them has money." Joey said, nodding towards the TV.

"Joey, you said that was yours." Tea told him.

At this he smiled. "Yeah, mine now. But no, the only thing I bough for the rest of the apartment was a toaster and that chair." He pointed to the recliner Tea was sitting in.

"You're so cheap." Tea mumbled.

"Yeah, you are." Yugi agreed. "Even I brought some stuff."

"Like what?"

Yugi glared back at Joey, then looked down at his hands. "A toaster, a chair, and a table."

"AHHA!" Joey cried, jumping up from his chair and pointing at Yugi. "You're just as bad as me!"

"Hey, I at least brought a table, too!" Yugi told him, but knew it was a lost cause.

"Oh great…" A voice muttered from the doorway. "I'm living with the geek squad…"

All eyes (even Tristan's, who was still lying on the floor) moved to the door to see a familiar shape standing there. Seto Kaiba met their gazes with his own cold one before walking in and placing a box of things on the kitchen counter.

"At least you don't have to live with strangers, Seto!" Mokuba said cheerfully as he walked in after his brother with a lamp in his arms. Yugi thought to himself how strange it was that Mokuba was now in his early teens. How time flew.

"I think I'd prefer the strangers." Kaiba muttered darkly.

"Yeah, well we're not so hot with having to live with you." Joey snapped back at him. To Yugi he mouthed silently "Oh my god, we have to live with _him_!"

"I guess there's only one person left." Tea mumbled.

"Actually, we know who the fourth roommate is." Mokuba told her as he placed the lamp on a small side table between chair and wall and plugged it in.

"Who is it?" Yugi asked, glancing over at Kaiba. By the look on the brunette's face, he didn't like the living arrangements at all.

"You'll have to find out for yourself." The preteen said for his brother. "But I can say who lives across the hall." Slowly he moved towards the door, grabbing a backpack that obviously belong to him and slung it over his shoulder.

"A hot girl!" Tristan asked, sitting up straight with a hopeful look on his face.

"No." Mokuba told him. "Duke Devlin and Ryou Bakura, along with two other people I don't know. Well, nice seeing you all." With that he disappeared back into the hall. Yugi, Tristan and Tea mumbled "good-byes" even though he was already gone.

"Devlin!" Joey nearly spat out the name. "My whole school experience has just been completely killed! I should drop out right now!"

"Why do that when you'll just flunk out soon enough?" Kaiba asked coldly from the kitchen. "Even though I have to say I'm surprised you're even here, Wheeler. I didn't know this school taught monkeys."

Joey jumped up from his seat. "You want to go, rich boy!"

"Joseph, behave!" A gruff voice ordered. Yugi's grandfather had returned with the last of his things. "You all have to live together, so you might as well _try_ to get along."

"Yes, sir…" Joey mumbled as he sat back down.

"Hey, Grandpa, how about we go get the table from the car?" Yugi offered, getting up from the couch and stretching a bit.

"Oh, no need." Solomon said as he put his own burden down on the couch. "I ran into you're other roommate, and he and few familiar faces said that they'd bring it up for you."

"Our other roommate?" Yugi asked, glancing at Joey. He was also standing and looking at the door.

Solomon looked out into the hall and waved a hand for someone to come this way. "Just in here."

As the old man stepped away from the hall, three figures entered the apartment, though only two where moving the table.

"Be careful around the corners!" The smallest person ordered.

Yugi and the others just gawked at them. Finally, he found the voice to speak. "Marik, Rebecca? What are you two doing here?" Then his eyes moved to the person at the far end of the table. "Oh, and hey Duke." He added.

Upon hearing her name, the girl spun around, her eyes wide. "Yugi! I'm so happy that you go here!" She then squealed and threw herself at him. The sudden weight hit him hard, and Yugi fell back, toppling over the couch and landing on its cushions. For the second time that day Yugi was being crushed, and his Puzzle dug into his stomach.

"Rebecca!" Joey stammered, finally able to speak again. He turned to the other two. "And Marik! What's going on?"

"Oh, I already go here, Joey." Rebecca told him from where she sat on Yugi. Like Mokuba, she too had aged over the years, bringing her into the early teenagehood. "I've gone here since last year. Kid genius, you know. Oh, and Marik's your roommate."

"Um… hi?" The other young adult said, smiling a bit and waving at them.

"Why doesn't anyone wonder what I'm doing here?" Duke asked, crossing his arms and looking irritated.

"Mokuba already told us you live across the hall." Tristan said from where he (still) lay on the floor.

"Will you get up from there!" Tea asked, throwing another pillow at him. Tristan managed to grab it, but reluctantly sat up.

"The floor's comfortable…" He mumbled.

Tea ignored him and turned back to Marik. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Ishizu and I agreed that it would be nice if I studied abroad." Marik explained as he and Duke moved the table over to the space between kitchen and living room. "So, I thought where better than Japan where I know a few people? I have to say, I'm happy that I know the people I'm living with rather than having to live with people I don't. Saves a lot of explaining on my behalf." He gave a sheepish grin and went into the room that was labeled "Taken".

"Great, I'm living with a freak show…" Kaiba mumbled. During the whole thing he had made himself coffee and now retreated to his room with a mug of it. Joey glared after him and mumbled under his breath.

"Rebecca, where are you living?" Yugi asked. "And, can you please get off of me?"

"Oh, sorry Yugi!" She said apologetically. "And I live just across the hall with Duke and Ryou. My grandpa thought it was best if I didn't live at home and got the full college experience."

Joey gave her a questioning look. "You seem too young to be having a "full college experience", don't you think?"

"Joey!" Tea cried, throwing yet another pill at Joey and managing to hit him in the back of the head.

"I don't know…" Tristan mumbled, eyeing Rebecca. "I think a full experience is just what you need. You know, I would be more than happy to he-" Again, his words were muffled by fabric as Tea hit her mark.

"You leave her alone, you perv!" Tea warned. She then sat down beside Rebecca and draped an arm around the younger girl's shoulder. "Now, don't you take any of that sort of act from any guy here. If you have a problem, just come tell me."

"It's alright." Rebecca said brightly. "I have my Yugi right across the hall, he'll take care of me!" Without warning, she latched onto Yugi, but he was still staring at Tea with his mouth gaping.

Tea blinked at him. "Yugi, you ok?"

"Where are you getting all the pillows!" He cried.

Again, she just blinked. "From that box." She pointed to a box beside the chair with the "Pillows" labeled in black marker. Yugi stared at her, feeling a sweat drop form on his head.

"Well, I have my own things to unpack." Duke declared, marching over to the door. Before he walked through it, though, he spun around and leaned on the doorframe. "And don't forget about the party tonight!"

"What party?" Yugi asked.

"The Start of the Year Party." Rebecca told him as she got up and headed over to the door as well. "There's always one in the apartment buildings off campus, and this year its here. It's just a big party to celebrate everyone moving in, and let's you get to know the people you'll be going to school with. Anyway, it was great seeing you all. Bye Yugi." She blew him a kiss then went over to her room across the hall.

"It's not so you can "get to know the people you'll be going to school with" as Miss Innocent says." Duke mumbled as Rebecca disappeared into their apartment. "It's so you can get shit faced and maybe sleep with some of the people you'll be going to school with. Well, see you guys there!"

"Wait, Duke!" Yugi called.

The other young man stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

"Who else is living in your apartment with you?" Yugi asked. "We know Ryou is too, as well as Rebecca, but who else?"

"No one." Duke told him. "No one ever rented out the last room. But I'm pretty sure the three of us can make up rent easy." With that he turned and went across the hall.

"Hey, maybe I should try to get that room." Tristan murmured.

"You will do no such thing!" Tea told him. "You leave Rebecca alone, she's too young for you."

"Yeah." Joey said with equal sternness. "Besides, she's Yugi's."

Yugi blinked. "She's what!"

"Rebecca's yours, man." Joey told him.

"She is no such thing!" Tea said before Yugi got a chance to. He was then about to thank her, when she turned on him. "And you, don't get any funny ideas. Rebecca's a nice, sweet, _young_ girl. Too young for you, even if she is head over heels for you. Do not use her!"

Yugi gaped at her in disbelief. "I would never dream of using her! I'm not even interested in her! Tea, this is me we're talking about. You know I would never do that!"

"Yeah, well, people change." Tea told him. "Even over a short of time as during the summer. Anyway, I have to get back to my aunt's. See you all later." Before Yugi could argue more she disappeared.

"Well, I have to go see if there are any hot chicks in my dorm house." Tristan mumbled, finally getting off the floor as he did. "Have fun with your roomies." He added over his shoulder as he left the apartment.

"Shuttup, Tristan!" Joey cried after him, throwing a pillow he pulled from the box. But his aim wasn't like Tea's, and the pillow hit the wall beside the door. Joey collapsed into the recliner chair and sighed heavily. "Well, this should be an interesting year. Think it's not too late to start school somewhere else?"

Yugi didn't answer, just wonder what exactly could happen between now and the end of the year. Though, nothing would prepare him for what would happen over the next few weeks…


	2. The Morning After

Chione: right now I want to thank Talai, who has been helping me with ideas with this story. Thank you Talai! -_throws confetti_-

Talai: o.O right… -_grabs Bakura and runs off_-

Chione: HEY, I NEED HIM! -_chases after her with a wooden spoon_-

* * *

"Oh… my head…"

Yugi rubbed his temples. His head was pounding.

_This is the single most worst hangover I've ever had!_ Yugi thought to himself. _Then again, I never really have hand many…_ He smiled to himself ruefully. But smiling made his head hurt more, so he stopped.

Sitting up, he saw he was in his room. The door to his room was open and he could see Tristan sprawled out across the floor (again). Apparently he hadn't returned to his dorm last night.

"What a party…" A voice said from beside him.

"Yeah." Yugi told the speaker, a bit groggy still. "I can't even remember what happened."

"Neither can I." The person beside him sat up, scratching his bare chest.

_Bare chest?_ Yugi thought to himself. _He must be naked… and I think I am too…_ It took a few moments for the thoughts to register, but when they did Yugi let out a shout and jumped from the bed, pulling his comforter with him and wrapping it around himself, all in a single movement.

His "bedmate" must've been thinking along the same lines, because he too let out a cry and wrapped the sheet around himself. Yugi and the other male looked at each other for some time before they recognized one another.

"Yami!"

"Yugi!"

The two stared in disbelief. Someway, somehow, the spirit of the Puzzle was sitting before Yugi, flesh and blood. Bare flesh and blood, with only the Puzzle to adorn his form.

"What the hell happened last night!" Yugi demanded. "How are you here! And what are you doing in my bed!"

"I just told you I didn't remember last night either!" Yami snapped back at him. "I don't know how I'm here, or why I'm in your bed."

"W-we didn't do anything, did we?"

Yami blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You don't think _did_ anything?" Yugi rephrases the question.

The former spirit stares at him. "NO!"

"That's a relief…" Yugi sighed.

"If we had, one of our asses would be hurting." Yami adds.

"Yami!"

"What?" Yugi just gives him a look, and Yami shrugs. "It just further proves nothing happened."

"That's true." Yugi mumbles. "In a disgusting way. I need to get dressed." Quickly he goes through his draws, and under the safety of his comforter he pulls on underwear, sweats and a T-shirt. Then he throws some clothes to Yami. "Get dress, I'm seeing if any other weird things have happened."

He closes the door behind him to let Yami change. Yugi then goes over to Tristan and looks at him. Throughout the shouting match, his friend hadn't woken up. Now Yugi lightly taps him with his toe.

"Tristan?" Yugi says. "Tristan, wake up!"

The brunette only mumbles, "Five more minutes…" and rolls over onto his side, letting out a new string of snores.

Yugi stalks over to the kitchen and begins brewing a new batch of coffee. As he does, he fills up a glass of water and thinks.

_How is it possible that Yami is here?_ He wonders as he goes over to Tristan again, with the glass in his hand. _This is too weird! What did happen last night? I'll have to ask around…_

The spiky haired youth stopped beside Tristan. He held out his hand over the other young man's head, then tipped the contents of the glass onto his head.

"AH!" Tristan cried as the freezing water touched his skin. He sat up in an instant, dripping water all over the floor.

"Did you have a nice sleep?" Yugi asked, an amused look crossing his face.

Tristan just stared at him before he remembered who Yugi was. "What happened last night? I don't remember a thing!"

The other male frowned. It seemed Tristan would be no help in uncovering what exactly had happened. Yugi just sighed and grabbed a mop, holding it out to Tristan. "Clean up the water, then go back to your own dorm!"

Reluctantly Tristan grabbed the mop and began to clean up. As Yugi went back to the kitchen for the brewing coffee the door to Joey's room opened and he stepped out into the living room.

"What's all the yelling about?" The blonde demanded. Yugi and Tristan stared at him, their mouths gaping. "What?"

Slowly Yugi raised a hand and pointed at his friend's head. "Why… are you wearing a furry hat?"

"Furry hat?" Joey stepped back into his room and looked at a mirror. Atop his head was indeed a brown, furry hat. "I don't know, didn't even realize I was wearing something." He stepped back into the living room. "What a party, huh? I can't remember what hap-"

But he was cut off, because at that moment the hat on Joey's head moved. All three in the room let out a shout as the brown, furry _thing_ began to quiver.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Joey cried. He grabbed the mop from Tristan's hand and began trying to hit the "hat". But the thing kept moving on his head, making Joey hit himself instead. Still, he didn't give up and kept swing the mop at himself.

"What's going on!" Yami came out of Yugi's room and stop in his tracks when he saw Joey. "What the-?" But he was cut off as well when the mop nearly hit him.

Yugi was frantically trying to grab the mop from Joey's hands, though trying not to get hit at the same time. "Joey!" He yelled. "Stop it! You're doing nothing!"

"Get it off! Get it off!" Was all the blonde would say, his full attention on trying to beat the thing off his head. But, instead, he was just beating himself.

"What's going on out here?" A new voice questioned. Marik had emerged from his own room and stared wide-eyed at what was going on.

"We're having a bit of trouble!" Yugi murmured, again trying to grab the mop. Just then Joey spun around, and the end of the mop got Yugi in the face, throwing him back and onto the floor.

Yami rubbed his head. "Enough!" He cried, and waved a hand at Joey. Instantly the blonde froze up, as if his body refused to move anymore.

"I didn't know you could do that…" Yugi mumbled, sitting up on the floor.

The furry thing on Joey's head began to quiver again, then it sat up. Four little green legs popped out of the fur and two round eyes looked around at the others.

"Many thanks, good fellow." The little critter said from an unseen mouth. "This bloke was going to pummel me to death, I dare say!" Everyone in the room just stared at it, their mouths gaping.

"Are you-? No, you can't be… can you?" Yugi ask, taken aback.

The furry little thing jumped from Joey's head and scurried across the floor to Yugi. "And why can't I be?"

"Because-because you just can't be here!"

"I can, and I am." The little fluff ball said. "I don't remember exactly how I got here. That was one hell of a get together!"

"Is that-is that a Kuriboh?" Tristan asked, baffled.

"That I am!" The critter went over to Tristan and held out a little green paw. "Henry Austin Paul Kuriboh the VIII, but you may just call me "Kuriboh" if you see fit. Jolly good to meet your acquaintance!"

"Same… here…" Tristan mumbled, shaking the monster's paw with a dazed look on his face.

"Um, Yami?" Yugi looked over at his double. "Can you let Joey go?" He nodded towards his friend who was still stuck in place.

"Oh, yeah." The former Pharaoh gestured to Joey again, and the youth fell onto the floor.

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT THING HERE!" Joey asked, pushing himself against a wall.

"I'm not exactly sure myself." Kuriboh told him in a sophisticated manner. "But I am here, and I plan on staying."

Joey just stared back at the thing, then a dark look crossed his face. "If you took a dump on me, I swear I'll-"

"I did not soil you!" Kuriboh muttered. "I do have control over my bowels."

"I still think I need a shower…" The blonde said, quickly crossing over to the bathroom and locking himself in.

"And is no one going to wonder how it's possible how I'm here?" Yami demanded.

Marik finally realized he was there. "How are you here?"

"Yeah?" Tristan asked as well.

Yami shrugged. "No clue."

Both Yugi and Kuriboh shook their heads.

Someone began pounding at their front door, frantically. "Let me in!" A small voice cried. "Please let me in!"

"That sounds like Ryou." Yugi mumbled. "Yami, get the door."

"I'm not your slave!" The spirit said, crossing his arms.

"Just get the door!"

Yami glared at his former host. "Fine." He crossed over to the door and opened it up, letting a very frightened Ryou into the apartment.

"He's going to get me!" The pale young man cried, jumping behind the couch and hiding. "He's going to get me!"

"Who's going to get you?" Yugi asked.

Yami began to close the door, and just as it was about to be fully closed, something hit against it. Hard. The door sprang open, crushing Yami against the wall and emitting whoever was after Ryou.

"Ow, my nose…" Yami mumbled, pushing the door away from him.

To everyone's surprise, the new person who had barged into the room was Ryou's own yami, in the flesh. And rather angry.

"_You_!" Bakura said, pointing at Ryou. He glared daggers at his former host and victim. "You did this to me!"

"I didn't do anything!" Ryou cried, grabbing Yugi by the shoulders and using him as a shield. "I don't know how you got out of the Ring!"

"Liar!" Bakura yelled, taking a few steps closer.

"Yugi, do something!" The pale youth behind Yugi cried. "Make him go away!"

Yugi glanced over his shoulder. "What!"

"Do something! Anything!"

Yugi just looked over his shoulder, then back at the angry yami. He did the only thing he could think of: take his two index fingers and make them into a small cross and say, "Back you evil spirit!"

Bakura just stared at him, utterly confused. He looked around at the others in the room. "Is this suppose to have an effect on me?"

"What kind of attempt is that?" Ryou asked.

Yugi shot him a glare. "I tried!"

"You'll have to try better." Bakura said, his voice menacing. He took a step closer, and a crazy grin spread across his face.

Yugi looked around, then grabbed something off the floor. It was Kuriboh.

"I do say, don't be so rough!" Kuriboh snapped at him.

"Eat hairball!" Yugi said, ignoring Kuriboh's complaints. He threw the monster at Bakura, and the fuzz ball latched onto the thief's face.

"Get it off!" Bakura cried, clawing at Kuriboh. "Get this bloody thing off!"

The hairy thing, on the other hand, looked back at Yugi. "Now what am I suppose to do?"

"I don't know!" Yugi said, frantic. "Explode or something!"

"Oh, right. You owe me one." With that the monster exploded on Bakura's face. When the small puff of smoke cleared, it revealed Bakura standing there, stunned, and his face blackened and hair standing up. Kuriboh sat in his arms, utterly untouched.

"Ow…" Bakura muttered, and smoke came out of his mouth. Then he fell backwards, landing on the ground.

Yugi went over him and pried Kuriboh from his hands. "When he wakes up will have to set some rules for him."

"This is all so weird." Ryou said, looking from Kuriboh to Yami who was still by the door. "What did happen last night?"

"No one seems to remember." Yugi muttered.

"Makes you think what other surprises are out there." Marik added. He held up the pot of coffee. "Coffee anyone?"

They each accepted a mug and sat down on the couch or around it. Joey left the shower and joined them, and quickly they filled him in on the Bakura/Ryou incident.

"We need to set some rules." Marik offered once Joey was caught up. "If others find out that Yami and Bakura are here, and especially if that's-" He pointed to Kuriboh. "-is here, they'll start asking questions."

"Let's try to keep the knowledge of their existence as low as possible." Ryou agreed. "We'll let only those who need to know. Do not tell anyone who doesn't already know about the Millennium Items and stuff like that."

"And don't tell Kaiba." Yugi added.

"Why not?" Yami asked.

Yugi gave him a look. "Kaiba'll freak out! For as long as we can, let's not tell him about this at all."

"Yeah, that is kinda true." Joey added. "But where'll they stay?"

"We have the extra room in our apartment." Ryou offered. "They can stay there."

"There is no way I'm sharing a room with _that_ lunatic!" Yami cried, glancing over at Bakura (who was awake but tied up with duct tape).

"Like I'd want to live with you." The other former spirit sneered. "Or that thing." He nodded over to Kuriboh.

"I guess Yami and Kuriboh will have to stay here…" Yugi sighed.

Joey blinked at him. "How'll that work when we're trying to make sure Kaiba, _who is our roommate_, not know about them?"

"I don't know!" Yugi told him. He looked over to Yami, then over at Kuriboh (who was steadily throwing back mugs of coffee). "You guys will have to stay hidden in my room whenever Kaiba's around, or go over to Ryou's apartment when he's here. But as soon as he's gone you can come out."

"So we'll be prisoners in our own home?" Yami asked, crossing his arms.

Yugi sighed. "For as long as you're staying here: yes."

Yami opened his mouth to retort when someone began to bang at their door again. Yugi and Joey jumped up, then looked at one another.

"What if it's Kaiba?" Joey asked.

"Get them into my room!" Yugi said.

He grabbed Yami by the arm and dragged him over to his room and pushed him in. Joey picked up Kuriboh and tossed him in after the former Pharaoh, and Tristan pushed over Bakura and rolled him into the room.

"Don't say a word, any of you!" Yugi told the three darkly, then closed the door after him. Then he ran over to the front door and opened it.

But it wasn't Kaiba who entered, it was Tea.

"Where have you guys been?" She demanded. "I've been worried sick!"

Everyone in the room just gave her a look. "Why?" Joey questioned.

"Well, you've been gone for so long!" Tea told him. "I thought you might not come back."

"What are you talking about?" Tristan leaned against the wall and gave her a look. "We've been here all night."

Tea just stared at him. "All night? Guys… you've been gone for a week!"

Everyone looked around at each other, then back at Tea. "What!"

"Yeah." Was all she said.

"If we've been gone for a week…" Yugi said, thinking it over. "Then today is…"

"The first day of classes." The girl finished for him.

"OH MY GOD!" Everyone else cried. Frantically the began to get ready, then rushed out the door, completely forgetting about the two former spirits and the little monster in Yugi's room.

Yami's voice echoed through the now empty apartment. "Hello…?"


	3. The Professors

Chione: third chapter, w00t!

Yami: -_sigh_- you are a dork…

Chione: -_whacks Yami_- don't be rude! And only I may say "dork", you dork!

Yami: o.O right…

Chione: anywho, I guess we need a disclaimer. AND THIS DISCLAIMER GOES FOR THE REST OF THE STORY! So don't expect me to be wasting my time restating that I own nothing. And here to do the wonderful deed is Zigfield!

Yami: o.O who?

Chione: one of the new characters in the new season. He's the one with the long pink hair.

Yami: ah…

Chione: so, take it away Ziggie!

Ziggie: -_in his weird European accent_- Chione owns nasing. Apsolutely nasing. Ges zat srough you' heads, you silly Nors Ame'icans. Now, I mus go gez ma hai' dun.

Yami: o.O he talks funny…

Chione: hmm, I'm still trying to figure out what kind of an accent he has… oh well, onto the chapter! Oh, and I'm not sure if there actually is a course called "Ancient Mythology" or "Current Events", but oh well! And Shroomy, the "SPORK!" is for you!

* * *

_What exactly happened at that party?_

Yugi was still trying to put the pieces together as he headed towards his first class, Ancient Mythology. What Tea had told them was a blow; it had been an entire week since that party, and they had been missing since then and no one knew where they had gone.

_We could've done anything during that time._ Yugi thought has he started up the steps into the lecture hall. Other young adults were slowly pushing their way into the building as well, confirming that it was indeed the first day of the new semester.

Once inside the building he found Room 108, his Mythology class. No one he knew had this class with him, so he was lost in a sea of strangers. He moved to a seat near the aisle and sat down, then brought out his books. The thoughts in his head where whirling about.

_Who else had been missing for a week? Anyone else they knew? Did those people, if there were any, remembered what happened as well? And what exactly made them just get up and leave for an entire week?_

While lost in thought the Mythology professor entered the class and took his place at the podium.

"Welcome, my dear students."

Yugi froze while opening his textbook. He knew that voice. He hadn't heard it in years, but he still knew it well! Slowly he raised his gaze to the professor and continued to stare in wonder.

There, in a velvet purple suit, was Dartz.

As if he knew Yugi was staring at him, Dartz looked up at the small young man (with two blue eyes, not one blue and one gold) and smiled sweetly. He then addressed the entire class. "Welcome to Ancient Mythology. I am Professor Dartz. This is my first time teaching this course, but I have a certain fondness for all kinds of mythology. Especially Greek. You could say it's my life." Again he looked at Yugi and gave a small wink. Turning back to the class he continued with the first lesson; what is mythology?

But for Yugi the class went by in a blur. He didn't hear anything Dartz said, he only was amazed at the mere sight of the old king.

When Dartz finally said the class was dismissed, Yugi got up from his seat with the other students. But instead of heading for the door, he walked down to the podium where Dartz was fixing his notes for the next class.

"W-what are you doing here?" Yugi asked.

Dartz glanced at him before returning to his notes. "Teaching, what does it appear to be?"

"Let me rephrase that: _how_ is it that you're here?"

"Oh, I was never really gone. I decided to travel, actually look at the scenery instead of the wonderful souls that were around. It was rather pleasant. I even got to meet the Queen of England. Horrid old bat, but her servants are rather pleasant." A thoughtful look crossed Dartz's face. "I do think they might up rise soon…"

"But what are you doing here? Now?"

"Teaching!" Dartz said again. "I want to share my knowledge of the past. And what better way than to teach?"

Yugi blinked. "But why here? Is it because I'm here?"

"No. I didn't even know you'd be coming here. I take it your friends are here as well? How wonderful. I would like to see them all again." He put an arm around Yugi's shoulders and began to lead him to the classroom door. "Now, we'll all have to get together sometime for tea and a chat. But I do believe you'll be late for your next class, so you should get a move on!"

Before Yugi could object, Dartz had pushed him out of the classroom and closed the door on him. Yugi stared at the door for a few moments more before rushing off to his next class.

Outside Room 203, which was Yugi's Current Events class, was Joey. While the two took their seats they saw Kaiba a few rows behind them. As they got out their books, Yugi told Joey about his other teacher.

"Dartz is here!" Joey whispered urgently. "This is crazy! I'm starting to not like this school; too many old enemies."

"He said he wanted to get together for tea."

The blonde gave a disgusted look. "Tea! Yeah, I can tell just what kind of tea he'll be having- lemon, no cream, and two lumps of crazy!"

"I hardly think he's crazy." Yugi told him, though on the inside he somewhat had to agree.

"Take your seats, take your seats!" A cheerful voice called from the front of the class.

For the second time that day Yugi stopped moving due to a voice he knew all too well. Joey did likewise, and a few rows back a deep scowl crossed Kaiba's face.

"I am Professor Pegasus, and I will be taking you through this journey of Current Events!"

Yugi could see the disbelief on Joey's face as his friend stared down at Maximillion Pegasus, who was standing at the front of the class with a glass of red wine in one hand.

"He's still an alcoholic…" Yugi heard someone whisper, and he knew it was Kaiba who had done so. Again, though he would say so allowed, Yugi internally agreed.

A groan escaped Joey. "This is going to be the year from hell! Devlin, Kaiba, Dartz, Pegasus… all we need now is Weevil and Rex, and we'll be set!"

"Don't jinx it…" Yugi mumbled, and tried to sink as low into his seat as he could. The last thing he needed was for Pegasus to acknowledge him in his class.

"Oh my, if it isn't Yugi-boy!"

_Too late…_ He thought ruefully.

"Oh jeez!" Joey uttered beside him as he watched Pegasus start up the stairs to where they sat. "Yugi, you're on your own!" His friend tried to scramble over the person beside him in an attempt to reach the other side of the room, but Pegasus grabbed the back of Joey's shirt and pulled him into a hug.

"And Mr. Wheeler, what a pleasure!" Pegasus said merrily. He squeezed Joey harder in their hug. "I'm so happy to see familiar faces in my class!"

"Ugh-we're, um-happy to be here…" Joey uttered, though Pegasus was cutting off his air supplies.

Then the silver haired man dropped Joey and actually picked Yugi out of his seat, and began cuddling him like he was a stuffed bear.

"And my dear Yugi-boy. It's been so long! Too long! I am so happy to see you again!"

Yugi felt a sweat drop on his head. "Uh… good to see you too, Pegasus. Now, could you let me down?"

"Of course!" He gently put Yugi back in his seat, and (almost literally) skipped to a few rows back and beamed at Kaiba.

"And Kaiba-boy! Did you think I'd let you fly in under the radar? I don't think so!" He opened his arms in a grand gesture of a hug and stood there as if he actually believed Kaiba would greet him the same way.

"Touch me and die." Was all the young CEO mumbled as he gave Pegasus a dark look.

A pout formed on Pegasus' face. "What? No huggle? Oh, poo. I can still see your playing hard to get." Pegasus gave Kaiba a wink with his good eye, and while Kaiba shifted uncomfortably in his seat the "professor" skipped merrily back up to the front of the class.

The rest of the class consisted of Pegasus prancing around the front of the class like a prima ballerina, occasionally groping some of his students, and ranting about what's happening around the world right now. All the while, he was packing away the red wine, which made him a bit irritable near the end of class.

"I want you all to find a current event and research it!" He called once he dismissed the class. "Write something or other up about it, and hand it in at the end of the month!"

"Let's get out of here." Joey whispered to Yugi as they both got out of their seats. "Before he remembers we're in his class." Yugi nodded and quickly followed his friend out.

* * *

"Where is all the coffee grounds!"

Kuriboh was looking through the lower cabinets in the kitchen frantically. So far he had drunken three pots of coffee on his own, all in one morning.

"I think he's developing an addiction…" Yami muttered from the couch. While he sat observing the frenzied monster, Bakura sat in the miss-matched chair, trying to figure out what to do with the remote.

"What exactly is it for?" The thief asked, holding up the remote for Yami to see.

Yami shrugged. "I've seen Yugi using one. You just press those little squares in a certain order, and that box-" He pointed to the TV, "-comes to life."

Bakura stared at him in wonder. "What kind of magic is this?"

"That's what I said, but Yugi insists that it's not magic. He calls it "tekmologeh", whatever that is… I've never tried to understand it; makes my head hurt…"

"Uh-huh…" Bakura returned to examining the remote, then randomly pressing buttons. Nothing happened to the TV.

A loud crash came from the kitchen, and both former spirits looked back to see that Kuriboh had managed to open a few of the drawers and was now digging through them.

"Java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, **SPORK**!" He little critter held up a half-spoon-half-fork, then tossed it over his shoulder and began searching for coffee again. "Java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java, java…"

"Ryou might have some in his apartment." Bakura said, a little annoyed with the monster.

"We're not-java-suppose to leave-java-the apartment-java!" Every time Kuriboh said "java" he twitched a little, which made Yami a bit worried.

"I think it would be ok…" Yami told it. "Everyone's left the building for these "classes", the coast should be clear. You just get what you need…"

"**JAVA**!" And with that Kuriboh flew across the room and out the door.

"I forgot they could fly…" Bakura muttered, then returned to trying to figure out the remote.

For while Yami watched as Bakura began to hit the remote on the floor like some primate. Then a scream sounded from the across the hall, making both Bakura and Yami jump up.

"That sounded like Rebecca!" Yami told the other male. Together they rushed over to the other apartment.

Rebecca was pressing herself against the wall and watching in fear as Kuriboh tore through hers and her roommate's kitchen.

"Bakura, get Kuriboh!" Yami ordered as he went over to Rebecca.

"You can't boss me around!"

"Hey, he's destroying _your_ apartment!"

Bakura opened his mouth to argue, but saw Yami's logic and raced over to the kitchen area to grab Kuriboh, who was trying to claw his way into the fridge.

"Rebecca, are you alright?" Yami asked as he placed a hand on the girl's shoulder.

"Yugi!" The girl cried and wrapped her arms around Yami's torso. "I didn't have a class, so I came back to read a bit, and I heard someone come into the apartment, and I came out, and that _thing_ was going berserk, and-" Suddenly she stopped and stared up at him.

"And?" Yami asked.

Rebecca pulled away from him, frowning. "You're not Yugi! You're the Pharaoh! Where's Yugi!"

Yami blinked and opened his mouth to answer, but Bakura interrupted him. "Well, at least we know _she's_ a bright one. If only we had a few more of her instead of, well, what we have…"

"You'd be the first on the Replacement List." Yami retorted. Bakura sneered as he struggled to keep Kuriboh in his arms.

"Where's Yugi?" Rebecca repeated, then looked over at Bakura. "And where's the real Ryou? And what is that thing!"

Yami sighed, scratching his head. Nothing ever got past Rebecca. It was rather annoying. "Yugi and Ryou are at their "classes". That _thing_ is a Kuriboh."

Rebecca just stared at them, then cried "WHAT!"

Again the former Pharaoh sighed, then sat Rebecca down and explained the entire thing to her. To his surprise, she believed him.

"And so you have to stay hidden so you don't confuse anyone else?" Rebecca asked. When Yami nodded, she turned back to Bakura (who was sitting on the kitchen floor and struggling to keep a lid on a pot that he had stuffed Kuriboh in). "If you are going to be living in the spare room, wouldn't me and Duke known that you where there?"

"I guess so." Bakura said, then looked down at the pot in his hands. "Kuriboh, stop fighting or I'll use those grey, sticky bandages to close the lid on and put you in the heat box!" He gave a grin to the oven, then back down at the pot. Kuriboh had stopped struggling to get out.

"Then why didn't Ryou just tell us what was happening?" Rebecca asked.

"I think he was going to." Yami told her. "But he didn't have the time when we found out today was the start of classes."

"Oh."

There was a loud boom, and Rebecca and Yami looked over to see that Kuriboh had exploded inside the pot. The lid had flown up and hit Bakura in the face, rendering him unconscious, and once again the little creature was digging through the cupboards for coffee.

Rebecca sighed. "Well, this sure makes the year interesting…"


	4. The Packages

Chione: physics should DIE! -_stabs physics book_-

Yami: o.O why?

Bakura: who cares, we get to stab things! -_stabs Chione's text book as well_-

Chione: you know, I wouldn't have taken stupid physics if I had known it was just math but with a fancier name! ARGH! -_throws text into a fire_-

Bakura: oOoOo, pretty colors!

Yami: o.O

Chione: -_to readers_- well, I'm back! I know, you're all thinking it- it's about damn time! But I didn't know what to write… honest I didn't. But, thanks to LeDiva, I got an idea! XD LET THE CRAZINESS COMMENCE! And thank you LeDiva for the wonderful idea! -_blows kisses and skips off_-

Yami: oh, and, Chione doesn't own Hermione Granger -_nod, nod_- or-or -_shiver_- I just can't say it!

Rebecca: -_who had appeared out of nowhere_- OR Tampax Tampons!

Yami: YOU SAID THE DREADED WORD! -_runs away screaming_-

Rebecca: -_sigh_- men…

* * *

"I'm not sure I can take much more of this…"

Joey sighed deeply as he, Ryou, Yugi, Yami and Bakura headed back to their apartment after lunch. It had been a week since the start of classes, and everyone was dead tired between hiding from Kaiba and doing homework.

Yugi was especially exhausted with coming up with excuses for the "mysterious" occurrences in the apartment, which were really Yami, Bakura and Kuriboh's doing. He had also found that he was thankful each of the roommates had brought their own toaster; already two were wrecked from Kuriboh trying to warm up coffee in one, and Bakura freaking out on another when the toast popped up and startled him.

"I know how you feel." Yugi said with sympathy, patting his friend's shoulder.

They finally reached the door of the apartment when Ryou looked down the hall and saw someone.

"Yami, Bakura, into my apartment!" As he said this, Ryou shoved the two yamis through the open door across from them and into Duke who had been leaving.

"Wha-?" Was all Yami, Bakura and Duke were able to say before Ryou slammed the door closed after them, smiling a bit.

Yugi gave him a wary look. "You're enjoying pushing Bakura around too much…" Ryou's only reply was a sheepish grin.

"Why did you-?" Joey began, but he saw the person that Ryou had. His eyes widened. "Serenity!"

"Joey!" Before any of them could react, Serenity had glomped her brother, which made Joey fall to the ground with the wind knocked out of him.

"S-Serenity…!" Joey stammered, trying to recapture his air. "W-what are you doing here?"

The girl frowned. "Didn't you get my message?" When he shook his head she sighed. "I told you I was coming over. I had something I wanted to tell you!"

"Why don't we go inside?" Yugi offered, prying Serenity off her brother as Ryou helped him up.

But Yugi's words made Serenity looked alarmed. "Oh, I don't kn-"

"Yes, please!" Joey cut her off. "I need to lay down…"

"Before we do," His sister interrupted, stepping between him and the door. Her speech was starting to rush together. "Joey, you're my big brother, and you love me, right?"

"Oh course." He attempted to move past her, but she negated him.

"And you want me to be happy, right?"

"Yes." Again he reached for the door handle, but Serenity grabbed his hand.

"And no matter what, you wouldn't let your own feelings stop me from being happy, right?"

Joey gave her a hard look. "Serenity, what is this all about?"

"Nothing, it's jus-"

"If it's about nothing, then let me into my apartment!"

Before she could reply Joey pushed past his sister and opened the door, going into the residence.

"Serenity, you're finally back."

Everyone stopped and stared at the young man who stood up from one of the chairs. It was none other than Valon, who smiled and waved at them.

"What's wrong, mates? Surprised to see me?"

Yugi slowly looked up at Joey, and saw his friend's eye twitch. "Joey…"

"It's about time you all got here." Kaiba droned from the kitchen table without looking up from the newspaper he read. "The Aussie was starting to get on my nerves with his "mate" and "blimy" talk…"

Joey ignored him and continued to stare at the intruder. "What… is _he_ doing here?"

"Joey, I can explain-" Serenity began, but apparently her brother wasn't about to let her explain.

Instead, Joey launched himself across the room with surprising speed and grabbed Valon around the neck, pinning him to the ground and attempting to choke the life out of him.

"JOEY!" Yugi and Ryou cried together, and rushed over to their friend, trying to pull him off the other man.

Serenity rushed over as well, but stayed back as Yugi and Ryou attempted to get Joey away from Valon. "Please, Joey, stop it!"

"Will you keep it down?" Kaiba asked, still not looking up from his paper. "I'm trying to read."

The trying-to-pull-Joey-off plan wasn't exactly working; Yugi and Ryou were weak. So Yugi tried another thing to bring Joey back to his senses. "Joey, you could go to jail if you kill him!"

"Or worse!" Ryou added. "You could get expelled!"

Yugi froze and gave Ryou a look. "Who the hell are you, Hermione Granger!"

"Someone… help!" Valon gasped.

"Joey, stop it!" Serenity continued to plead. When her brother wouldn't reply, she ran to the kitchen and came back with the third toaster. Before anyone else could ask what the girl was doing, she brought the toaster down onto- dundundun- Joey's head!

"AHHHH!" Joey cried, releasing Valon and clutching his own skull. He curled into a ball and continued moaning in pain.

Serenity grabbed Valon's arm and pulled him away from her temporarily insane brother. "Now will you listen?"

It was twenty minutes later that they had finally got Joey to agree to hear his sister out and not attempt to hurt Valon again. And that was only after Yugi threatened to tell Serenity how Joey _reall_y passed math all those years, and also why he always seemed to have Mrs. Hogan-the-hot-but-unhappily-married-math-teacher (Joey, you sly dog!).

"Alright, hurry up and tell me why _he's_-" Joey shot Valon a death glare, "-is here. Then he has to get out."

"Well, I went to this festival a few months ago." Serenity said, not meeting her brother's gaze. "And I meet Valon there. We got to talking, and then he asked me out on a date. Since then, we've been together."

"So, you came all this way to tell me you're just _dating_ this sleaze ball?" Joey demanded. He then turned to Valon. "If you touched her in ANY inappropriate manner, I'll-"

"Joey!"

"What? I don't want this guy taking advantage of you, Serenity. And that's just what his kind does."

"He's done no such thing." Serenity said stiffly. "And I didn't come all this way to tell you I'm seeing Valon."

Yugi glanced from Serenity to Valon. They were smiling at each other. _This can't be good…_ He gave Ryou a nod, and the other young man returned it and prepared to grab Joey if need be.

"Well, why're you here then?" Joey asked.

It seemed Serenity couldn't find a way to sugar coat it, so she just came out and said it. Not exactly the brightest move on her behalf…

"Joey, Valon and I are getting married!"

Yugi and Ryou cringed. Even Kaiba stiffened at the words. But to all those in the room's surprised, Joey didn't so much as flinch.

"Is that so?" He said calmly.

Serenity nodded her head vigorously. "Yes. The wedding's in January."

"That's nice. Lots of time to plan." Yugi frowned at Joey's words. He was talking this all too well. "But don't you think you're a bit young to get married?"

"Not at all. True love can't wait." She beamed up at Valon. "All I need is a guardian's approval, and I can get married. And mom adores Valon and gave her blessing. So, we're all set."

Joey nodded, a smile frozen on his face. "Will you excuse me for a moment?" Before anyone could answer him the blonde had gotten up and steadily walked over to his room, slowly closing the door behind him.

The others watched the door cautiously. There was an excruciatingly long silence, then-

"MOTHER FU-" The end of Joey's words were cut off as something went smashing into the wall. In an instant Yugi and Ryou were rushing over to his room and trying to calm in down.

Another twenty minutes of throwing things passed and Joey was back in the living room, though his calm façade was nowhere in site. He glared at Valon from where he sat, with Yugi and Ryou on either side of him, their hands firmly on Joey's shoulders.

"So…" Joey muttered darkly, still glaring at the Aussie beside his sister. "You're getting married."

"Yes." Serenity told him. It had been discovered that whenever Valon opened his mouth Joey would leap at him again, so Serenity talked for the both of them. "I'd really love to have at the wedding, Joey. You're my big brother, I want you to be part of my big day."

"Don't think I don't know what's going on." The blonde said in a low voice, ignoring his sister's comment about actually attending the ceremony.

Serenity and Valon exchanged a look. "What do you mean?"

"This asshole knocked you up!" Joey declared. "It's the only reason someone like you would just rush into a marriage!" He turned back to Valon. "I'll skin you alive, you bastard! You better sleep with one eye open!"

"Joey, he didn't get me pregnant!" Serenity cried.

"Then why're you marrying him? What? Does he need a Green Card, is that it?"

"No, he doesn't need a Green Card!"

"Did you get yourself into trouble? And marrying him's the only way out?"

"No!"

"Then what the hell is it!"

"There is no hidden reason! I love him, and he loves me! We want to be together! Is that so hard to believe?" Her face became pleading.

Joey stared at her for a long time, then said, "Yes."

Serenity stood up, angry. It was the first time Yugi had seen her in such a state. He had to say, it wasn't pretty.

"Joey, you're such a- such a-"

"Such a what?"

She glared daggers at him. "Such an ass!" She grabbed the toaster that had been sitting on the couch and threw it at him, nailing him in the face. As Joey's chair fell backwards Serenity grabbed Valon's arm and pulled him out of the apartment.

Yugi and Ryou watched her go, then looked down at Joey's unconscious form and then at each other.

"Well," Ryou mumbled. "That went swimmingly…"

* * *

"What was _that_ all about?"

Bakura sat on top of Yami and Duke after just recently being shoved into the other apartment by his other half. He had to say, Ryou had too much fun pushing him around.

"I don't know. The must have seen someone that shouldn't see us." Yami mumbled.

"Get… OFF!"

Both former spirits looked down at Duke, who was slowly turning blue in the face. Quickly they got off of him.

"It's about time two of you got here!" A voice cried. Rebecca emerged from her room holding Kuriboh at arms' length away from her.

The brown little ball was wriggling in her hands, trying to get away. It seemed he had found where Duke had hidden the coffee, and where Rebecca's makeup was. Kuriboh had eye shadow and lipstick matted into his fur in various odd places, and there were black streaks of mascara all over him.

"You take him." She ordered, handing the critter off to Bakura.

"I don't think that's a good-" Bakura began, but Kuriboh exploded in his hands. "-idea…" Black smoke came out of his mouth as he said those words, and Kuriboh began to giggle hysterically.

"Rebecca, watch them, ok?" Duke said, ignoring the blackened Kuriboh. "I was just heading out to the library."

"I was heading out too!" Rebecca declared. "I was going to meet some friends. You stay and watch them!"

"It's not my turn!"

"It's not mine, either!"

Yami let out an aggravated sigh. "We _can_ take care of ourselves, you know. We're not children, we can be responsible."

Duke and Rebecca just stared at him. "Right…" They said together.

"We can!" Yami insisted. "Right Bakura and Kuriboh? Bakura? Kuriboh?" He turned to the thief who had pulled scissors out of a back pocket and was now trying to cut Kuriboh's fur in random places as the monster gnawed at his arm. "GUYS!"

Bakura instinctively hid the scissors behind his back and smiled innocently as Kuriboh stiffened but didn't release the former spirit's arm.

"We'll be good!" Bakura said warmly.

"Muh cwoarse!" Kuriboh agreed, though he was still latched onto Bakura's arm.

Duke sighed. "Fine. But if we come back and this apartment's a disaster, you three will be punished!"

"Yes, sir!" The three of them cried, saluting Duke. With wary looks he and Rebecca left, leaving the others on their own.

"Wow, this is the first time we've been left on our own." Bakura mumbled. He turned to Yami. "They either trust us, or are extremely stupid."

"It's the same thing, isn't it?" Yami questioned. He then finally acknowledge Kuriboh on Bakura's arm. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"What?"

"That." He pointed to Kuriboh.

Bakura looked down, and his eyes widened. "GREAT RA! GET THIS BLOODY THING OFF ME!" He began running around the apartment, flailing his arm in an attempt to get Kuriboh off. But the creature stayed on, almost as if he had a lockjaw like a pit bull.

"Bakura, just calm down!" Yami cried, following after him.

"GET-IT-OFF!" Bakura ran over to the kitchen and began slamming Kuriboh against the countertop. When that failed, he grabbed a potato masher that was conveniently sitting out. He raised it up and prepared to bring it down on Kuriboh.

"No!" Yami cried grabbing his arm. "Don't hurt him!"

"He's chewing on my bloody arm!" Bakura said back. He tried to pull his other arm away from Yami while still trying to shake Kuriboh off his other one. "GET HIM THE BLOODY HELL OFF ME!"

"I will!" Yami told him. "Just don't hit him!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

They continued to struggle; Yami trying to get the potato masher away from Bakura, and Bakura trying to get both Yami and Kuriboh off of him.

"Let me hit him!"

"No! That's bad!"

As the two fought over the potato masher, it flew from Bakura's hand and straight through one of the windows. All three of them froze and stared at the broken window. "Uh-oh…" They said in unison.

"Now look what you did!" Yami cried. "If you would have just let me-"

"Don't think you can order me about!" Bakura retorted. "You're not Pharaoh any-"

"Yami tastes like chicken!"

Yami and Bakura both froze and looked down at Kuriboh. The little hairball had released Bakura and know had Yami's hand in his mouth. Both yamis were very still, until-

"AHHHHHH!" Yami took up where Bakura had let off- running around the apartment screaming. "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!"

"Hang on!" Bakura cried. He grabbed the fire extinguisher and chased after Yami. "I watched the veetee the other day, and a man used something like this. It's to be used in emergencies!"

"What are you waiting for, man! USE IT!"

Bakura complied. He pointed the end at Yami and pressed the clasp. White foam irrupted from the extinguisher and cover Yami and Kuriboh, as well as most of the apartment.

When the red cylinder was empty, Bakura dropped it on the ground and looked around. Yami stood very still, and Kuriboh even stiller. Both shivered a bit.

"Um… is this a bad thing?" Bakura asked, looking around.

"Yes." Yami mumbled. "We need to clean this up, before Ryou or Duke or Rebecca come back!"

Quickly they began to fix things up. After Yami and Kuriboh warmed up and dried off, the three of them did their best to mop up all the foam.

"Why don't we use this?" Kuriboh asked. He had emerged from the bathroom with Rebecca's blow drier. "I've seen Rebecca use it, it dries stuff."

"Sounds good." Yami said, taking the drier from the critter. He plugged it into the wall and began to dry the furniture.

"What do we do about the bloody window?" Bakura asked, nodding towards the shattered glass. They had already cleaned up the glass, but the window still stood for all to see.

"There wouldn't have been a broken window if you would have just given me the metal mallet!"

Bakura glared at him. "Don't try to make this my fault."

Yami's mouth fell open. "It _is_ your fault!"

"No, it's Kuriboh's fault! He bit me!"

Kuriboh tried to cross his arms (which wasn't easy because they're so stubby). "You attempted to cut my fur!"

"Well you… you…" Bakura stopped and thought about it for a moment. "You blew up in my face!"

To this the monster shrugged. "That's just what I do."

"Stop fighting!" Yami demanded. "We have to get this place fixed up, or no one will EVER let us be on our own ever again! Now, shake and make up."

"No."

"Absolutely not."

Yami glared at them both. "Do it!"

Bakura and Kuriboh glared at one another, but slowly extended took the others hand/paw. "Sorry." They each mumbled.

But as they shook, Bakura purposely squeezed the critter's hand hard. Kuriboh squeaked, but got back by blowing up in the thief's face once more. After another round of hitting each other, Yami and sent Kuriboh into the bathroom to find more towels and Bakura to grab a blanket from the spare room.

"Why do you need this blanket?" Bakura asked as he held up the sheet of his bed.

"Drape it over the window." Yami instructed as he finished up with the blow drier. "They'll never know."

Kuriboh floated out of the bathroom, a small package in his hand. "What do you suppose this is?" He held up what was in his paw.

Bakura and Yami went over to him and Bakura took the thing from Kuriboh. It was a small white package with green writing on it. The three of them looked at it blankly.

"Well?" Kuriboh asked.

"I'm not sure." Yami took it from the thief and squinted as he tried to read the writing. He wasn't that good with reading… "It says "Tompacks." What's that?"

"I have no bloody idea." Bakura mumbled. "Open it up."

"Why should I! It could be a trap and once I open it, it could shoot acid or poison at me!"

"That's exactly why you should be the one to open it."

Yami glared at Bakura, then returned to his attention to the package. Without a word he went over to the kitchen and placed it on the counter, then grabbed a long knife. Crouching a bit behind the counter, Yami began to cut open. Once he did all three of them hit the floor as if expecting the thing to explode.

But it didn't. Cautiously they all got up and looked at it.

"I think there's something inside." Kuriboh mumbled. He went and grabbed the salad tongs and pulled whatever was inside the package out.

It just confused them more. It seemed to be a tube of cardboard with a string and cotton inside. Bakura picked it up and examined it.

"What kind of contraption is this?" The thief asked. He sniffed it. "And what could it be used for?" He continued to turn it around before his eyes, then licked it.

Yami was a bit entranced by the thing. "Kuriboh, where exactly did you find this?"

"It was in a case, in the bathing room." The monster replied. "There are many more in the case as well."

"Bring the box here. There may be some clue as to what it is…"

Kuriboh obliged and rushed back to the bathroom. He came back with a blue box filled with little white packages. The monster handed the box over to Yami who once again squinted to read the writing on it.

"Why does English have to be so difficult?"

Bakura cuffed him lightly on the head. "Just read the bloody thing!" He had proceeded to sick the device up is nose and was opening another for his other nostril.

""Tompacks Taimpoons."" The former Pharaoh read with a largely confused look on his face. "Now what do you suppose is that?"

"Give me the box." Bakura ordered. He took the box without waiting for Yami's reply and dumped the contents onto the counter. Little white packages went everywhere, but a piece of paper fell out as well.

Kuriboh grabbed them up first. "Parchment!"

"Give it here." Yami commanded. The hairball complied and gave him the paper. "Do you think it's an explanation of what these things are and how to use them?"

"I hope so." Bakura said with a nod. "But if they're used for something other than sticking up your nose, I'll fell like a damned idiot!"

Yami and Kuriboh both gave him a look. "Why would you put them up your nose?"

"You use them to stop a runny nose!" He grabbed another of the things and proceeded to show them how to "use" them.

Yami just shook his head. "I don't think that's the reason."

"Then just read the bloody parchment!"

With a sigh Yami opened the paper and held it up for all three of them to read. The first thing they saw was a nice little diagram, illustrating that the little gizmos were used for-

"DEAR RA!" Yami cried, dropped the paper and jumping away from all the little white packages. "IS **_THAT_** WHAT THEY'RE FOR!"

Bakura looked horrified. "It must be some sort of torture!" He then realized he had two of them up his nose and one in his ear. "AHHHH!" He quickly pulled them out and ran to the bathroom to scrub his face down.

"Dear chums, it's a perfectly natural phenomenon." Kuriboh told them. He sat on the counter and was still reading through the instructions.

Yami just gaped at him. "What!"

"You see, when a girl reaches a certain age, her body changes. Every month she begins to-"

But he was cut off by the door opening. In entered Rebecca, who froze and looked around the room. It took her awhile get back to her senses, but when she did she screamed.

"WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING WITH MY THINGS!"

"We can explain!" Yami cried. "You see, we were trying to dry down the apartment after Bakura had shot this foam all over the place, and Kuriboh found this box in the bathing room, and-"

Rebecca didn't give him a chance to finish. Instead, she grabbed a conveniently place hockey stick and proceeded to chase Yami and Kuriboh around the living room, screaming curses at them all the while.

Bakura finally came out of the bathroom and saw all this happening. He remained ever so still.

"I think… I'll go hide now…" And he slunk back into the bathroom and locked the door behind him, leaving the girl to chase the other two around for a few more hours until Ryou came back and managed to get her under control.


	5. The Invitations

Chione: wow, another chapter up already, yay!

Yami and Bakura: -_glare at Chione_-

Chione: o.O what?

Bakura: you made me put T-t- damn, I can't even say it!

Chione: Tampons…

Bakura and Yami: -_twitch_- yes…

Bakura: anyway, you made me those _things_ in my nose! I feel so… violated!

Chione: wow, now you know how many of the rest of us feel in your presence.

Bakura: o.O huh?

Chione: never mind. Time for the disclaimer! Kuriboh, you do it! -_throws Kuriboh to center stage. Where a stage came from, I don't know…_-

Kuriboh: well, we all already know Chione doesn't own Yugioh, but she doesn't own anything to do with Star Wars, Twinkies, Rocky Road ice cream, Slurpees, OR Agent Smith from the Matrix.

Bakura: who would WANT to own him? He gave me nightmares…

Everyone: o.O

Bakura: o.O uh… I mean, he gave Chione's brother nightmares!

Chione: it's funny 'cause it's true…

* * *

"Helloooooooooooooooooo!"

Everyone in the apartment stopped what they were doing.

It had been a day since the incident with Serenity and Valon, and the lesser known incident of Yami, Bakura, Kuriboh, and the "packages".

Before the strange voice had interrupted them, Yugi and Tea had been attempting to coax Joey out of his room (where he had been since the pervious day), Tristan and Duke were educating Kuriboh in the industry of "pornography", and Marik was trying to find a new place to hide the coffee grounds from the little monster. Kaiba was gone to visit his brother, and Rebecca, Yami and Bakura had gone out to fetch "comfort food" for Joey, though that was an hour ago and still they hadn't returned…

But all that was shattered the moment the moment the strange voice came through the door. And before anyone could reply, the door sprang open and in stepped a cloaked figure, breathing heavily.

When it spoke, it was with a raspy voice. "Yugi…"

"Yes…?" The young man's eyes were wide as he stepped closer to the door. "I'm Yugi. What do you want?"

"Yugi…" Again, its voice was in rasps. "I am your father."

"What!" Everyone cried at once.

"D-dad…?" The news seemed to hit Yugi hard. His eyes were big a saucers, and his lip began to tremble. Then, before any could react, the short youth had thrown himself at the cloaked figure and was sobbing into his robes.

"Daddy! I thought you'd never come back! You went to the store, and Grandpa said you got stuck in a robbery, and that you would listen to any of them, so the robber shot you in the leg! But you didn't quiet down, you kept on ranting, and the robber shot you in the heart! And even then you wouldn't die, and it took three more shots to the chest and two to the head before you finally died!"

At this point everyone in the room was exchanging glances. Yugi didn't seem to take notice, he just charged on with his ranting.

"But I didn't believe Grandpa one bit! He always makes up stories. Like how mommy left. Gramps said she ran off to fulfill her dream of being an exotic dancer! But I knew mommy would never do that! I knew she went out to find you! And now you're here, so mommy will come back soon too! And then-"

"Ok, this has gone on quiet long enough." The cloaked figured said as it tried squirming out of Yugi's arms. "Yugi, it was only a joke. I am not your father."

"Liar!" Yugi cried, holding on tighter. "Don't lie to me! I recognize your voice, you are my daddy, and you've come back to me!"

"I am not your father! Now get off!" The cloaked figure tried with all its might to fight Yugi off, but the spiky haired male just clasped onto his leg and refused to let go.

"I won't let you leave me again!"

The cloaked person gave an aggravated sigh and pulled back his hood to reveal-

DARTZ!

Everyone in the room let out a large gasp and Yugi stared up at his professor in disbelief.

"Dartz! _You're_ my daddy?"

At this Duke cringed. "Yugi… _NEVER_ say that ever again!"

"Why- oh never mind." Yugi mumbled back.

"Yugi…" Dartz looked down at him. "You are still attached to my leg."

"Oh! Of course!" He jumped up with a red face, obviously embarrassed.

"You know…" Tristan was saying, more to himself than to anyone else. "Dartz _could_ be Yugi's dad. I mean, they have the same bangs…"

Everyone just stared at Tristan. "What do bangs have to do with anything?" Teas asked.

Tristan looked down at his feet. "I tried…"

"But wait a second," Duke added, thinking for a moment. "Dartz isn't the one who said "hello" before, which made us all freeze in fear. That voice was more high in pitch, and a bit creepy. I know it, but I just can't remember who the voice belongs to…"

Everyone murmured an agreement, and sat down to ponder who the owner of the first mysterious voice could be.

"I know who it is!" Joey cried as he leapt from his room in nothing by boxers and a bow in his hair.

"Joey, why do you have a bow in your hair?" Tea asked.

The blonde ripped the bow from his head and retorted with, "That doesn't matter, because I know who the voice belongs to! It's-"

"Me!" And Pegasus jumped through the door hold gift baskets for everyone!

"Way to steal my thunder…" Joey mumbled with a sour look.

"Oh, I'm sorry Joey!" Pegasus said with a deep look of regret. "Have a gift basket!" And he began to prance around handing out his gift baskets.

"For Yugi, and Ryou, and Tea, and Tristan, and Duke, and Kuriboh, and-" When he came to Marik he let out a very girly scream and dropped his basket.

"What, what is it!" Everyone cried together and looked at Pegasus.

The silver haired young man (that's right! Pegasus isn't an old man! He's really only in his late twenties/early thirties! In your face, 4Kids!) pointed an accusing finger at Marik and said in a dark tone, "_You…_"

Everyone else looked around questioningly, so Pegasus continued with the dramatics.

"What are _you_ doing here?" He demanded. "I never thought I'd run into the likes of _you_ ever again!"

"Marik, what's he talking about?" Tristan asked.

The other young man had a confused look on his face. "I really have no idea!"

"_You_ mean to tell me _you_ don't remember!" Pegasus asked, taken aback.

"No, I don't."

"Well," He was highly insulted. Pegasus turned to the others to tell a grand ol' story. "This is the young man that broke into my wonderful mansion sucked on my prized Twinkie!"

Everyone made a face, because they all have VERY sick minds. Obviously Pegasus did not, so he continued with his tail.

"He just sat in my kitchen and sucked on my Twinkie all night! And then he just left without so much as an explanation! And from then on he'd always just come into my house, suck on my Twinkies, then leave before morning came! The shame of him!"

By then everyone was rolling around on the ground either laughing or extremely sickened because they had overactive imaginations and had received horrible visuals to go with the tale. The only ones who didn't get it were Pegasus, Dartz and Kuriboh, so these three were left to watch the others and ponder what was going on.

"It's not funny!" Pegasus snapped at them all. "Marik violated my Twinkie!"

"I really do not understand what is so humorous…" Dartz whispered.

"I have a question!" Kuriboh piped. The two that were not on the floor turned to him. "Why is it that the main villains of Yugioh have such funny hair? I mean, Pegasus has silver hair, and Dartz, your hair is aqua, then Bakura's is white, and Marik's is what? Sandy? And that Zigfried's is pink! And they're all long. What's up with that?"

Pegasus and Dartz just exchanged confused looks. "Wha-?"

But Kuriboh was still going. "And why is that everyone who writes a Yugioh fiction just call Yugi's Grandpa "Grandpa". I mean, he does have a name, even in the dubbed version! His dubbed name is "Solomon Motou", so why do people keep putting in stories and on websites that his grandpa doesn't have a name! I-CAN'T-TAKE-IT-ANYMORE!" And he exploded, which caused everyone to stop laughing and dive for cover for fear of terrorists.

There was a knock on the door then. Yugi, who was closest to the door, kicked the unconscious Kuriboh under the couch and opened the door.

"Are you Yugi Motou?" The man at the door was big and bulky and wore a suit and sunglasses. It seemed he didn't have the ability to smile. And the earpiece in his ear made Yugi a bit uneasy.

"Uh… yeah, yeah I'm him."

The man barged into the room, followed by many others that looked exactly like him! They all pinned the gang down and began to erase their memories because they're not suppose to know they're part of a television show…

Once they were done getting rid of the memory of Kuriboh's out burst, and they replaced Kuriboh with another Kuriboh named Billy-Bob Anastasia Jefferson Kuriboh the II, or Kuriboh for short, who looked exactly like Henry Austin Paul Kuriboh the VIII, who was also just Kuriboh for short (I like toying with your guys' minds), the weird umptumplets that all looked and sounded and acted alike, all gathered in a huddle in the middle of the room.

"Wow, that last sentence was a dozy…" One of them mumbled.

"Be quiet, Smith 183756!" Another snapped, hitting the out spoken one. "Now that their memories are drained, we must get out of here before they wake up!"

"Hey, that wasn't 183756! That was me!" Yet another said. "Can't you tell us apart, 1?"

1 just sighed. "Sorry, 739." Then he went and hit the _real_ Smith 183756. "Stop speaking out of turn.

"But I want ice cream…" 183756 whined.

"Fine." Smith 1 told him. "We'll get ice cream."

"Rocky road?"

"No, that makes you to hyper."

183756 stomped his feet on the ground. "I WANT ROCKY ROAD!"

"If you're going to be like that, then you're not getting ice cream!"

"What's all the yelling for?" Yugi sat up groggily, rubbing his eyes. He then saw all the Smiths. "HEY! WHO THE HELL ARE-" But Smith 739 had grabbed chloroform, poured some on a cloth, and stuck it to Yugi's nose, making him go out again.

So, the Smiths had to do this to all the members of the gang and reerase their memories. When they were almost finished another stranger walked into the room, very irritated.

"What the heck is taking so long?" She asked, staring at them all. "I give you a simple task to make sure they don't know they're really just an anime and a manga, but NO, you have to take forever to do it!"

"We're sorry, Chione." Smith 1 said. "Things got complicated."

"What have I told you to call me?"

All the Smiths looked down at the ground. "Nisu Chione…"

"And I don't see you groveling!"

"Sorry, Nisu Chione…" They all got down on their knees and bowed to- ME!

"Just get out of here." Chione commanded, and grabbed a fly swatter and began to hit the Smiths if they didn't move fast enough. Then, before she left, she huggled the unconscious Marik, Joey, Ryou and Duke, then ran away to the Realm of Craziness. Also know as- real life.

After a half hour or so (Smith 739 used A LOT of chloroform on them), the gang woke up as if nothing had happened, and took up the conversation they had been at before they were rudely interrupted.

"So, why are you and Dartz here?" Yugi finally asked. He had remembered what he was laughing so hysterically about (Marik violating Pegasus' Twinkie) and was wondering why two of his professors were at his apartment.

"Well, remember what I said the first day of classes?" Dartz asked.

Yugi slowly shook his head.

"I said we should have tea together." Dartz explained. "So, Pegasus and I are inviting you to our tea party!" He gave Yugi and Joey invitations.

"What about the rest of us?" Tristan asked, pouting.

Pegasus patted his head. "Oh, we would love for you all to come, Tristan. But we only invited Yugi and Joey because the rest of you are insignificant peasants."

"Peasants?" Tea asked. "I'll have you know that-"

"Did I say peasants? Oh, what I meant was poor people with no style…" As he said the last part he lifted up Duke's ponytail and let if fall again with a look of distaste on his face.

"Yes, we have no place for "non-Duelists" at the party. Sorry." Dartz added.

"I'm a Duelist." Marik piped.

"Yes, but you're not allowed because you violated my Twinkie!"

"Sorry, dear boy." Dartz said, patting Marik sympathetically on the shoulder. He then realized that he held one more invitation. "Oh, Pegasus, it seems we have one more."

"Who's it for?" Tea, Ryou, Tristan, Duke, and Kuriboh asked, anxious.

"That must be Kaiba-boy's." Pegasus told him. He looked the apartment. "Where is that gorgeous, gorgeous man? I'd like to molest him…" When he noticed the looks from the others in the room he smiled. "I'm kidding, kidding!" But that still didn't make them any more comfortable.

"Well, you two," Dartz pointed to Yugi and Joey. "Had better come to the tea party, and bring Kaiba as well." Him and Pegasus went into the hall, and they both looked at something that seemed to be happening at the other end.

"Oh, and Yugi," Pegasus popped his head back into the apartment. "It seems your yami is loose, along with Ryou's, and they seem to have discovered Slurpees…"

Yugi and Ryou's eyes opened wide. "WHAT!" Together they ran into the hall and tried to catch Yami and Bakura who were spinning around in circles due to sugar overload, and Rebecca was trying to control them.

"Yugi!" She cried, latching onto him. "They've been like this for hours! I couldn't stop them, they were just too hyper! Finally, they just started spinning in circles and I had to push them along with a stick! I thought I'd never make it back!"

"It's ok, Rebecca." Yugi told her. "You did good. Let's just get them inside before anyone sees." Yugi and Rebecca grabbed onto Yami's arms, while Rebecca grabbed another of Bakura's and Ryou managed to get a hold on the thief's other. They pulled them into the apartment, where Dartz and Pegasus still were, laughing at the yamis.

"I never knew your other halves were free!" Pegasus said cheerfully as he skipped out of the room for a second time. "They seem like fun, bring them along with you to the party! And Ryou, you can come to now, just bring Bakura with you!" And he blew a kiss to them all and was gone.

Dartz sighed. "Why I became his friend, I'm not exactly sure…" He waved to the others and disappeared as well, leaving the gang to go back to their business.


	6. The Mall

Chione: I know, I know, it's been SO long since I updated. Well, get use to it because I'm in a bit of a writer's block right now. Though I'm hoping to get the next chapter done before Halloween, because it takes place on Halloween. -_nod, nod_-

Yami: -_glares at Chione because he knows what she has planned for him_- you're horrible…

Dartz: you think you have it bad? What about me! I become-

Chione: -_throws a doughnut into Dartz's mouth_- DON'T RUIN IT! You nincompoop.

Dartz: v.v sorry…

Chione: now, I'm responding to a review! -_le gaspe_- This is from Emperor K. Rool, who wrote "Pegasus isn't gay! Cecilia! Cecilia! This is still funny though. Keep writnig."

Pegasus: I know I'm not gay!

Chione: and I never said he was.

Pegasus: I'm just intuned with my sexuality.

Chione: means he's bi.

Pegasus: wait, I-

Chione: ANYWHO, time for the disclaimer! Today it'll be done by -_drum roll_- KAIBA!

Kaiba: -.-# no.

Chione: come on! I haven't made anything bad happen to you in the story.

Kaiba: thus far.

Chione: yeah… so, please?

Kaiba: -_sigh_- Chione doesn't own Yugioh, if she did, I'd quit. She also doesn't own Whitney Houston, or Slurpees, or 7-11, or Jelly Belly Beans.

Chione: OH, and in the beginning, what Pegasus does was inspired by what my Physics teacher, Mr. Christoffel, did. The thing with the chalk. You'll understand once you read it. O.o Mr. C scares me at times… he's like a character from one of my stories! And the second part, of what Pegasus does with the chalk, was inspired by my old Math teacher, Mr. Toth. Yay! Anywho, onto the chapter! And thank you Mr. C and Mr. Toth for the inspiration!

* * *

"And that's the REAL reason why women wore feathery hats way back when."

It was Current Events class, and Yugi stared at Pegasus, who stood at the front of the class (with yet another glass of whine in hand) and had just explained his wrong and sick reasonings as to why women wore large plumes in their hats during the early 1900s. Pegasus' theories are so immoral and so disgusting, that I refuse to repeat them here.

Beside Yugi, Joey was snoring softly, which he had been doing since the beginning of class. A few rows back sat Kaiba, who had a how-is-this-current-events-or-even-an-actual-lecture-for-that-matter-? look on his face. Most of the other students around Yugi had either disgusted looks on their own faces, were asleep like Joey, were completely filled with horror, were laughing their asses off, were too stunned for words, or had fled the room because they had the sudden urge to vomit. Yugi himself felt a great desire to bring up his breakfast because of the things he heard spill from Pegasus' mouth.

He looked over at the clock. There was only ten more minutes left. That was at least a good thing.

_I just want this class to get over already!_ He thought to himself. He had plans to uphold, important plans that needed to get done as soon as possible. And as soon as class was done, he had to rush back to the apartment and get Yami. It was a surprise, but would hopefully make the former Pharaoh happy because he could finally leave the apartment building (which he hadn't done since the Slurpee incident).

"Now, let's take down some notes." Pegasus declared, putting his whine class on the podium and grabbing up some chalk. He began to scribble on the blackboard when a crack rang through the classroom. The chalk had broken.

It broke in Pegasus' fingers and fell to the ground. The professor froze in what he was doing and stared at the chalk. And stared. And stared. Many of the students wondered if he had finally fully cracked when-

"Isn't that just sad?" Pegasus asked, still staring at the chalk on the ground. "It's like 9/11."

Yugi stopped what he was doing, which was trying to awaken Joey by poking him. He stared up at his teacher. _How is breaking chalk like 9/11!_

"It's just so misfortunate!" Pegasus continued. He stooped down and picked up the chalk, then placed it on his podium. He stared at it mournfully. "It was taken before its time! It's so, so tragic!" A single tear rolled down Pegasus' cheek.

Everyone sat there silently. They weren't sure if they should laugh at Pegasus' reaction, or mourn with him. Or if they should call a mental hospital… They just quietly sat there, exchanging glances, unsure what to do now.

Then the silence was shattered by a loud snore. Where it came from? Do I really need to tell you? Well, it was obviously from the nose/mouth of our beloved Joey Wheeler…

Pegasus' head snapped up at the crude noise, and he scanned the class to find the perpetrator. His one eye fell on Joey, who was practically falling out of his seat, with a snot bubble slowly growing and decreasing from his nose, and a large stream of drool falling from his mouth, down the side of his face, and onto his chest.

"Mr. Wheeler!" The professor cried, shaking his finger. "This is not a sleeping class!"

But Joey remained dead to the world, and released another loud snore, which made several other classmates giggle and/or snicker. Yugi sank lower in his seat, wishing he could disappear. A sweat drop formed on his head. _This is SO embarrassing…_ He thought as slowly the laughter and number of pointing fingers grew.

Pegasus, on the other hand, did not seem amused. He drummed his fingers on his podium. "Mr. Wheeler, I said this is not the time to sleep. Get up! Mr. Wheeler? Mr. Wheeler!" Finally he picked up the piece of chalk and threw it across the room. His aim amazed Yugi, because the small piece of chalk hit Joey right in the middle of the forehead.

Instantly the blonde sat up, eyes wide. "The square root of lambda!"

Now the laughter erupted from all over the class, and even Yugi couldn't help but smile a bit.

"No, Mr. Wheeler." Pegasus muttered from the front. "The answer is not the square root of lambda."

Joey blinked, a bit confused. "Then is it the square root of pie?"

"Don't you mean the square root of _phi_, Mr. Wheeler?"

"No." Joey told him, a scowl on his face. "I mean the square root of _pie_." And he pulled out a pie from his bag, then cut it in two. "See?" He then swallowed the entire first half of the pie, then the second piece. Joey then turned to Yugi and smiled. "I always come prepared."

Down below, Pegasus was opening his mouth to say something more but was interrupted by the bell. He scowled at the class and said, "Fine, just go." As the students got up and gathered their things, the professor downed the last of his drink and pulled out a fresh bottle of whine from below his podium.

"Are you ready Joey?" Yugi asked as he quickly gathered his things.

"Yeah, sure." The blonde said after a long yawn. "I don't see why I have to come, though."

"Oh, it'll be fun!" As he said this, he nodded his head vigorously. Quickly he led the way out of the class and almost ran all the way to the apartment.

* * *

"Why are we here again?"

Yugi, Yami, Ryou, Bakura and Joey stood in the back of a large store, surrounded by many racks of strange outfits. Yugi, Joey and Ryou had hauled the former spirits to this place with them, without so much as an explanation, and were now looking through the assortment of funny clothing.

"We're here to buy costumes." Yugi told Yami, who had posed the previous question.

Yami raised an eyebrow and lifted a frilly sleeve from one of the dresses hanging on the rack. "What are costumes?"

"Clothes you dress up in." The other young man told him as he examined a pirate outfit. "We need them for Pegasus and Dartz's tea party. It's on Halloween, so we have to get costumes."

"And darn good ones!" Joey added as he appeared at Yugi's side. "If Kaiba's gunna be there, we can't have him recognizing you and Bakura." He then held up a harem girl outfit to his chest. "Tell me the truth; would I look good in this?"

Yugi just shook his head, but a puzzled expression was still on Yami's face. "What's "Halloween"?"

"You know what Halloween is, you dope." Yugi said with an aggravated sigh. "Remember when me and the gang would always get dressed up in funny clothes and go to a party or something like that?"

"Vaguely…" Yami muttered. "I always thought you and your friends had weird fetishes, and I would go hide in the Puzzle because I was embarrassed to even look at you…"

His counter part glared at him. "Thanks."

"Nah, it was Halloween!" Joey said, slapping Yami on the back. "Everyone dresses up. Little kids usually go around collecting candy door to door, but we older people go to fun parties. Though, I can't say I think this party will be much fun…"

"I'd rather collect the sweets…" A voice muttered. The guys turned to see Ryou and Bakura had joined them once again. Bakura had spoken, and he was currently wearing a frilly 1700's costume.

Yugi and Joey tried not to chuckle, but Yami went ahead and let out a laugh while pointing at Bakura.

"Shuttup." Bakura snapped, pulling the powder wig off his head. "It was Ryou's idea."

Ryou grinned evilly. "Yeah, it was…"

"Cut it out." Yugi ordered. "We have to get some good costumes."

Yami let out a long moan. "This is boring!"

"For once I agree with him." Bakura said with a nod as he hid behind a rack and changed into his normal clothes as two little old ladies who could still see Bakura stared in shock and with a bit of interest.

Ryou and Yugi exchanged looks. "We can't let you guys just wander around the mall. You have to stay with us." Yugi told them.

"We'll behave."

To this the former hosts just gave their yamis "Yeah, sure" looks.

"I'll take care of them!" Joey declared. "I wasn't having that much fun anyway." He draped his arms around Yami and Bakura's shoulders and began to lead them away from the other two.

"What about your costumes?" Ryou called after them.

"Pick ones out for us!" Joey replied. "Just don't make them too spastic!" And before either Ryou or Yugi could object again, Joey picked up his pace and pulled the two former spirits with him.

Joey led the way out of the large store and into the mall area. Once out there Bakura and Yami stopped and stared around in wonder.

When Joey realized the two were no longer with him he stopped. "What are you two goggling at?"

"It's so… strange." Bakura muttered. Yami slowly nodded his head.

The blonde just stared back at them. "Haven't you two been to a mall before?"

"I have." Yami said, raising his hand a bit. "But not one as big as this one."

"It is pretty large, I guess…" Joey rubbed his chin, thinking about it. Then his stomach let out a large growl which made Yami and Bakura jump away from him.

"What the bloody hell was that!" The thief demanded.

"It was my stomach. It must be lunch… Hey, you guys hungry?"

Before either of them could give an answer, Joey was taking off towards the food court.

"You to just wait here at the fountain, I'll be back in a minute." And then he was gone, lost in the crowd.

Yami and Bakura stared off at where Joey had vanished, then at each other.

"Well, now what?"

Yami gave a shrug. "We wait." He turned and sat on the ledge of the fountain, and Bakura followed. The two sat in silence, Yami looking around to see if Joey was coming back, Bakura looking at all the merchandise around them.

A couple of minutes passed and Yami let out a long sigh. How long was Joey going to take?

Something cold hit his face, and he heard splashing. "What the-?" He turned around to see Bakura laying on his stomach on the edge of the fountain and fishing things out of the pool of water. All around them, people were giving them strange glances.

"What are you doing!" Yami demanded, grabbing Bakura's shirt collar and pulling him away from the water.

The thief struggled to pull away. "Let go of me, you bloody… whatever you are!"

"Bakura, what do you think you were doing?"

"I was thirsty, so I was getting a drink."

Yami raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe that. You're not telling the truth!"

"I am!" Bakura cried, and the two glared at one another. Then the thief added, "I _was_ getting a drink. Then I saw shiny things in the bottom of the pool. See?" He held up a coin he had fished out. He rolled it between his fingers, his eyes strangely sparkling. "OoOoOoOo, shiny…"

"Those are just hunks of metal, they have no value to them!" And with that Yami swatted the coin of out Bakura's hand and back into the fountain.

"My shiny!" The white haired young man cried, leaping for Yami's grasp and towards the water. But the other yami was quicker and grabbed Bakura round the waste and hoisted him onto his shoulder, and began walking away with a bit of difficulty.

"I will not have you embarrassing me before all these people!" Yami snapped at Bakura's complaints. "We'll have to wait for Joey elsewhere. And what have you been eating, man?"

Bakura blinked down at him. "What do you mean?"

"You're heavy! You need to loose a few pounds!"

"And it's comments like those that are the reason why so many people have eating disorders! I'll have you know that I am in tip top shape. You're just weak."

Yami ground his teeth together. "And it's comments like those that are the reason why so many people are on steroids…"

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

They continued to walk through the mall, ignoring the glances they were getting. Most people weren't use to one young man carrying another young man through the mall over his shoulder.

But when they got far enough away from the fountain, Yami threw Bakura onto the ground with a great sigh of relief. Bakura, on the other hand, let out a cry of pain and rubbed his bum.

"Couldn't you be a little bit more gentle?" The thief asked. "You hurt my bloody arse." Several girls who were walking past giggled, because they took what Bakura said completely the wrong way, and they have sick, sick minds. Naughty girls, tsk tsk.

"Why should I make it easy for you when you're always rough with me?" More giggles from the Peanut Gallery. (A/N: where does that saying even come from!)

"If I didn't make it rough, it wouldn't be as much fun for me, or as satisfying for you when you finally get the job done." And yet more laughing.

"I suppose. But sometimes you ride me so hard, and test my limits so much, it's not even worth it."

By now the girls that were eavesdropping were laughing so hard, it was kind of hard to ignore them, and the two former spirits finally realized it was them they were laughing at. So they turned to the group of girls with death glares on their faces.

"Do you mind!" They cried together.

The girls all got scared looks on their faces, and took off through the mall. Once they were gone from view, the two yamis looked at one another.

"What was that all about?" Yami wondered.

"I don't know. But look at that place!" Bakura was pointing to a CD store. Before Yami could object, the thief was running towards it. With a sigh, Yami followed.

Bakura went over to a sample player and began to look over it closely. "What kind of contraption is this?"

"I've seen those before." Yami said, pointing to the headphones. "You wear them over your ears."

The thief nodded quickly and placed the headphones on his head. "Now what?"

"I don't know…" The former Pharaoh stared at the box hanging on the wall, and noticed the buttons. He pressed one, which was Stop, so nothing happened. He pressed the next one, Play, and the CD in the sample player began to spin.

Both yamis jumped when the disc began to spin, but then they leaned closer to watch it, mesmerized.

And then the music began to blare. And I mean really, REALLY loud, because the pervious user had turned the volume up all the way. Bakura cringed in pain as Whitney Houston was screaming in his ears. With a bit of difficulty, he pulled the headphones off, and then attacked the sample player.

"Bakura!" Yami tried to grab the thief, but already he had the sample player in his hands, and with freakish strength pulled the player off the wall, threw it to the ground, and began to stomp on it.

"Well…" Yami muttered when Bakura had stepped away from the severely broken sample player and spat on it. "That was interesting…"

"What kind of magic was that?" Bakura asked. "Or was it more of Yugi's "tekmologeh"?"

"I'm not sure. But whatever it is, I think it's an assassination gizmo." The two exchanged looks. "Let's get away from here." Yami added.

Bakura nodded, and the two quickly moved towards the front of the store and left, running to a store on the other side of the mall; a candy store.

"This stuff smells wonderful!" Bakura said, happily. He opened a jar full of suckers and popped on into his mouth.

"It's better than that store where we got the Ice Sugar." Yami agreed, thinking back to 7-11 and Slurpees.

The white haired young man shrugged. "I like that other place better. There were books with women wearing hardly anything, or nothing at all!"

Yami gave him a look. "Why didn't you tell me- Wait, no! Bakura, you are a horrible, horrible person for looking at those!" But he also made a mental note to find his way back to that store and find those books…

The two ventured through the candy store, stuffing their faces, pockets and arms full of candy and sweets. When they could hold no more, they decided it was best to return to the fountain and wait for Joey.

But before they could make it through the door of the candy store, the store clerk cried out and forced them to stop.

"You need to pay for all of that!"

The yamis exchanged looks. "What do you mean?"

"This isn't free." The clerk told them matter-of-factly. "You have to pay for everything, or I'll call Security."

"Pay with what?"

"Money, of course!"

Again the looked at one another. "What's money?"

"Coins!"

"I'm sorry." Yami said sheepishly. "We're, um, new to this place and we don't have any of this "money". Let me go find my-"

"No money, no candy." The clerk said, trying to grab some of the sweets that Bakura held.

"No!" The thief cried, jumping back. His tone went low. "It's _mine_!"

"Fine." The young man went back behind the counter. "I'm calling Security." He told them, then picked up a phone.

Yami's eyes widened. "Yugi once told me Security is like the Palace Guards. They'll behead us!"

"I'll be damned if I get beheaded, or stolen from!" Bakura nearly growled. "I'll take care of this…"

* * *

"Well, glad we got this done."

Ryou and Yugi were leaving the big store with their bags of costumes. They smiled, happy to have that task over and done with. Now they just needed to find the others.

As if on cue, Joey ran up, huffing and puffin, and his eyes wide and frightened.

"Joey, what's wrong!" Yugi cried.

"I- I- lost- t-them." The blonde told them between gasps of air.

"You lost-?" Ryou began, then stopped in mid sentence. "You lost _them_! You lost Bakura and Yami! How could you do that!"

"I turned around for only a second. But when I looked again, they were gone!"

Ryou nodded his head, but Yugi frowned. "You left them to go to the food court, didn't you?"

"Yes…" Joey said, shamefaced. "I told them to wait for me at the fountain, but when I came back they were gone!"

"We have to find them!" Ryou cried. "Who knows what they'll do! They might hurt someone, or hurt each other, or-" He stopped and was staring at something coming towards them.

"Ryou, this is no time to be in shock!" Yugi told him. "We have to go out and-" But Ryou grabbed Yugi's head and forced him to look at what he was looking at. Joey shrugged and followed their gazes as well.

Coming towards them, perfectly fine, were Yami and Bakura. And they had all their pockets, shirts, and their arms stuffed full of candy.

"Where… did you get that?" Yugi asked as soon as they two former spirits were before them.

"A store."

"What store?"

"The candy store."

Yugi sighed. "That REALLY clears it up."

"How did you pay for all that?" Ryou questioned.

"We didn't."

"So you stole it."

"No."

"Yes, you didn't pay for it, so you stole it."

"It's the clerk bloody fault!" Bakura snapped. "He wasn't there. If he had been there like he was suppose to, we wouldn't have taken it."

"The store clerk was gone?"

"Well, what did I just bloody say?"

Ryou sighed. "Even if the clerk's gone, you shouldn't just take the stuff."

"No, no." Joey interrupted. "It's teaching the cashier a lesson. They should be on duty at all times, not running off and leaving the store unguarded. So, I say we go back there and teach the cashier some more lessons. By taking more candy!"

He then marched off, followed by Yami and Bakura. Yugi and Ryou sighed, but followed them. Why was it always them?

They got to the store and saw that it was, indeed, empty of any working personnel. Or anyone else for that matter. Joey almost dove right into the candy, and the yamis gathered up more sweets than they already had.

"Well, we might as well enjoy it." Ryou offered to a scowling Yugi. When the short young man didn't reply, Ryou ran off to the Jelly Belly Beans and got as many as he could carry.

"This is wrong you guys." Yugi muttered. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Lighten up, Yug." Joey told him, shoving a candy apple into Yugi's mouth (and surprisingly the whole thing fit!). "I want to see how much money is in the cash register!" And with that the blonde ran back behind the counter.

But before he could get to the register, he tripped on something and fell.

"God damn!" Joey cried, sitting up and rubbing his nose. "What the hell did I-?" But he stopped, staring at what he had tripped on. It was a guy, in a smock that matched the surroundings of the candy store.

"Oh my god!" The blonde squealed, jumping up.

"Joey, did you _squeal_?" Yugi asked stunned.

"Yes, I did." He frowned at his friend. "But that's beside the matter, because I just found the store clerk, and he's _dead_!"

"What!" Yugi and Ryou ran over to the counter and looked at the dead clerk as well.

Ryou spun around to his counter part. "Bakura, you said the store was empty!"

"It is." A smile crept over the thief's lips. "Now."

"You killed the cashier!"

"I did no such thing! He just fell… Conveniently onto my dagger…"

Ryou's jaw was nearly on the floor. "I thought I took all your daggers away!"

Again Bakura smiled. "You can never take away all my daggers. I have one EVERYWHERE."

"Ew, I touched a dead guy! I touched a dead guy!" Joey was hopping from one foot to the other, shaking his hands. "That's so _gross_, I need to wash myself." And he ran off and jumped into a nearby fountain, only to be attacked by giant koi fish.

"We need to get out of here." Yugi muttered. "Before someone else comes in."

"And get rid of the store security footage!" Ryou added.

Quickly, while Joey was distracting people in the mall because he was being attacked by the koi fish, Ryou and Yugi went into the store's back to find and destroy the security footage, and Yami and Bakura stuffed the clerk's dead body at the bottom of a bin of licorice.

"Ok, we're done." Yugi mumbled as he stuffed the broken security footage into his shopping bag and Bakura stuffed the money from the register into his candyfilled pockets.

"Let's get home!" Ryou added.

The four left the candy shop, grabbed/saved Joey from the koi pond, and raced back to the apartment as quickly as their legs could carry them.


	7. The Dorm

Chione: yay! The Halloween edition is **almost** up! That's right, this isn't it, even though I said it was going to be.

Yami: so, you're a liar then?

Chione: no. It's just that this chapter was getting lengthy, so I decided to separate the stuff from before the party from the actual party itself. That, I hope, will be up in time for Halloween. A few days late, at the most. But we're getting there! -_runs around throwing bonbons everywhere_-

Yami: o.O bonbons?

Chione: it's French for "candies"! It's one of the few things I actually remember from French class in elementary school… I hated French…

Yami: right…

Chione: and I remember "le sac de bonbon", which is bag of candy. And that song that went something like- -_sings_- Barracuda, barracuda, nager, nager, nager. Barracuda, barracuda, coup, coup, coup. Oh non, il a été mangé par un… Grande baleine, grande baleine, nager, nager, nager. Grande baleine, grande baleine, coup, coup, coup. -_takes a bow_-

Yami: o.O what was that?

Chione: oh, that translates to, I think- -_sings_- Barracuda, barracuda, swim, swim, swim. Barracuda, barracuda, gulp, gulp, gulp. Oh no, it was eaten by a… Big whale, big whale, swim, swim, swim. Big whale, big whale, gulp, gulp, gulp. There was more to it, but I don't remember the rest.

Yami: ok…

Chione: and then there was that Halloween song, that I REALLY wish I could remember. I remember the "serpent bleu," or blue snake… and it's chorus was- -_sings_- Say la'laween. Say la'laween. HEY! I'm not sure if that's how it actually goes, but that's what I remember…

Yami: can we PLEASE get onto the story!

Chione: -.- fine. Don't be so pushy… today to do the disclaimer, we have- Kisara!

Kisara: hello. Chione doesn't own Yugioh. Also, she doesn't own Frankenstein, Zorro, or the Grim Reaper.

Chione: though I wish I did! Anywho, onto the chapter!

* * *

"We have a bit of a situation…"

Yugi stood at the front door of the apartment. Before him was Dartz, dressed up in a frilly blue 1700s outfit and large white powder wig, which made Yugi a bit grateful he and Ryou didn't buy the similar costume that Bakura had tried on in the store.

It was October 31st, the night of Pegasus and Dartz's tea party. While the rest of his friends were still excited about the parties they were going to that night, Yugi had been in the middle of getting dressed in his pirate costume. In his room, Yami was dressing in costume. Yugi tried not to chuckle at the thought; poor Yami, had no idea just what he was. Oh well, more fun for the rest of them.

But right now his professor gave him a funny look that made the fake mole beside his mouth twitch. "What do you mean?"

"We, uh… we can't find Joey."

It was true. The young man had gone out, saying he was going to check if Ryou and Bakura were ready. But he hadn't returned.

"Well, it's obvious what we have to do." Dartz told him.

"What?"

"We have to go out and look for him!" His tone was matter-of-factly. "What was his costume?"

"A lion."

"A lion?"

Yugi sighed. "Yeah. He said he was going as the Cowardly Lion. Because then he would have to find courage. Which in Joey speak is whisky."

"Ah." Dartz said, a concerned look on his face. "I understand he's been having a hard time since his sister announced her engagement."

"Yeah, and- wait, how did you know about that!"

"Dear Yugi, I know _everything_." And his eyes twinkled strangely, giving the spiky haired young man the creeps. "Except where Joey is." Dartz added quickly, making Yugi fall to the ground.

"Well, we'd better go find him." Yugi muttered as he got up from the ground.

"I'll start out right now. You finish getting all costumed up, and I'll meet you outside!" And with that Dartz was gone, lost in the growing crowd of dressed up people in the hallway.

Yugi quickly returned to the bathroom. All he had to do was apply his fake mustache and blacken out a few of his teeth and he was ready. When he finished, he went over to his room and knocked on the door quietly, trying not to make others in the apartment think he was hiding someone in his room (mostly, well, only Kaiba).

"Come in." Yami said in a low voice. He sounded irritated.

The other young man entered his room to see his counter part before the mirror, staring at his reflection blankly. He wore a French maid's outfit, complete with feather duster, apron, knee high stockings and high heels. Kuriboh was at his back, finishing the lacing up of the ribbons.

"Are you sure men wear this?" Yami asked, glancing over at Yugi with an accusing glare. "It seems a bit… feminine."

"Oh yeah, men wear it a lot. And it's suppose to be feminine, it's Halloween and you're suppose to dress in odd things." As he said this he tried his best not to burst into laughter.

Yami continued to glare at him. "I don't entirely trust you…"

"I don't expect you to." He sat down on the bed. "Besides, it's the perfect costume. Kaiba'll never recognize you."

"I hardly recognize me…" Yami's voice was a bitter mumble.

There was a little cry of victory and Kuriboh plopped down beside Yugi. "Finished!"

"Not yet." To the monster and the former Pharaoh's questioning glances, Yugi got up and pulled out a fluffy blonde wig from the costume box beside his bed. He managed to stuff all of Yami's spikes into the wig (after a couple of minutes of trying) and finally Yami was nearly complete.

"Are we done yet?"

"No."

Yugi went over to the door and spoke with someone standing there. Kuriboh watched with faint interest, and Yami gave Yugi's back a questioning look.

"Yugi… what are you doing?"

"Nothing. I just had to call in a favor to help finish off your costume."

There was a sly grin on the young man's face, and when he stepped away from the door Yami saw why. Rebecca stood there, her arms filled with what Yami had learned was "makeup."

The former Pharaoh took a step away. "Oh dear Ra, no!"

"Come on, Yami." Rebecca said with a smile as she entered. "You'll like it."

"That's what you said last time! I won't let you experiment on me anymore!"

Yugi and Rebecca exchanged glances. Then, before Yami could react, they pounce on him. With a bit of a struggle, Yugi managed to get Yami's arms behind his back, and Rebecca quickly applied the makeup with astonishing accuracy. Once they were done, Rebecca stood back to admire her work and Yami used all his willpower not to scream.

"I look like a girl!" He cried in dismay, staring at his reflection.

"A very pretty girl, too." Kuriboh added happily. When Yami shot him a glare, the monster squealed and hid behind Yugi.

But Rebecca as frowning. "Something's not right…" She looked Yami up and down, then went to stand beside him before the mirror. She examined her reflection, and then Yami's, and then her own once more. Then she smiled.

"I see…" Without an explanation she went over to Yugi's dresser and opened up the sock drawer, taking out two balls of socks. She then went over to Yami, and stuffed one sock ball down his dress.

He jumped back with a shout. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING! You should ASK before you just go shoving your hands down someone's dress!"

"Settle down!" She snapped back. "It's not like you have anything there to grab! And that's what I'm fixing." With that she shoved the other sock ball down his front, spun him towards the mirror, and continued to adjust the sock balls until she was satisfied.

"Um…" A voice came from the door, making the others turn. Duke stood there, in a Frankenstein costume, his eyes wide on Rebecca and Yami.

"Why is Rebecca fondling some random girl?" He asked, completely baffled and unsure if he should look away or keep staring. He kept staring.

The teenager turned bright red. Lost for anything else to do, she grabbed a picture sitting on Yugi's dresser and threw it at Duke's head. "I'M NOT FONDLING ANYONE! IT'S YAMI!"

Duke managed to dodge the picture, now staring at the former spirit. "That's Yami?"

"Yes…" His words were constricted as he glared at Yugi, Kuriboh and Rebecca.

At this Duke turned a bit red under his own horrific makeup. "Well… then it would completely wrong of me to ask for your name and phone number then?"

"Yes, it would be!" He crossed his arms and glared at Yugi. "You had better sleep with one eye open…"

Someone pushed past Duke and into the room. It was Marik, in a Zorro costume. "Yugi, I just say Dartz outside. He says to hurry up, or you'll be late for the party." His eyes found Yami. "Nice costume, Pharaoh." And then he was gone, back in the other room.

"How did you recognize him?" Duke demanded as he followed after Marik. "Why didn't I!"

Yugi sighed, then turned to Rebecca. "Thanks for the help."

"No problem!" She said brightly, ignoring Yami's dark muttering.

"Well, Yami, let's go." Yugi got up and began to head for the door, Yami sweeping past him.

"Ladies first." Yami mumbled darkly, his eyes full of resentment.

"I don't know what's scarier…" Yugi mumbled to Rebecca as he watched Yami approach the door. "The fact that he looks like a girl, or that he can actually walk well in high heels…"

"It does make you wonder…" The girl said with a nod. But when Yugi began to walk away, she grabbed onto his arm. "You're not leaving yet."

He blinked, confused. "What?"

"Come on, Yugi!" Yami said, holding the door open. The people in the hall examined him as they walked by; some realizing he was a guy in drag, others thinking he was a guyish girl.

"May payment." Rebecca said, her grasp on his arm firm. "You promised."

Yugi glanced around. Though he tried to pretend otherwise, Yugi could tell Marik was listening from the kitchen. Duke and Kuriboh stared at the pair shamelessly, and Yami watched his counterpart with increasing annoyance.

"Let's go!" The yami demanded again.

"Once I get my payment." Rebecca cried at him. She turned back to Yugi. "You promised me, Yugi."

Yugi continued to watch the others. "Not here, not now."

A dark look crossed her face. "Here. Now. Or you're not going."

He gave her a pleading look, but it was obvious she would not be swayed. Yugi heaved a large sigh, and quickly kissed her on the cheek. Duke and Kuriboh let out a cry, Marik had a coy smile, and Yami had an odd expression on his face.

"We were waiting for THAT!" He demanded.

"Yes." The blonde girl said, smiling widely. She, in turn, gave Yugi a large smooch on the cheek, which received an embarrassed look from Yugi and two more cries from Kuriboh and Duke. "Now, you can go."

With a sigh of relief Yugi quickly went over to Yami and pulled him into the hall.

"And if you go drooling over some other girl at that party, I'll have yours and her's heads! And-" But Yugi had closed the door on the rest of Rebecca's warnings. He breathed deeply.

"Are we going now?" Yami questioned, irritation clear under his makeup.

Yugi pushed himself away from the door. "In a moment. I just have to tell Ryou we're leaving separately, and we'll meet them at the party."

He went to the door across the hall and knocked. It took a few minutes, and a couple of muffled curses, but the door opened and Ryou stood there, his face paler than usual and wearing a black robe with a hood over his hair.

"My Ra, who are you suppose to be?" Yami asked before he could stop himself.

Ryou gave a shy smile. "The Grim Reaper," He held up hands that wore skeleton gloves. Then he looked over Yami. "Miss." He added. Yami only glared daggers at him.

Quickly, Yugi filled Ryou in on the Joey situation. When he finished, a loud and long curse radiated from somewhere in the apartment, followed by, "How the bloody hell does this go on!"

"Costume trouble?" Yugi asked.

Ryou smiled again, only this time his smile was full of malice and evil joy. It made Yugi shiver. "A little bit."

"What's Bakura going as?"

"It's a surprise." The other young man said with a wink. "Now, you to had best be going. Captain," He saluted Yugi. "Ma'am." He tipped an invisible hat to Yami. But before the former spirit could strike him, he had closed the door.

With a bit of a struggle Yugi hauled his counter part down the stairs and outside the apartment building. Dartz was waiting for them, waving regally to passerbys. Yugi was at his side in an instant, grabbing his arm and forcing it to his side.

"Don't be doing that!" The short young man hissed. "I have to live here, with these people!"

"Oh, I was merely being nice." Dartz said. His eyes rested on Yami. "From Pharaoh to French Maid. Can't say it's a step down, though…"

Yami looked like he was going to kill someone. Probably one of the already drunk men that kept gawking at him… "Zip it." He said to Dartz, ignoring the one young man that was whistling at him.

"Settle down, guys." Yugi sighed. "We have to find Joey."

"I asked around as I waited." His professor said, sweeping off in some direction. Yugi quickly followed, and Yami did the same after he flipped off some of the young men staring at him.

Yugi gaped at him. "Where did you learn that?"

"Nowhere." But it was obvious that he learned it from one of three places: TV, Joey, or Bakura. Maybe even all three at once. Who knew?

"Ahem." Dartz brought their attention back to him. "As I was saying, I asked a few other students if they had seen a man in a lion suit stumbled past in a drunken stupor. They all pointed me in this direction, said he went into this dormitory here."

Yugi looked around. They were already on campus, and heading towards a dorm where a party was obviously being thrown. People were running around screaming, some with their tops off (it was a variety of breasts and grossly hairy chests), and the smell of beer was everywhere.

Dartz and Yugi asked a few of the students if they had seen a drunken lion. It seem there were a few of them at this particular party. Or, two at the least. One had gone to the upper levels of the dorm, while another had gone to the lower.

"We'll have to separate." Yugi mumbled. "You go downstairs, I'll go up. We'll meet back at the front doors, alright?"

"Yes, yes, very well." Dartz said, already floating towards the steps that led to the basement. "See you in a jiff." He then went down the steps, entering the lower floor.

It was quieter down there, the loud noises from above muffled. But there was a source of noise, coming from down the hall, where the laundry room was.

Dartz entered this room to find it filled with smoke, and a circle of young people were sitting on the floor, passing small rolls of paper around. Some of them were giggling hysterically, some were staring off into space, some were ranting about nothing, but all of them had bloodshot eyes.

And at the far end of the room sat a lion, missing the top of his costume and his blonde hair spiked with gel to make a large main. A flask, most likely filled with whiskey, was strapped to his waste.

"Hey, Dartz!" Joey was grinning like a fool, like all his worries were gone. He got up and half crawled, half stumbled over to his professor and draped an arm around his shoulder. "Hey, hey. Let me- buy you- a drink." His speech as a bit slurred, either from the drink or the drug.

"Young Joseph, how can you stand this awful smell?" He pulled the joint from Joey's fingers. "And what a dreadful habit to start!"

"Don't knock it till try it." His grin grew wider. "Try it! Peer pressure! Peer pressure!"

The rest of the circle began to chant with Joey, until the only thing that could be heard was "Peer pressure!"

Dartz examined each and every one of them. Then he examined the paper roll in his hand. "I suppose cigarettes aren't so bad. It's been years since I had one. What the hell, I'll have on smoke!"

And a cheer arose from the circle.

* * *

"Yami, where are you?"

Yugi was looking around, trying to find where Yami had disappeared as he talked to Dartz. He found his counter part heading towards the table of liquor, and grabbed his arm. "Not for you."

"If I'm going to be dressed like this, I might as well drink my humiliation away!"

The shorter young man gave him a dark look. "No. If you're drunk, you might expose who you really are, as well as other parts of yourself that shouldn't be exposed. No drinking."

"Fine. Let's just find Joey and get out of here."

Yami began to follow Yugi to the stairs and slowly the made it to the second floor, wading through drunk people and horrible monsters as they did. They couldn't find Joey on the second floor, so they went to the third, then the fourth. Finally, they were at the top.

"Yugi, no one is up here." Yami complained as he followed his friend down the hall. "Let's go and find Dartz, he probably found him."

Yugi shook his head defiantly. "No, he has to be up here. There's noise coming from the room at the end of the hall, we'll ask those people if they've seen him, then go back down."

Silently the two went to the end. The noise coming from the room was strange to both of them, muffled by the walls and the sound radiating from below. The door was slightly ajar, letting a sliver of light out.

"Sorry to intrude," Yugi began, pushing the door open. "But we were wondering-" He stopped in mid sentence, his eyes wide.

Yami gave him a worried look. "What's wrong?" He looked into the room.

There were two people in there. In the bed across from them. They seemed to be wrestling. A confused look crossed Yami's face, until-

"OH, DEAR RA!" Yami jumped away from the door, covering his eyes. "DON'T YOU PEOPLE HAVE THE DECENCY TO LOCK YOUR DOORS! OR AT LEAST TO _CLOSE_ THEM!"

His outburst seemed to bring Yugi back to reality. Instantly one of his hands was over his eyes, his face going completely red. "I am SO sorry for interrupting! I didn't mean to! I just thought-" Again he stopped in mid sentence, his eyes going even wider. Then, a cry came out of him.

"TEA!"

Yami was instantly back at the door, seeing for himself that it was indeed the brunette, friendship-preaching girl he knew so well. Well, _thought_ he knew, at least.

"YUGI!" Tea had spun around, pulling the covers around her. "I thought you went to that Tea Party! And why is Yami in a dress!"

"Why are you here? Screwing, wait, is that-? OH MY GOD, TRISTAN!"

His other friend smiled sheepishly, giving a small wave. "Hi Yugi. And, um, Yugi's friend…"

"I'm Yami!" Yami snapped, not liking how Tristan was eyeing him.

Tea noticed, too, and she hit him. "You pig! You check out other girls even when we're making love!"

"I'm not a girl!"

"Yeah, he's not a girl!"

"That's what makes it worse!"

Yami stepped away from the door so he couldn't see. "Yugi, I think we should leave." He looked around. "Yugi?" He looked up the hall to see Yugi quickly going down the stairs. "Yugi!"

He ran to catch up, surprised he didn't trip in his heels. He caught up to Yugi on the main floor. His counter part was standing at the front door, looking around desperately.

"Where the hell is Dartz!" Yugi cried when Yami reached his side. "We were up stairs for who knows how long. The basement is small, it can't take that long to find one person!"

"Maybe he found Joey, but is having troubles bringing him up here." Yami offered. "Should we go down stairs?"

"Yes." And before Yami knew it Yugi was descending into the basement, and once again he had to run to catch up. But as he reached the stairs, he felt something squeeze his rear.

"Hey cuttie." Another voice said, trying to be smooth and coy.

Yami spun around, daggers in his eyes. He slapped the other man. "How _dare_ you! That's no way to treat a lady!" And he slapped the other man again. "Have. Some. Damn. Manners. You. Pig!" With every word he slapped the man. When he was done, he flipping the blonde wig curls over his shoulder and disappeared into the basement.

At the bottom Yugi stood there. He had seen the entire thing from the steps. He had a look of disbelief.

"Who _are_ you?" He asked, astounded. "Why is nothing making sense anymore!"

"I'm not sure." Yami shrugged, then led the way down the hall. "I think Joey and Dartz are in there." He pointed to a door where loud noises were coming from.

The two entered the room and froze. Dartz and Joey were in the middle of a circle of people, their eyes bloodshot. And they were singing. Two different songs with two different rhythms. And they were waltzing. With each other.

Yugi's eyes twitched as he watched them. "I'm not sure I can take it anymore…"

But Yami stomped forward and grabbed Joey by the neck (because he wasn't wearing a shirt and had no collar). "What do you think you're doing! We've been looking for you everywhere! Do you know what we had to go through to find you!"

"Yami?" Joey blinked, his gaze hazy. "Did you get a sex change? You look pretty h-" He couldn't finish, because Yami slapped him.

"NEVER think like that again! And get a hold of yourself! What's wrong with you, man!"

"What is wrong with you guys?" Yugi asked, trying his best not to loose it. He went over to Dartz. "Professor?"

"It's the magic sticks! The magic sticks are so wonderful!" He held out a joint to Yugi. "Want to try? Go on, try! Peer pressure! Peer pressure!"

Yugi took the roll of paper and stared at it. Then he looked at the most sane of the bunch. "Drugs? You got my professor _stoned_!"

"He wanted to, man." But the other young man's voice was almost lost in the growing chant of "Peer pressure."

Yugi gave an exasperated look to Yami. "Let's just get them out of here."

His counter part nodded and grabbed Joey while Yugi grabbed Dartz. Together, they pulled the other pair out of the room, out of the dorm, and towards their actual destination; the Tea Party.

Behind them, in the laundry room of the dorm, the other stoners continued to chant "Peer pressure" until it slowly died away. They each exchanged looks, unsure what to do.

Then one called out after Yugi and Yami, "Kill joys!"


	8. The Tea Party

Chione: I know, I'm late! Almost a week late. I thought I'd have the chapter up, but I never got time to work on it! So, don't blame me, blame my stupid homework and school play!

Yami: you didn't have to be in the play you know…

Chione: -_whacks Yami_- and miss an opportunity to be in the spot light! I don't think so!

Yami: x.x owie, my head… -_rubs his head_-

Chione: well, it was a fun play. It was called "Showdown at Sandvalley" and I played Percy Nebbets. GO ME!

Bakura: o.O you played a guy?

Chione: -.- yes. There were only eight parts, and only one of them was a girl. And I couldn't do a Scottish accent, so I didn't get it. The funny thing is that even though seven out of eight characters were guys, the entire cast was girls except for two guys.

Yami and Bakura: o.O

Chione: anyway, the play's over and I finally got the chapter done! Now, here to do the disclaimer is -_drum roll_- The Grinch!

Grinch: -_scowls at everyone_-

Yami: o.O the Grinch? For the Halloween special?

Chione: he looks like a monster! And, I promised Jack from "The Nightmare Before Christmas" that he could do the Christmas special…

Yami: ah…

Chione: so, Grinchy, take it away!

Grinch: -.- you can't tell me what to do! I'll start when I please.

-_half an hour later_-

Grinch: Chione doesn't own Yugioh, or the rabbit from that cartoon Pegasus loves so much, the pansy… or the Grim Reaper, or Jesus, or Kung Fu.

Chione: I don't even _know_ Kung Fu. But it would be cool to own Jesus…

Everyone: o.O

Chione: shuttup! Let's just get on with the chapter! Oh, and when Joey's ranting about how Death can die, there really is a book that has what Joey says happen. It's called "On a Pale Horse" by Piers Anthony. It's SO good!

* * *

"Happy Halloween!"

Pegasus cried in joy as the group walked through the large, decorated doors. The man was dressed as the rabbit from his favorite cartoon, and threw candy over them as the entered the large mansion. A large piece managed to hit Yugi square in the head, further worsening his current mood.

"What's wrong, Yugi-boy?" The silver haired professor asked as he crouched down and patted Yugi's spiky head. "Are you grumpy that you don't get to go trick-or-treating?"

Yugi just glared at him, and continued to haul Joey into the house. Yami followed after him, shoving a giggling Dartz towards Pegasus.

"Dude, I see butterflies!" Dartz cried as Yugi, Yami and Joey retreated further into the house. Yami glanced over his shoulder to see his counter part's professor begin to dance and twirl around.

The inside of the house was decorated with black and orange. Jack-o-lanterns dotted the large room they had entered into, and ghosts, ghouls, and goblins hung from the walls and even the chandelier. The room was full of people in interesting costumes, but Yugi took no notice. Instead he pushed his way over to the punch bowl, which he hoped was already spiked, and began to fill himself a glass.

"Yugi, what's wrong?" The former pharaoh asked as he took a place at Yugi's side, taking Joey away from Yugi's care and propping the disposed young man against a wall.

As he did so, he saw a beautiful young woman walk past. She had long black hair, and wore a black dress that was short cut. A tail was pinned to the dress right above her rear, and black ears were propped on her head. A cat.

Joey, who was still quite stoned, grabbed Yami's face and made him look around at all the people. "Man… it's like something out of… an anime! Look at all the funny clothes!" He pointed to a young lady dressed as a bumblebee and began to laugh at her.

She scowled back at him, came over, and slapped him across the face. Then she turned on her heel and left, muttering, "Jerk."

Ignoring this incident, Yami quickly looked around for the cat woman again, but she was gone. Deciding it might be fore the best, he fixed his attention on Yugi. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Hey, look at that." Joey was muttering, pointing to the chandelier. "Do you think they're dead?"

"I'm not in the mood to party…" Yugi told his counter part, ignoring Joey and thinking back to what he had seen in the dorm. It made him shiver and feel sick. "I don't want to talk about it."

Yami sighed. "I completely underst-"

"What was Tea doing with Tristan!" Yugi cried out, cutting off Yami. "I mean, _they're_ together! That's not suppose to be how things go! Me and her are suppose to be together! THAT'S HOW IT SHOULD'VE BEEN!"

"There's nothing you can do." The former spirit said sympathetically, patting the shorter young man's shoulder. "Other than complain to the authoress…" He added in a mumble.

"What was that?"

Yami looked up. "Hm? I said nothing."

"Oh…"

They continued to just stand there, looking at all the other people having a good time, thinking their own thoughts. Yugi was thinking about how Tea and Tristan had destroyed his dreams, Yami was thinking about how he could cheer Yugi up, and Joey was thinking about strawberry ducks.

"You know, this is so pointless." Yugi finally mumbled, putting his drink down. "This punch isn't even spiked, what a waste. I think I'll just head home."

He began to make his way through the crowd and towards the door when two arms wrapped around him.

"Yugi-boy, where are you going!"

It was Pegasus. And he squeezed Yugi tight, smiling like an idiot.

"I, um, I was going to head home."

"What for? Not having a good time?"

"No, not really…"

A creepy smile crept across Pegasus' face. "Well, I know how to turn that frown up-side-down!"

"What?" His professor's grin was making Yugi a bit uneasy.

"Shh! It's a surprise!" And before Yugi could object, the silver haired man was pulling him through the crowd and through some other doors, disappearing from sight.

"Well, that was interesting…" Yami mumbled from where he still stood by the punch bowl, sipping his drink.

Then he saw her again, the lady in the cat costume, just a few feet from him, heading in the other direction. "Ra, she's a beauty. Don't you think so, Joey?"

No answer. He looked beside him to see the blonde had vanished. "Joey! Now where have you gone!"

He jumped up on the snack table, completely forgetting he was wearing a short skirt, and began to look around the room frantically for Joey. A few guys passed the table, and one, being a huge perv, decided to sneak a peak.

Too bad for him, Yami wasn't actually a girl, and the sight that the young man peaked was rather disturbing. His face turned green and he jumped away from the table.

"OH MY GOD!" He cried. "THAT CHICK'S A DUDE!"

Yami spun around, wide eyed. Just behind this hysteric man as Kaiba, dressed up in a knight's costume. He was watching the scene, one eye arose in question.

_Crap! He'll recognize me if I don't do something!_ Yami thought in horror.

So, swallowing his pride, he jumped down from the table and over to the screaming young man. And in his most feminine voice said, "Who are you calling a dude, you hooligan! How dare you look up a young lady's dress!"

"Back off!" Another girl cried, stepping between Yami and the other man. "Leave my boyfriend alone, you, you-"

"Man." Her boyfriend supplied for her.

"Yeah, you man!"

"Man!" Yami cried, his voice going higher than he though possible. "I have you know that I'm more woman than you, bitch! Now, step off before a scratch out your eyes!" And he swept past both of them with the air of a drama queen. Emphasis on _queen_.

Just beyond, heading off to the other side of the room, he saw the lady in the cat costume. Perfect, he could finally go talk to her! Even though he should be trying to find Joey… oh well, this was more important!

As he began to head off, something (or someone) made him stop.

"Well, aren't you a tough one?"

Yami froze. That voice belong to Kaiba. He turned to his rival/unknowing roommate standing behind him. The brunette was looking at him in a strange way, and he didn't like it.

"Maybe I am." The former spirit said, keeping his voice in the tone of a girl's. "What of it?"

Kaiba gave him a small smile. "Nothing. But there are some nastier men around here. Maybe you should be a bit more careful. If you stay with me, I'll make sure no one bothers you anymore."

Yami's eyes went wider than he thought they could. _Is he-? NO, HE CAN'T BE!_

"How about I get you a drink?"

_Yep. He's definitely hitting on me..._ Yami tried to give Kaiba a smile, and a sweat drop formed on the back of his head. _Who knew Kaiba had it in him? Well, I guess it's safe to say he doesn't recognize me…_

"Well?"

Kaiba was still waiting for Yami to answer him.

"Uh… sure." The former pharaoh said slowly.

"Alright. I'll be right back, don't move." He gave Yami a small wink and began to move towards the snack table.

Yami waited for Kaiba to turn his back, then bolt to the other side of the room. Feeling a bit sick, he leaned against a wall and tried to catch his breath.

_What a night… When can it be over!_

He looked around frantically. No, the cat lady was gone, again. Damn!

And he still needed to find Joey. Ironically enough, he saw the blonde, slowly moving down a hallway with another figure dressed all in black holding a scythe. White hair poked out of his hood.

"It's Ryou!" Yami cried, recognizing his friend. Quickly he bound after the two, calling out their names.

Ryou turned, smiling when he saw Yami. "There you are. We were looking for you. Where's Yugi?"

"Pegasus hauled him off somewhere. Who knows where they are. Where did you find Joey?"

"Trying to climb into some poor girl's cleavage, I'm afraid." Ryou slowly shook his head. "What happened to him?"

With a sigh Yami quickly told Ryou what had happened at the dorm. When he finished Ryou was shaking his head even more slowly.

"Well, that explains why when Dartz saw my scythe outside he screamed and said, "Don't hurt me. I'm not made of wheat…""

"He said that to you?"

"No, he said that to the scythe. And then he continued to have a conversation with it about raindrops."

Yet another sweat drop formed on Yami's head. "Alright… Um, where's Bakura?"

"Me and him split up to find you two. So, he still must be out in the ballroom."

"Uh, do you think it was wise to let him go off on his own?"

Ryou smiled a bit sinisterly. "We won't dare do anything in the costume he's wearing. One false move, and the cat's out of the bag, as it were."

The spiky haired young man blinked in confusion. "Right…"

"What's that?" Joey finally spoke. He was pointing at something down the hall.

Slowly the group went towards it and saw that it was a painting that had caught Joey's attention. In the painting was a large cross with wings.

The blonde was staring at it warily. "What does it mean?"

"It's represents death." Ryou muttered, pointing to a little plaque sitting beside it.

"Looks more like it should represent religion to me." Yami muttered.

Joey scratched his chin, thinking. Maybe the drugs were wearing off…

"If they were going to represent death, they should've put the Grim Reaper on one side, and maybe Jesus on the other… OH, the Grim Reaper and Jesus fighting each other using Kung Fu!"

And maybe they weren't….

"Well, we all know who won _that_ fight, now don't we?" There was a huge grin on Joey's face.

Yami and Ryou exchanged looks. "We do?"

"Yeah, Jesus died, so Death won!" Joey cried happily. Then he frowned. "Or did he? Because Jesus was resurrected… so that means Death lost… but if he lost, it means he died…"

"How can Death die?" Ryou asked.

"Get shot."

"What?"

"I read this book once. This guy shot Death, and Death died, so the guy that shot him became the new Death."

"But how can Death die? He's immortal."

"Only if he wears his robe. If he doesn't, then he's just a regular guy, and he ages like everyone else. If he wears his robe, he stops aging."

"So, if Jesus killed Death, Jesus would become Death?"

"Whoa, I guess that's what happened… Jesus is Death, man that's freaky!" Joey continued to smile like a fool.

Ryou just nodded. "But, if Death killed himself, who would be Death?"

"Man, that's a good question… we should ask him sometime."

"How can we ask Death a question?"

"I just saw him here." The blonde began to look around. "I swear he was just here."

"You _saw_ Death?" Ryou's tone was disbelieving.

"Yeah." Joey turned and jumped away from him. "Man, I found him!"

The white haired young man looked around. "Where?"

"Right here."

Ryou turned back to the blonde to see Joey was pointing at him. He frowned. "Me?"

"Dude, I'm standing in front of Death!" Joey grinned, then turned to Yami. "Hey dude, I'm talking to Jesus. _Jesus_! Can you believe it!" He turned back to Ryou. "Jesus man, I thought you were dead. You never told me you were still alive!"

Ryou hid his face in his hands. "Oh. My. God…"

"God? Is your dad here with you, man?"

Yami was watching this exchange go on with an extremely confused look on his face. "Let me get this straight… Joey can read!"

"You two are absolutely hopeless!" Ryou cried. "Yami, go find Bakura, I think we'd better leave."

"And what will you and Joey do?" Yami questioned.

"I'll take care of Joey and we'll both find Yugi. Now, go find Bakura."

Yami looked back out across the ballroom. He could see Kaiba slowly looking over people's heads, probably for him.

"How about I take care of Joey and you go find Bakura."

"No. Both of you are so crazy you can't be trusted to go through this place on your own. It's safer if I take care of Joey, and you go back into a roomful of people."

"Why is it good for me to go into a roomful of people?"

"Because if you do something stupid, everyone will see. And you'll be so humiliated you'll never do it again."

Yami blinked at him. "I feel like a dog…"

"Ironically, you look like a tramp." Ryou said with a smile. "Now, go find him!" He shoved Yami into the crowd and quickly pulled Joey off down the hall.

Noticing Kaiba was getting closer, Yami quickly dropped to his knees and crawled through the feet and legs of all the other guests until he was at a safe distance.

As he came to a stop he noticed he was standing beside a girl with rather nice legs. And from his spot on the floor, and with her back turned to him, he noticed she had a rather nice rear. And just above her rear was pinned a long black tail.

_A pussy cat..._ Yami thought. Instantly he jumped up, red in the face. It was her! His cat lady!

For some reason he had the urge to do something spontaneous. Like kiss her!

But how could he kiss her? He looked down at himself, remembering he was suppose to be a girl. Well, girls kissed other girls. He had watched it happen on TV, and everyone knew that anything that happened on TV could happen in real life.

So, he reached out, grabbed her arm, spun her around, and in his most girliest voice said, "I like girls!" Then, he kissed her.

And she shoved him away, slapping him across the face. "You perv! I am no woman!"

Yami's eyes widened as he looked at the face of the girl. Even under all that makeup, he knew by the voice it was-

"Bakura!"

"Yami!"

They stared at each other in horror. Yes, the lady in the cat costume was Bakura. At the same time, they both felt rather sick. Under all their makeup, they both turned green and ran to the nearby punch bowl, throwing up into it.

Once he was done, Yami wiped his mouth and spun on Bakura. "_You_ were the cat lady!"

"And _you_ were the French Maid! I kept seeing you, thinking you must be so wonderful! Now I know you're just a man in a dress!"

"You're one to talk!" Yami snapped back.

Bakura glared at him, then flipped some of his black wig over his shoulder. "At least I make it look good. And I actually look like a woman! It's so obvious you're a male!"

"Oh really?" The former pharaoh frowned and crossed his arms. "You just said when you saw me before you thought I must be wonderful!"

"What can I say? I have low standards."

"If I'm so manly, why did one guy grab my ass earlier tonight, and another hit on me?"

"Obviously they have low standards, too."

Yami glared at him. "One GRABBED my ASS! That definitely means I look like a girl!"

"And YOU KISSED ME!"

This made them both remember the horrible ordeal, and they couldn't look at one another anymore.

"Let's just forget about this." Bakura finally offered. "We'll never speak of it again. No one will ever know."

"Yes, I like this idea. But you can't tell anyone!"

"Why the bloody hell would I tell someone _you_ kissed me? That's absolutely horrible! Now, if it was Kaiba…"

Yami shivered and jammed his fingers in his ears. "You did _not_ just say that. I did not hear you just say that!"

"Oh Ra, did I just say what I think I said!" Bakura asked in horror. "I've been in his bloody dress for too damn long! Let's get out of here!"

"I agree."

Quickly the two went towards the door, where they saw Ryou, Joey, and a rather pale Yugi waiting for them.

"What happened to him?" Yami asked, nodding towards Yugi.

"Pegasus was forcing him to watch some movies about some creepy rabbit in an attempt to cheer Yugi up." Ryou explained, patting the young man in question's shoulder.

Yugi shivered. "Evil… rabbit… of… HELL!"

"Let's get him home." Yami mumbled.

"What happened to you two?" Joey asked, eyeing Bakura and Yami suspiciously. "You two look like you're sick…"

The two former spirits went stiff. "We're fine! Nothing happened! Let's go home!" And together they began to push the others towards the door.

"Wait, wait!"

They all turned to see Kaiba running towards him.

"I wonder what he wants…" Joey said his thoughts aloud.

"Oh crap." Yami uttered, and quickly he jumped behind Ryou.

Kaiba stopped before him, catching his breath. When he did, he pushed Ryou aside to reveal Yami cringing in fear. The former pharaoh forced himself to smile as he looked up at Kaiba.

"You were gone when I came back." The brunette said darkly.

"Something… came up." Yami said through clenched teeth, once again sounding like a girl. "I'm, uh, sorry?"

"It's fine, it's fine. I found you again."

_Oh yay…_ He thought, but said, "Oh, but it's a shame, I was just about to go home."

Kaiba looked around and finally realized the others that were there. They were all watching with questioning looks. "How do you know these geeks?"

"He-I mean, she's my cousin." Yugi quickly piped, forgetting about the horrific rabbit and popping up beside Yami. "Yeah, and now she has to take her _long_ trip home back to, um…" His voice trailed off, lost for a location to say.

"Uh…" Yami, too, was at a loss.

"South Africa!" Ryou piped, and quickly both Yami and Yugi nodded too, muttering about South Africa.

Kaiba raised an eyebrow. "South Africa? What a shame. When does your flight leave?"

"Right away!" Yugi cried. He grabbed Yami's arm and pulled him back a few steps. "So, we have to get to the airport. So sorry."

Yami began to inch away with Yugi, nodding all the while. "Yes, so sorry. It's too bad we, uh, didn't get better acquainted, I felt a real, um, a real connection with you. But, maybe it's for the best. Good bye!" And he spun around, quickening his pace. The others followed his lead, hurrying to catch up.

"But I don't even know you're name!"

He froze, then turned around. "It's Ya-" He began, but Yugi elbowed him in the ribs.

"Fake name! Fake name!" His counterpart said lowly.

"-Aaaamy. Yeah, Amy."

To his surprise, Kaiba had caught up to them all. "Well, until we meet again, Amy." And he grabbed Yami's hand and kissed it. Stunned, Yami stood there and became extremely white with fear and a bit of sickness.

But Yugi grabbed Yami and pulled him away, and before anything else could be said, the whole group took off down the street.

Once they were a few blocks away, they all stopped to breathe.

Bakura was the first to speak. "So, the pharaoh and Kaiba. When was I going to know about this?"

Yami glared at Bakura. "Watch your mouth, thief."

But the thief wouldn't watch it. "Yami, was Kaiba the guy who was hitting on you, or the one who grabbed your ass?"

"That's enough from you Bakura!"

"Kaiba grabbed Yami's ass!" Joey cried. Quickly he covered Ryou's ears. "Don't listen about this unholy act, Jesus!"

Ryou pushed Joey into the ground. "For the last time, I am not Jesus!"

Yugi watched as Ryou and Joey fought, and as Bakura and Yami fought. He sighed and followed them down the street.

_Some things will never change…_ He thought.

Slowly they all calmed down, and then became silent as they all reflected on the night's events.

"You know," Ryou finally said, bringing everyone out of their own thoughts. "For a tea party, I don't remember there being any tea…"

It was true. And they all laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Until Joey told Ryou he was funny for a dead guy, and Yami said something about Bakura was kissed by a guy, and once again all hell broke loose.


	9. The Letters

Chione: -_singing_- look at me, I'm beautiful and glamorous in rubber gloves. Look at how my tiara can be bent back to the shape it was. I can do the laundry and make supper while I'm on the phone. Look at me, I'm sexy as the devil when I mow the lawn!

Everyone: o.O

Chione: --.-- it's a song, called God Bless the American Housewife by SheDaisy. And it's freakin hilarious! Not quite as hilarious as The Truck Got Stuck by the Corb Lund Band. Ain't that right, Bakura?

Bakura: -_singing_- The Chev got stuck, and the Ford got stuck. And the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up. But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut that eventually pulled out the Ford.

Joey: -_sings_- with some difficulty.

Bakura: -_sings_- More rain than we've seen in a thousand years caused financial joys and biblical fears. It caused some laughs, it caused some tears, but more to the point of our story… For the first time in the collective mind that old brown prairie that had been so dry for so long was very muddy. Boggy and sticky.

Kaiba: --.-- yeah, yeah, we get the point…

Chione: but that's not even the best part!

Bakura: this is! -_sings_- truck after truck, we all got stuck. 'Cept the big ol' 4x4 Hutteright truck. We all thought, "Lord, are we in luck!" but he wouldn't come anywhere near us! Mighty neighborly… mighty neighborly…

Kaiba: --.--# -_just leaves_-

Chione: well, someone's crabby…

Yami: let's just get on with everything!

Chione: fine… -_to the readers_- guess what! I'm a working girl! That's right, I've gotten a job at the Zellars here in Regina. I'm not sure if they have Zellars in the states, seeing as it's part of HBC (Hudson Bay Company), and that's a purely Canadian business. I think…

-_cricket sounds_-

Chione: anywho, me having a job can mean one of two things: 1. The chapters will take even longer to get up because I'll be working a lot and have barely any time to write between school, work, and homework. Or 2. The chapters will start pouring out because I have to have one of the most boringest jobs in the world, and all I do is stand there, maybe help a customer or two, and daydream.

Yami: damn, I don't know which is better, no chapters or a lot of them…

Chione: I hope it's the second one, personally. I could use a good bit of inspiration. Speaking of inspiration, the chapter after this is in fact inspired by me working. So, enjoy! And to do the disclaimer is… Richard Nixon!

Dick: I am not a crook! -_holds up two peace signs_-

Chione: just get on with it, Dick.

Dick: Chione does not own Yugioh, and that's pretty much all there is in this chapter.

Chione: I don't think this chapter is too funny. I'm too tired right now for funny, but this has to happen for the next part of the story to work. So, forgive me if you don't laugh!

* * *

"Look at this place!"

Yugi stood in the doorway of his apartment, gawking at the state of it. It was a completely mess, with food packages, clothes, and things Yugi didn't even want to know what they were, scattered over the furniture, floors, and even stuck to the roof.

"We're gone for only four days," The short young man said, entering the apartment further and pulling Yami in behind him. "And you turn this entire place into a pigsty!" He gave a hard look to the perpetrator, Joey. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Uh…" Joey sat in the out-of-place chair and stared blankly at Yugi. "We're out of milk?"

"And every other kind of food we once had." Yami said from where he stood, looking into the cabinets and the fridge.

It the week after Halloween had been a long weekend (for reasons unknown…), and the college students had gotten both Friday and Monday off. Most of the young people had decided to go home, Yugi and his friends being some of them. But Joey had decided to stay, to "take care of Kuriboh" (even though the monster had stolen away in Rebecca. But Yugi knew it was because Joey didn't want to go home and have to listen to his sister make her wedding plans.

"Well, you made the mess." Yugi said sternly. "You have to clean it up. Before Kaiba and Marik get here."

The blonde pouted in his chair. "I don't wanna…"

"Too bad, young man. Now, get to your room and clean yourself up. No parties for you for awhile."

Grudgingly Joey stood and shuffled to his room, closing the door behind him.

"And have a shower!" Yami yelled at his friend's room. "You smell like you died!"

Yugi sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, taking in the mess of things. "I don't like how Joey's been acting. It's as if he doesn't care what happens to himself anymore. He's stop going to classes, and taking care of himself."

"And showering." The former Pharaoh added. "He smells REALLY bad. If he doesn't shower soon, I'll tackle him into any body of water with soap and a shower puff…"

Yugi was too busy being concerned about his obnoxious friend to notice what Yami had said. Though it was true; Joey hadn't bathed for nearly two weeks now. He never combed his hair, and he was now growing a beard from lack of shaving. His clothes hadn't been washed in a long time, and were stained with various things that Yugi didn't know could stain a shirt, so half the time Joey was walking around in smell dirty clothes. If he even remembered to put any on…

"I really think we should do something about him." Yugi told his counterpart.

"I think so, too."

"You do Yami?"

Yami blinked from where he stood beside the fridge still. "That wasn't me…"

"What? Then who was it?" Yugi looked around, trying to find the source of the other voice.

"Me. Down here."

Both of them looked down to see Tristan lying on the floor under the table, with only his head poking out. Yami and Yugi stared, lost for anything to say. Then Yami asked the most obvious question-

"What are you _doing_ down there?"

"I've been here for the past two days." Tristan told them matter-of-factly. "Me and Joey were playing hide-and-go-seek. He never came to find me. And I've just been too lazy to get up."

Yugi blinked. "That… strangely makes sense."

"Have you been here all weekend, too?" Yami asked, leaning over the kitchen counter to see his stupid friend.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you go home like everyone else?"

"Joey wanted me to stay. And," Tristan's face fell. "I don't have a home…"

"Yes you do." Yugi told him. "I've met your parents and your brother."

"Yeah… but they don't like me."

"Now you're just exaggerating."

"No, they seriously don't like me. The day I had to leave for college, they all held this huge party because I was leaving. And when I asked if I could party with them, my dad chased me to the bus stop with a shotgun and told me never to come back…"

To this the two spiky haired young men had nothing to say. They just sat there, quietly, and stared at Tristan.

Until someone attempted to open the door, but couldn't because Yugi locked it with the dead bolt. However, the person on the other side kept attempting to open the door, and shouted, "Open the damn door!"

"It's Kaiba!" Yugi cried, jumping up from his seat and grabbing Yami's arm. "Get into my room!" And before the former spirit could react, Yugi had shoved him into the room and closed the door tight. When he noticed that Tristan hadn't budged to open the door, Yugi crossed over and unlocked it for his angry roommate.

"It's about damn time." The brunette growled as he entered, his younger brother right behind him. "What took so long? And why was the door locked in the first place?"

"Because it was." Yugi told him. "Why didn't you have your key?"

"I forgot it…"

"And if none of us were here, how would you have gotten in?"

Kaiba was silent for a moment, then he said, "I'd break the door down."

The spiky haired young man opened his mouth to say, "No you wouldn't", but stopped when he saw the look on Kaiba's face. A look that said, "Yes. Yes I would."

"What happened to this place?" Mokuba asked, making everyone glance around the apartment.

"Uh…" Yugi began, but Tristan beat him to it.

"Joey is what happened to it."

There was a smug look on the young CEO's face. "Is that dog sinking lowering into depression? If he doesn't get his act together soon, I'll personally kick him out of the apartment."

"You can't do that, Kaiba!"

"Yes, I can."

Before Yugi could argue more, the door to Joey's room opened and the young man in question came out, holding a towel under his arm and his face looking vacant.

"Joey," Yugi said, giving a large, fake smile to his friend. "Are you going to have a shower?"

The blonde took in Kaiba, the faintest sign of hatred in his dazed eyes, then at everyone else in the room before speaking. "Yeah."

From Yugi's room, he could hear a faint "Yes!"

"What was that?" Mokuba asked, quickly looking around.

"Uh, must have been a breeze, I left the window in my room open." Yugi said quickly, crossing over to Joey and grabbing his arm. "Now, let's get you into that bathroom."

"Sure…" Joey mumbled, not really caring.

Kaiba, on the other hand, was going through the letters that had piled up over the pervious four days. He frowned when he came to a couple marked in red.

"What are these?" He asked, holding up the red lined envelopes.

"Letters." Joey told him. "I'd expect someone like you to know that, Kaiba."

"I mean what's in the letters, mutt."

Joey shrugged, though Yugi could feel his body tense up when Kaiba said "mutt".

"I don't know what's in them. Does it look like I opened them?"

At this Yugi quickly pulled Joey towards the bathroom. Kaiba opened the first of the letters, and quickly read through it. Just as Yugi was about to shove Joey into the bathroom and lock him in, Kaiba let out a shout.

"What the hell is this!"

Yugi released Joey and spun to his other roommate. "What?"

"This." The brunette held out one letter, and Yugi took it as Kaiba opened more and read through them.

They were letters from the apartment building manager, saying that their last two rent payments hadn't come to him. And if they didn't pay him soon, or pay the next month's payment, they would be evicted.

"They all say the same thing, though not as pleasantly as the first." Kaiba said, handing the rest of the letters to Yugi. "I gave you my part of the rent."

"I know." Yugi told him. "So did Marik. And I gave both of those, and my quarter, to Joey to give to the manager."

Everyone froze, then turned to Joey who was slowly swaying where he stood in the bathroom doorway.

"Joey…" His friend said in a calm voice. "Didn't you give the last two months rent money to the manager?"

It took a few moments, but finally Joey spoke. "Nope."

Yugi took a deep sigh, trying not to loose his composure. "Then, what did you do with it?"

"Spent it." The blonde's response was plain, as if it wasn't a big deal at all. But both Kaiba and Yugi were fighting the urge to jump at Joey and strangle him.

"What did you spend it on?" Yugi tried to keep his voice calm and even, which was the completely opposite of how he felt.

Joey bent down and grabbed a bottle off the floor. The bottle was still half full of booze, and the blonde stroked it with his face. "A reason to live."

Finally Kaiba snapped. He launched himself towards the ignorant young man and began to choke the life out of him. Both Yugi and Mokuba lurched forwards to try to rip Kaiba off his prey, while Tristan remained lying on the floor and hummed a little tune.

It took the two smaller people a couple of minutes before they pulled Kaiba off his roommate. But the taller man was still fuming and he paced back and forth quickly, ranting about what an idiot Joey was. Though he didn't use nearly as pleasant words.

"I am not paying for the same rent twice!" Kaiba finally spat out, red in the face from his fury. He pointed a finger at Joey dangerously. "You. You spent it all. You're going to pay it back. All of it. Every last cent."

"I don't have to." Joey said, still rubbing his swore neck but giving Kaiba a defiant look. "Right, Yugi?"

"Uh…" Yugi slowly moved away from his friend and closer to Kaiba. "I have to agree with him, Joey. What you did was reckless. You have to pay for it yourself."

Joey gaped, then said, "How! I don't have any money!"

"Then you should go kill yourself now, seeing as you can no longer buy your reason to live." Kaiba said coldly.

Yugi's mouth dropped to the floor. "Kaiba!"

Tristan finally jumped up from the floor. "I call his room!" And he ran over to Joey's room, went in, and closed the door behind himself.

"Tristan!" Yugi called after his friend, but knew it was a lost cause. Quickly he turned to Joey and patted his shoulder. "Don't listen to them."

Slowly Joey raised his eyes from the floor and met Yugi's gaze. "…huh?"

This caused the small young man to fall to the ground. When he got up he smiled in exasperation, a couple of sweat drops forming on his head. He patted Joey's head like he was a small child.

"Never mind…"

"He still needs to get the money." Kaiba uttered, making the others turn to him. "One way or another. It doesn't matter to me how he gets it, he could rob a bank for all I care. Just get that money."

"You sound like a mob boss or something…" Yugi told him in a low voice.

Kaiba said nothing, just gave him a look. It made Yugi shiver, and it was like he pretty much had said "Maybe I am." For some reassurance, the short young man turned to Mokuba, but the teen only gave Yugi a similar look that said "Maybe he is."

"Well… uh, that's nice." The spiky haired young man mumbled. He then turned to Joey. "You do realize what this means, don't you?"

Joey shook his head, making Yugi sigh.

"Joey, it means… you have to get a job."

A look of sheer horror crossed the young man's face. He fell to his knees, hands clutched in fists, eyes filling with tears, and to the roof he cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Yugi patted Joey's head as his friend began to cry hysterical tears. Kaiba shook his head in disgust, and Mokuba looked confused.

"Uh…" The teenager mumbled, watching Joey's crying fit. "Over dramatic much?"

Ignoring him, Joey grabbed onto Yugi's leg, his eyes pleading. "Not that! Please not that! It would completely kill my irresponsibility! The very foundation of my personality! My very core! I'll do anything you want, anything! Just don't make me get a-a-" He took a deep breath, unable to go on.

"Say it Joey." Yugi ordered. "You have to say it."

Joey shook his head frantically.

"You must get used to saying it if you're going to have one."

"Never!"

"Joey…"

"I-I can't say it, it's just too horrible a word!"

"But you need to have one."

"I'll never have any use for a-a-" He looked up at Yugi from where he was groveling on the floor. His eyes were pleading, but Yugi just gave him a hard look. "A- job." Once the word was out of Joey's mouth, he began to cry in hysterics again.

"This is what has to happen, Joey…"

"But-but there has to be another way!" The blonde crawled over to Kaiba, huddling at his feet. "Don't make me get a job! I'll do anything! I'll dress up in a dog costume and be your slave!"

Kaiba gave him a harsh look. "It's tempting, but no."

"Please! I'll call you "master" and do tricks like sit and stay! Please, Kaiba, please!" Joey kissed Kaiba's shoes.

"What they hell are you doing!" The brunette cried out. He kicked Joey in the face, sending him across the room. "Don't you _EVER_ do that again, you dirty mongrel!"

Joey landed in a heap across the room, where he curled up into a ball and cried some more. Sympathetically, Yugi went over to him and got him to his feet.

"This is what has to happen, Joey." He told his friend as he moved Joey with ease towards the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up, we'll start job hunting tomorrow…"

Joey didn't say a word, just allowed Yugi to take him into the other room to prepare of his death sentence.


	10. The Job Hunt

Chione: hey everyone. I know it's been awhile, but some troubling stuff has been happening in my life and I just didn't feel like writing at all. But, I've gotten off my tush and said, "I need to get a chapter done!"

Bakura: mostly because we made her with fire and pitchforks!

Cast of Yugioh: YEAH!

Chione: --.-- you all SUCK! Anywho, today our disclaimer will be presented by… TEA!

Tea: alright, Chione doesn't own Yugioh, Mortal Kombat, Green Peace, the Rubik's Cube-

Chione: though I do have one!

Tea: or Burger King, Good Burger, the song Let it Snow and the Knights of the Round Table.

Chione: I also have no connections to the Prime Minister of Britain, or the Taliban. And I'm not sure if there really is a store called _Skins and Things_, so if there is, I don't own it either! Now, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

"And now the series premier of _MORTAL KOMBAT!_ In The Retirement Home."

Yami was sitting on the couch before the TV, Kuriboh (which had returned with a frustrated Rebecca) sitting by his side with his face in a canister of coffee, and Bakura on the far end of the couch attempting to solve a Rubik's Cube.

"Stupid bloody thing…" Bakura mumbled to himself in anger. "I hate it! Why did I even attempt to try it!"

Slowly his mind wandered back to earlier that day…

_Early that morning_…

Bakura walked over to Yami who was sitting on the couch, playing with something colorful.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" The former spirit demanded.

Yami held up a cube made up of many colored, smaller cubes. "It's called a Rubik's Cube. You have to get all the same colors on separate sides. Want to try it?"

"Why would you want to waste my time playing with that? Unlike you, I'm not easily amused with colorful things like a child would be."

"I bet you couldn't do it." Yami's voice held a taunting tone. "I bet you couldn't beat my score."

Quickly the white haired young man snatched the puzzle-toy-thing from Yami's hands. "You're on. But what's your score?"

"I got all of those done in under an hour." He pointed to a large pile of the exact same cubes behind the couch, each of them solved.

Bakura smirked. "I'll get more done in half an hour!" He plopped down beside Kuriboh and slowly set to work.

_Back to the present…_

Yami looked over at the thief, a small smile of victory on his face. "How long has it been? Three, four hours? And you're still on the first one?"

"Oh shut up." Bakura snapped.

"I told you you couldn't do it."

Bakura shot a death glare at him and stood up angrily. "I give up! There's no solving this thing! You gave me a loaded cube!" With the cube still in hand he marched off into the kitchen area.

"I didn't load anything." The former pharaoh said after him. "You're just an idiot."

Something collided with the back of Yami's head, forcing him to go head first into the coffee table. Bakura had thrown the Rubik's Cube at him…

Yami grabbed the cube and shot up, his face red with rage. "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!"

But before Bakura could retort, Yugi entered the apartment from the hallway.

"Are you two fighting _again_?" The short young man asked, exasperated. "You're worse than an old married couple!"

This remark received Yugi an earful of foul words from both Yami and Bakura. Ignoring them, Yugi marched over to Joey's bedroom door where he banged loudly.

"Joey! Get out here!" He demanded. "It's been over a month! You need to get a job! We're going job hunting today!"

"Go away!" Came from inside the room.

Yugi sighed, then turned back to his yami who was now throwing a horde of Rubik's Cubes at Bakura.

"Yami, will you please?"

The former spirit didn't even look, but snapped his fingers. Instantly the door of Joey's room exploded, sending Yugi into the opposite wall.

The small young man coughed up black smoke as he slid from the wall onto the floor. Yami was instantly at his side, a scared look on his face.

"I, uh, used too much I guess…" A sweat drop formed on his head.

Yugi glared at him. "You guess?" Quickly he stood and brushed the black ashes off of him.

Half an hour later, Joey was sitting on the couch, soaking wet from Yugi and Kuriboh forcing him into the shower with his pajamas still on, and glaring at his best friend and the brown fur ball sitting on his shoulder. Yami and Bakura had disappeared into Bakura's apartment to continue their cube fight.

"Why are you making me do this?" The blonde demanded. "I just want to be left alone."

"Joey, we're behind on the rent because of you. You have to get a job."

"I don't want one!" He pounded his fists into the cushions like a spoiled child.

Yugi gave him a stern look and put his fists on his hips. "You have to. And to help us find you a job, I got some help." His eyes moved to the door and he nodded to the person there.

Joey turned in his seat to see who it was, and his eyes went wide.

"Mai!"

The blonde woman smiled brightly and launched herself at Joey, wrapping him in a huge hug. "Hello, dog breath! How are you?"

"Dog breath?" He gave her a confused look.

Smelling his breath as he spoke, Mai let out a gag. "Wow, I didn't know you actually _did_ have horrible breath! Sheesh, haven't you brushed your teeth in the last week?"

"Not for the last month, actually." Yugi piped in.

Mai shook her blonde curls mournfully. "What's happened to you, kid? This isn't the Joey Wheeler I know. Is Serenity getting married _that_ bad?"

"It is when she's marrying that scum bag."

"Hey, he was after me for awhile. It didn't bother you this much."

Joey's cheeks went red. "Yeah, well… it was _you_. You could take care of yourself… and well… I figured… you know…" His voice dropped low and his words were lost.

"Know what?" She asked.

"You know…You…" Joey said lowly, again his next words being nothing but a murmur.

Mai frowned. "Will you turn up the volume!"

"Were more experienced!" The young man shouted finally.

Both Mai's, Yugi's, and Kuriboh's eyes went wide. Mai let out a small screech and slapped Joey across the face.

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M A WHORE, WHEELER!"

"NO!" Joey said, cringing as Mai continued to hit him repeatedly. "I would never say that! I meant you were more experienced with handling jerks like that!"

Her hand froze in mid-strike, and then quickly she straightened herself. "I knew that. I was just making sure." Quickly she strode over to the door. "Get dressed, Joey. Then you guys meet me outside. We have job searching to do!"

As she glided out of the apartment, Joey collapsed onto the floor.

* * *

"Are you ready?"

Mai fixed Joey's wild hair. She, him, Yugi and Kuriboh (who was posing as Yugi's backpack, much to Yugi's dismay) stood in the doorway of some store who had an ad in the newspaper about needing help.

"What exactly do they do here?" Joey asked, looking around at all the snake skin boots, alligator purses and the like.

"I don't know." Mai admitted. "It's called _Skins and Things_, so I suppose they sell clothing made from animals."

Kuriboh let out a little cry, which received Yugi an odd look from a couple leaving the store.

The spiky haired young man blushed. "Uh… it's electronic."

The couple merely nodded and kept moving.

"Just go up there, and give them your resume." Mai said encouragingly to Joey, handing him a thing of paper.

"I didn't know I had a resume." The blonde said, flipping through the papers. "Wait, I never worked as a manager at Burger King…"

Mai waved a hand at him. "It's only minor details, nobody cares about that."

"Or for Green Peace. Or as the Prime Minster of Britain's body guard." Joey continued as he read the list of places where he had previously "worked". "Mai, it says I was in the Taliban!"

"I said it was only minor details!" She snapped, hitting him across the back of the head. "Now, get a move on!" She shoved him towards the front desk without another word.

Slowly Joey went to the store clerk, which was a large burly man in overalls stained with some foreign substance.

"Uh… hi. I'm Joey Wheeler." He started out slowly, holding out his resume. "And I heard there was a job opening here."

The large man slowly picked at his teeth with a toothpick, sizing Joey up. "Ever been out to a swamp before, boy?"

Joey shook his head. "Uh… once, on a field trip…"

The clerk spit on the ground with a disgusted look. "You ain't gunna learn what you need for this job on no field trip. Now, uh, ever seen a 'gator?"

"A-an alligator?"

"Yeah, a 'gator. Don't understand my speech, boy?"

"I understand it very well." Joey swallowed hard, though his mouth was dry. "An-and I've seen a few at the zoo."

"Ever seen a 10 foot 'gator coming right at 'cha?"

"N-no…"

The large man continued to size Joey up, then leaned over the counter and whispered, "Ever wrestled one?"

"N-n-no, sir."

"Do ya wanna?" The man said with a curl smiled.

Joey gave a feeble little shrug. "N-never really thought about it, but-but sure, why not?"

"'Atta boy!" He cried, snatching Joey's resume out of his hands. "I'll call ya if we need ya."

"T-thank you." Joey said hurriedly, then quickly went back over to Yugi and Mai.

Yugi gave Joey a concerned look when he saw how pale his friend was. "What's wrong? How'd it go?"

"Go, go, go!" Joey said, ushering them out of the store. "Somewhere else, _please_!"

* * *

"This place looks familiar…"

Joey, Mai and Yugi had slowly walked into a new store. It was a candy shop, with barrels filled with candy.

"I agree…" Yugi murmured as he looked around as well. There definitely was something familiar about the store.

"I have no clue what you guys are talking about." Mai told them. "But there's a help wanted sign in the window, so go do your stuff, Joey!"

The blonde approached the cashier, who was wearing a smock that matched the surroundings. The girl smiled brightly at him.

"I take it you're here on a job hunt?" She said sweetly.

"Yeah, of course." Joey said, warming up to her instantly. He held out his resume proudly. "How did you know?"

"You're not the first to come in today for that reason." Her face became distressed. "Nobody ever seems to want to come in to buy candy anymore. Not since, well, you know… I'm surprised anyone even wants to work here!"

Joey raised a confused eyebrow. "No, I don't know why anybody wouldn't want to buy candy from here. It seems to have a great selection."

"It does." The girl said, nodding her head. "But, you see," She leaned in close, her eyes darkening. "A few months ago, the guy who worked her was… murdered. And stuffed in a bin of licorice. All the money from the cash register was taken, and the store security footage was stolen. We still don't know what happened, nobody saw anything."

By now Joey's eyes were popping out of his head. That explained why the store was familiar, it's the one where Bakura had killed the clerk, and they had all stolen candy!

Realizing this, Joey slowly began to slink away. "How, um, tragic."

"It is… and this use to be a nice neighborhood. But now it's going to ruins, with theft and murder everywhere."

"Yeah, it sure is… But, uh, I have to, um, go." And without another word he shot out of the store, dragging Mai and Yugi after him.

The girl stared after him in confusion. "Uh, have a great day…"

* * *

"Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?"

The cashier stood behind the tile in a yellow and orange shirt and matching hat. A blank expression was on his face.

"No way in hell I'm working here." Joey declared, and turned right around and left.

Mai and Yugi shrugged, and followed after him.

* * *

"It says here that you belonged to the Knights of the Round Table?"

The girl behind the desk gave Joey a funny look as she looked up from his resume in her hands.

"It was, uh, a leisure basketball team." He lied.

As she continued to check over his resume, Joey gazed around the store. It was a clothing store, with mannequins in nice clothes, and tables with neatly folded T-shirts and pants, and a nice little area with couches for people waiting while loved ones tried on clothing. This was definitely a place where he could work.

"Well, everything seems to be in order." The girl said, putting his resume down. "I'll just go ask the manager when you could have an interview time." As Joey nodded, she disappeared into a back room.

Once she was gone, Joey jumped up with joy. Seeing his reaction, Mai and Yugi came over to him.

"Did you get the job?" Mai asked

Joey beamed at her. "I think I'm a shoe in. Thank you guys so much for helping me!" He gave them each a squeeze.

"Alright," The girl had returned from the back room and was holding a piece of paper. "He said you could come in- AHH!" She screamed as something furry launched itself at her.

"What the- KURIBOH!" Yugi cried, seeing that the furry thing was indeed the small little monster.

Kuriboh had caught scent of the girl's perfume, which, strangely, smelt like the Kuriboh pheromone, and sent the creature into a frenzy. And now the Duel Monster was attempting to crawl down the girl's shirt.

"Kuriboh! No!" Yugi cried, trying to pull the fuzz ball's head out of the screaming clerk's cleavage.

Joey hit Kuriboh on the head. "That is NOT how you act around a lady!"

They continued to fight with it, drawing weird looks from the surrounded shoppers. Until finally, Mai pulled out her pepper spray and got Kuriboh right in the eyes.

"HHHHSSSSSSSS!" Kuriboh released his grip on the girl's chest and began to writhe in agony.

Without a second thought, Yugi had the creature in his arms, and the group raced from the store.

* * *

"This was SUCH a waste of a day!"

Joey leaned back in the out-of-pace chair, back in the apartment. Yugi was in the bathroom, attempting to sooth Kuriboh's stinging eyes. Mai was in the kitchen, making food for all of them.

"It was that bad." She told him comfortingly.

He glared at her. "We went to twenty different stores, and each of them was either run by some creepy guy, smuggled illegal substances, or Kuriboh mauled the person looking over my resume."

The blonde woman sat down beside him and patted his knee. "There, there. Things will look better tomorrow."

Joey let out a deep sigh and covered his head with a pillow. "Someone, kill me now!"

The front door opened. Both blondes turned to see Kaiba enter, briefcase in hand. He didn't seem to notice Mai, his harsh gaze on Joey.

"Find a job, Wheeler?"

"No, I did not. Thank you SO much for asking."

Kaiba sneered. "If you don't get one soon, you'll be out on the street. And someone more important can have your room, like a hedgehog." His nasty smile grew. "At least a hedgehog would be able to pay his share of the rent."

"I'll get you your rent money!" Joey snapped at him. "I'm just having troubles finding a job, that's all."

The brunette placed his briefcase on the table, opened it, and began shuffling papers. "If it's so bad, why don't you work for me?"

Both Joey and Mai raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Doing what?" Mai asked.

"The odd job, here and there. Pretty much anything I see fit."

She scowled. "So in other words a slave?"

"Of course not." Kaiba said darkly. "Slaves don't get paid, he would. He'd be a servant."

"A servant? To you?" Joey's voice was dripping with venom. Then it changed to curiosity. "How much?"

"Enough for you to pay your rent and have plenty left over." Kaiba sat down and put his feet up on the table. "There are just some things I don't have time to do, and having a personal servant around could be quite helpful. Do we have a deal?"

Joey continued to stare at him. Then he raced over to the table and grabbed Kaiba's hand. "Deal."

"Joey, no!" Mai cried. "It's not worth it!"

"Hey, it's better than wrestling 'gators!" He told her. She only gave him a confused look.

Kaiba was smiling darkly. "For your first task, I want you to make me supper, while humming Let It Snow."

"You got it!" Joey said, saluting him. He began to hum the song as he rummaged for pots and pans.

At this time Yugi entered, his eyes falling onto Joey as his best friend dawned an apron. "What's he doing?"

Mai turned to him and sighed. "Joey just sold his soul for rent money…"


	11. The Christmas Special

Chione: --.-- yes, yes I know. I'm behind. It's January 5, and there's no Christmas special up. Leave me alone! I have a life, I can't be writing every single day!

Yami: well, you could…

Chione: (glares at him) who's side are you on!

Yami: my own side!

Chione: …right (pushes him off a cliff) anywho, between going to a wedding, work, and family events, I wasn't left with a lot of time to write-

Random person: LIAR!

Chione: (throws a shoe at random person) alright, I admit, I had plenty of time to write, I just had a major case of Holiday Laziness. And we all know that's the worst kind of laziness around! So, I apologize for the extreme lateness of the Christmas Special, but there will be one! This is that one! But, because of my own tardiness, I've decided that the Yugioh cast doesn't celebrate New Years. So, there will be no New Years special.

Joey: damn, no getting drunk!

Chione: --.-- like you need an excuse. Also, I've decided that I'm no longer doing holiday specials, because they're too much of a hassle. Also, you all should be forewarned that after this, I probably won't update again in awhile because Semester Finals will be going on, and I'll have to be studying my ass off for them.

Yugi: this is the most depressing pre-chapter thinger EVER!

Chione: I know, a lot of bad news… anywho, as I promised a couple chapters ago, to do the Christmas Special Disclaimer is Jack the Pumpkin King from the Nightmare before Christmas!

Jack: Chione doesn't own the Grinch, Hanukkah, Christmas, Marilyn Manson, Minime, Father Christmas, Baby Jesus, the Egyptian Gods, snow, Charlie Brown, Chuck Norris, Hilary Duff, any gift card companies, the Westerner's God, the Bible or the Church, the Three Wise Men, Weird Al, or the song _The Night Santa Went Crazy_.

Bakura: can't you just tell it's going to be an interesting chapter by all the stuff Chione has disclaimed?

Chione: and now, Ladies and Gentlemen, you get to read the much awaited Christmas Special!

* * *

"And now for our Holiday Special, _How the Grinch Stole Hanukkah_, with Marilyn Manson as Father Christmas, and Minime as Baby Jesus."

Yami raised an eyebrow as he stared at the TV screen. _What's so special about this time of the year?_ He wondered. This was the fourth two hour Holiday Special he had seen that day, and still no one had explained to him just what a Holiday Special, or a Holiday Season, was.

Outside there was snow, which he at first thought was a curse from the Egyptian gods (remember, he's Egyptian, he's never seen snow), then he thought it was a blessing. That was until Bakura got him right in the face with a snowball packed in with hard ice, so now snow is back to being a curse.

He also wondered why there was a pine tree in the corner of the apartment, and why Marik and Yugi were decorating it with strings of glittery stuff and shiny balls, as well as a large star. Yami shrugged, supposing they were getting the tree ready to be sacrificed in an effort to get rid of the dreaded snow...

The apartment door burst open and Joey entered, grinning ear to ear with a bags in his arms. Yami had noticed that the blonde's moods had been getting better, even though he had indeed sold his soul to Satan. It had taken time, but everyone in the apartment had gotten use to the sight of Joey in an apron…

"Hello, my brothers!" The blonde cried in a regal way as he set his burden on the kitchen counter. "I bring good tidings, and eggnog!"

"You can't have Christmas without good old eggnog." Yugi said from the tree, a large smile on his face. "Pour us all a glass, will you?"

Joey glared at his best friend. "Hey, I may be Kaiba's bitch, but I'm not yours. You don't pay me."

"I've saved your life!"

"I've saved yours. _And_ you still never pay me."

"Good grief." Yugi gave a sigh, then went and poured himself a glass as well as one for everyone else.

As Joey took his glass from Yugi, he ruffled the short young man's hair. "And a Merry Christmas to you, Charlie Brown."

When Yugi handed a cup of eggnog to Yami, the former spirit only gazed at it in question.

"It's eggnog." Yugi told him encouragingly. "It's good. You can't celebrate the holidays without eggnog."

Yami only wrinkled his nose at it and slowly raised it to his lips. But before he could take a sip, there was a scream from across the hall. Within seconds Rebecca burst into their apartment holding Kuriboh arms length away from her.

"Ten times!" The girl cried. "Ten times this little RODENT has gotten into my makeup and ate half of it! How many times do I have to tell you guys? Whoever is responsible for this needs to keep it on a tight leash!"

"Yugi's responsible for it." Joey, Marik and Yami all chorused before Yugi could blame someone else. This caused him to sigh and take the little critter from Rebecca.

"Sorry, Rebecca. I thought he was still in the apartment with us." He handed the monster off to Marik. "Can you wash him up?"

Marik frowned. "Why should I have to?"

"Well, Joey's Kaiba's servant, so I can't make him do it. And Yami's a Pharaoh," at this Yugi rolled his eyes. "So he won't do it. So, you can."

Marik pushed Kuriboh back towards Yugi. "No."

The spiky haired young man sighed and looked to Yami. "Will you?"

Yami nodded in understanding. "Servant, clean the shadow creature." He demanded. Instantly Marik was on his knees, uttering apologizes of utmost sincerity, then grabbing up Kuriboh and running into the bathroom to clean it.

Rebecca blinked in amazement as the sound of flowing water and Kuriboh hissing came from the bathroom. Yugi, Joey and Yami merely smiled.

"I wish we could do that to Bakura…" Rebecca uttered. "At least then it would be worth having him around."

Yugi only nodded and went into his room, coming out with two jackets and his wallet.

"Where are you going?" Yami asked, sitting straighter.

"To the mall to buy Rebecca new makeup." His old host said as Rebecca squeaked in happiness and latched onto him. With a bit of a struggle because of Rebecca's clinginess, Yugi tossed the second jacket to Yami. "And you're coming with."

Yami glared at him, not wanting to go into the cold. Slowly he put on his jacket, grumbling to himself, and followed the shorter two out of the apartment.

* * *

"Why is it so busy?"

Yami watch as people rushed around him with a confused look. He had never seen the mall this cluttered. There was also something else he hadn't seen; a red miniature house with a big chair before. There was a man in a funny outfit in the chair, and children lined up to sit on his lap.

The former Pharaoh pointed at this scene. "Who's the obese man in crimson?"

"That's Santa Claus." Yugi said with a laugh as they continued to the store to buy Rebecca's makeup.

When Yami only gave the pair a confused look, Rebecca smiled. "It's Old Saint Nick. He knows if you are sleeping…"

"And he knows when you're awake." Yugi chorused.

"He knows when you've been bad or good."

"So be good for goodness sake!"

Together Yugi and Rebecca laughed and continued on their way, but Yami stopped and looked over at the mall Santa in horror.

"Dear Ra!" He cried. "He's some strange type of stalker pedophile! I have to save those little children!"

But before he could make his way over to the happy scene of kids, Yugi and Rebecca noticed that look on Yami's face and grabbed him.

"You can't send Santa to the Shadow Realm!" Yugi hissed as the two smaller people pulled Yami the other way.

"But-but the children!"

"He's just a holiday gimmick, Yami." Rebecca insisted. "He's not real. He's just a way to make the holiday seem magical for kids. And for the gift card companies to make a few extra hundred million dollars."

Yami blinked at them both. "So… this "Santa" is just a way for "gift card companies" to steal from the poor!"

Yugi cuffed his other half over the head. "No! He's a good guy. A _good guy_. Santa is suppose to make children happy. He doesn't steal anything."

"Alright…" The former spirit said slowly. "Tell me the story of this "Saint" with nicks people with his claws…"

By the time they got through the crowds and into the drugstore and Rebecca had found most of the stuff she needed, the two shorter people had told Yami everything he needed to know about the man in red.

"So…" Yami uttered from where he was leaning against a shelf. "This… fairy like man-"

"Elf like." Yugi corrected.

"Elf like man… goes into people's houses late at night… to leave presents for them… and then he flies away on his reindeer… to where he lives… at the very top of the Earth… correct?"

"Correct." Yugi said, smiling at Rebecca who smiled back. They had finally gotten through to him.

But there was a dark look on Yami's face. "Who the hell would believe that story? Did someone on cocaine make it up? Do you take these children as complete idiots? It's the most unrealistic story ever!"

"So is a story about a five thousand year old Pharaoh saving the world from a card game," Yugi muttered. "But you don't see us complaining…"

Yami spun around to face him. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing. Let's just pay for this stuff and get out of here."

The three pushed their way to the checkouts. Yami gazed around at all the people. Still no one has told him why it was so crowded!

"It's because it's Christmas Eve." Yugi explained when Yami finally asked. "They need to finish their Christmas shopping." When Yami just looked more confused, Rebecca and Yugi explained to him what Christmas was.

"So…" Yami uttered once they were done (and they had only moved a few inches forward in line) "This woman… who was a virgin… was impregnated by the Westerner's God… and had a son… and angels sang… and three kings said the child would be king… and today is the day of that birth… correct?"

"Correct." The short spiky haired young man said.

"…is the Westerner's God a pedophile?"

"What is with you and pedophiles? Are you that paranoid?"

"Well, it's true! He picks a nice, _young_ girl, and-"

"You know what, let's just drop it." Yugi decided, clamping a hand over Yami's mouth. "We'll talk of this no more."

They continued to wait in line in silence. Yami had his arms crossed and was mumbling to himself darkly. Yugi was rolling his eyes whenever he could make out something Yami said. Rebecca was scanning the crowds, trying to see if there was something else she had to pick up.

Then suddenly, she grabbed Yugi's arm, making him jump.

"Bec, what is it?"

"Look!" She pointed to a figure that was shoving her way through the front of the line. "It's Hilary Duff!"

And she was right. The pop sensation was pushing people out of her way, saying, "Out of the way. Do you know who I am? Let me to the front!"

"We have to do what she says!" Rebecca murmured. "I've heard that people who go against the will of Hilary Duff are never heard from again!"

Yugi nodded, having heard something like that as well. Slowly the two moved out of the way before the popstar reached them. But Yami, who was completely oblivious to who Hilary Duff was, continued to stand where he was, which was right where the young lady had to go to get to the front.

When Hilary reached Yami, and he was the only one not cowering in fear, she scowled and put her hands on her hips. She then tapped him on the shoulder. Hard.

"Yes?" Yami asked, turning to look at her.

"Um, could you move? I have to get to the front."

The former spirit blinked. "Why?"

"Because I'm a celebrity. That's what I do."

He blinked again. "A what?"

"Oh come on, you cannot say you haven't heard of me!" But Yami just continued to look at her blankly, which made her go white. "You mean, you haven't heard of me?"

"Can't say I have… Who are you?"

She looked over to her agents, a scared look on her face. "How is it that he hasn't heard of me? Everyone's heard of me! I am famous!"

"Are you?" Yami said, still confused. "Just tell me your name, maybe I have heard of you."

She smiled brightly. "I am-" Out of nowhere came a large drum roll. Lights began to flash and fog began to circle around everyone's ankles. "Hilary Duff!" There was large explosions in the back of the store, and fireworks started to go off.

Yami cringed at all of this. "Wait, I have heard of you."

Hilary began to jump up and down with happiness, until Yami said-

"You have that clothing line, _Slut Wear for Kids_."

At this the blonde's face went dark, and when she spoke it was like the voice of demons came through her lips. "_What did you say about my clothing_!"

Yami shrank back in fear. "It's not my fault! Rebecca said it to me first!" And he pointed a finger at his friend.

"Yami, you idiot!" The girl screeched. "Don't drag me into this!"

"But it's true, you did say that to me!"

Before Rebecca could retort, Hilary Duff had turned her demonic eyes on her_. "You dare insult the brilliance of Hilary Duff_!"

"Well, uh…" Rebecca fumbled for words. "Maybe I wouldn't… if you were a decent roll model for children!" When she saw the Duffmonster flinch, she continued. "Yeah, yeah, that's right. You're not a good roll model! You're teaching little girls that all they need is sluty clothing and makeup that makes them look like whores! You're the reason why today's youth is going to the dogs, and becoming dogs!" (A/N: I don't like Hilary Duff, and this is my honest opinion of her and what kind of role model she is.)

"_Lies! All lies! I inspire them!_"

"Yeah. To be sluts and think that no one will notice them unless they have more than fifty per cent of their bodies revealed. All you celebrities are like that!"

"_No_!"

"And what's more," Rebecca leaned in for this part. "I don't even think you're that pretty."

Hilary Duff let out a long hiss of agony, and then she cried, "_My minions, get them_!"

Out of nowhere an army of little brainwashed little girls appeared, hissing and clawing at the air. They began to charge towards the trio.

"Now look what you've done!" Yugi cried, grabbing Yami and Rebecca's arms. "Let's get out of here!" And he continued to haul them away, dodging around people in a desperate hope to get away from the psychotic minions.

* * *

"And they chased you all the way outside?"

Ryou was amazed by Yugi's story. The trio had made it back to the apartment safely, and now Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Joey, Marik, and Kuriboh were listening to their tale about their run in with Hilary Duff.

"Yep." Yugi said as he drank some hot cider. "The fresh air and sunlight seemed to break her control, and the girls all started crying because they didn't know where they were."

"How terrible!" Ryou said.

"Brainwashed children…" Bakura mumbled, rubbing his chin. "Now why haven't I thought of that? It's the perfect army! They can hide better than adults, because they're smaller. And who's honestly going to hit a child? It's bloody brilliant!"

Yugi just shook his head, then let out a large yawn. "Well, I'm going to turn in for the night. Tomorrow's Christmas, and we can't have Santa Claus knowing we're still awake." He gave a wink to Yami, then headed off to his room.

Slowly, the rest of the gang filtered to their own rooms until only Yami and Bakura were left in the living room.

"So, has Ryou explained to you about all this Christmas stuff?" Yami asked as he watched the log fire on the TV screen.

"Yes." Bakura mumbled. "Bloody confusing, isn't it?"

"Very. Today's mortals are so odd. They have to make stories for everything. I mean, a baby getting gifts from "Three Wise Men", come on!"

Bakura blinked. "There's Four Wise Men."

"No, there's three."

"No, four."

Yami gave the thief a questioning look. "Who's the fourth?"

"A man named Chuck Norris. He gave Jesus the gift of the beard. As time went on, the other Three Wise Men could see which gift Jesus favored, so they paid off the Church to write Chuck Norris out of the Bible. It's all a conspiracy."

The former Pharaoh nodded, as he could see that happening.

Tired of watching the log fire on TV because it never did anything interesting, except send off a spark every now and then, Yami changed the channel until both yamis decided on a show, which was called_ The Night Santa Went Crazy_, based on the song by Weird Al.

Eventually, the two slowly fell asleep and were out cold by the time Santa was eating all his reindeer.

That was, until they heard a thump on the roof. Both sat up with a start, staring at the ceiling.

"Did you hear that?" Yami asked.

Bakura glared at him. "No, I woke up because I had a bloody dream about man eating buttercups. Of course I heard that!"

"There's something else…" Yami's eyes squinted as he strained to hear the soft noises above. "Is that- no, it can't be… bells?"

"Probably a bloody burglar. Well, no one thieves from the Thief King! Let's go!" And Bakura was up and out the door before Yami could react. Slowly, and not without some grumbling, Yami got up and followed him.

The hallway was dark, all the lights out. Slowly the two fumbled through the darkness, cursing when they hit something in their way. As they moved to the stairwell and began to proceed to the roof, they could hear whatever was up there making its way down.

"It's coming close!" Bakura muttered over his shoulder. "Get ready!"

Yami nodded and moved up another step. Sadly, he missed the step and fell forwards, crying out as he did. This made Bakura yelp and spin around.

"What are you bloody doing?" He demanded.

"I fell!" Yami barked back. "And I'm fine, thank you very much. No need to worry, and thanks for your concern."

"Oh, don't be such a baby." The thief told him. Then he sighed and outstretched a hand. "Come on, get up."

Yami grabbed it and waited for Bakura to pull him up. It didn't happen.

"Bakura, what are you waiting for? Help me up."

"Yami…" Bakura's voice was low. "Is that your hand on my shoulder?"

"No…"

"AHH!" Bakura cried out. He turned around and punched whoever was holding onto him in the face. The other person let out a painful cry, fell back against the railing of the stairs, and fell over. Both yamis heard whoever it was hit the ground below.

Quickly the descended the stairs to the very bottom, but since it was so dark they still couldn't see who it was.

"Go get a flashlight." Yami ordered.

"Why should I? You go get one."

Yami sighed in aggravation, then quickly headed back to the apartment to get a flashlight. He then returned to the stairwell and shouted down to Bakura.

"What?" The thief called back.

"Catch." And he let the flashlight fall. Much to Yami's pleasure, it landed right on Bakura's head.

The pale young man began to curse, and his curses resounded in the stairwell as Yami made his way down. The former Pharaoh heard a click of the flashlight turning on, and below he could see the glow of the light.

"Who is it?" Yami called, quickening his steps.

"You won't believe it…" Bakura answered. "It's an incredibly fat man in a red suit."

Yami's eyes went wide, and he jump the last couple of stairs until he made it to the bottom. And he saw it was true; the figure lying in the bottom of the stairwell, illuminated by the flashlight, was a really large man in crimson.

"Bakura…" Yami's voice was low and slow. "You killed Santa Claus."

The thief scoffed. "There is no Santa. It's a burglar dressed that way."

"No, it's Santa!" He crossed over to the figure and poked its belly, which jiggled. "See? It jiggles, like jelly… and look! Rosy cheeks!" He poked the dead man's cheeks.

"It's cold outside, you idiot. Anyone's cheeks would be rosy!"

"But what about the bells? And how did he get on the roof?"

"I don't know, a latter? Besides, if he was Santa, wouldn't he come down a chimney?"

Yami glared at him. "None of the apartments _have_ chimneys!"

Bakura stared at the dead old man for a moment before saying, "Well… I killed Santa."

"You've sunk down yet another level." Yami said with a sigh. Then a thought occurred to him. "What do we do with the body? What will people think if they found out you killed Santa?"

"They won't think of anything, because they won't know." He said matter-of-factly. "We'll get rid of the body."

"How?"

Bakura thought for a moment, then smiled. "He's too big to eat," Yami suddenly felt sick. "And the walls and floors aren't made of wood, so we can't pry them up and hide it there. We'll hide it outside. Help me, will you?" And he grabbed one of Santa's arms and attempted to lift him up.

"Outside?" Yami questioned, but grabbed the other arm. Together they struggled to pull the fat man out of the apartment.

"Yes. You've seen those men made out of snow, haven't you?" Yami nodded. "Well, we just making this guy do a pose, and then cover him in snow. No one will be the wiser."

Yami frowned. "And what do we do when the snow melts?"

"We'll deal with that when we get there."

Finally they reach outside. With a struggle they got the large man to stand up, then put him in a cheerful pose. Quickly, before anyone could see, then went about packing snow over the man's features. Within half an hour they finished, and it just looked like someone had made a huge Santa snowman.

"What do we do about them?" Yami asked, pointing to the roof. Standing there, watching them with confused expressions, were Santa's reindeer.

"I got it…" The thief then crouched down and gathered snow into his hands. As he stood, he patted it into a ball. Slowly he aimed, reached back, then threw the snowball at the front most reindeer.

The snowball hit the animal's shiny red nose. It reared in anger, then took off into the air, forcing it's fellow reindeer to follow it. Soon, the animals and Santa's sleigh were out of sight.

Bakura dusted the snow off his hands, smiling. "Well, that's taken care of. Let's go get some sleep."

* * *

"Are Yami and Bakura still sleeping?"

It was early the next morning, Christmas Day, and the gang was gathered in the apartment and were just about to open gifts when Ryou had noticed the missing yamis.

Yugi just shrugged. "Let them sleep. Christmas isn't anything special to them."

As they all started to exchange gifts and open them, Tea rushed in, flushed.

"You guys, you won't believe it!" She said. "Last night, someone made this life sized snow sculpture of Santa. It's so cool!" Everyone quickly got up to check it out, leaving the room empty.

Yami entered from the room he and Yugi shared, rubbings his eyes. He saw the hoard of half-unwrapped presents.

"Where is everyone?" He asked the empty room. Then he shrugged, and returned back to his bunk bed to sleep.


	12. The Best Man

Chione: oh jeez, has it EVER been a long time!

Bakura: we got a break.

Yami: yeah, we disserve one after you made us kill Santa!

Chione: --.-- you weren't complaining at the time…

Yugi: but I'm sure the readers are now…

Chione: I don't think so!

Readers: -_just about to bring out their torches and pitchforks_-

Yugi: see, told you…

Chione: o.O but it wasn't my fault! Blame school, and work, and sicknesses! All of which I had. And of course, I had the most traumatic thing happen to me!

Bakura: you saw your parents having sex? Oo

Chione: EW, NO! I rolled my car, damn it.

Bakura: mutters too bad you didn't die…

Chione: --.-- hits him over the head with a frying pan

Bakura: x.x

Chione: THANKFULLY I'm alright and still am in one piece, but I can't so as much for my car… May this be a lesson to you all to WEAR YOUR SEATBELTS! I did, and that's pretty much the only reason I'm still here!

Yami and Yugi: write that down

Chione: and since I won't be driving for awhile, and for once I have a Saturday off of work, I finally have time to finish this chapter I started SO long ago! But that's not the point. Let's get this disclaimer done. Here today to do it is the one, the only… Yugi!

Yugi: -_rolls his eyes_- Chione doesn't own Yugioh, or _Dumb and Dumber_, or Jackie Chan.

Chione: and if there's an actual gang called "Heaven's Devils" I don't own them either! Now, onto the chapter!

* * *

"Joey, hurry up!"

Yugi stood in the bathroom, fixing his tie in the mirror. He was dressed in a nice black suit and crisp white shirt. In the living room were Tristan and Ryou. Ryou also wore a black suit, but Tristan wore a bright orange tux with matching top hat and cane.

"What's taking him so long?" Yugi asked as he left the bathroom and joined his friends before the TV.

"I don't know." Ryou mumbled.

Tristan cast a glance at Joey's door. "I hope he likes my gift for him. He needs as much cheering up as possible today…"

And that was the truth. Because the reason everyone was getting all dressed up was because it was the long dreaded day, Serenity and Valon's wedding…

It had taken a lot of persuading, but Joey had finally agreed to go to his little sister's wedding. Sober. Not high. And with pants on.

At that moment the door to Joey's room opened and he entered the living room, beaming. He wore a tux, top hat and a cane, all exactly like Tristan's only powder blue.

"OH MY GOD MAN!" The blonde cried, smiling at his friend. "You rock!"

Tristan jumped up and went to stand beside him. "Remember when we first saw that movie? We always swore that one time we'd do it!"

Yugi and Ryou exchanged looks, utterly confused, as the other two continued to strike poses.

"Do you know what they're talking about?"

Yugi shook his head. "Not a clue. What movie?" He asked the other two.

"_Dumb and Dumber_!" They cried in unison, and then continued to utter about how stupid Yugi and Ryou were for not getting it.

There was a knock at the front door, followed by, "You guys, open up!"

"It's Tea." Ryou said, getting up and heading for the door. "She must be done with Bakura and Yami."

He opened the door and allowed the people in the hall to enter. First came Tea, wearing a pretty blue bridesmaid's dress. She stiffened when she saw Yugi, who also went ridged.

"Hello, Yugi."

"Good to see you, Tea."

Everyone else exchanged glances. Things had been uneasy between the two since the incident on Halloween, even though Yugi and Tristan had made up. They quickly found some way of averting their gazes, Tea taking in Joey and Tristan's outfits and Yugi examining the two girls that had entered with Tea .

One was a pretty blonde with poofy hair and vivid magenta eyes, wearing a white sundress and pink shall. The other had hard brown eyes and long black hair, dawning a black dress cut short and calf high boots. Both girls were glaring at the entire room.

Ryou saw them, and clapped his hands together in pleasure. "You two look marvelous! Tea, you worked wonders on them, you can hardly tell they aren't women!"

That's right! The two gorgeous bombshells were really Yami (the blonde) and Bakura (the raven haired)! Unsure of how else to smuggle the two yamis into the wedding, Yugi and Ryou had hauled out the wigs from the duo's Halloween costumes and forced them into drag again.

"I absolutely hate you." Yami muttered, glaring at Yugi who only smiled back.

"We have to go over your aliases." Ryou said. "Just incase someone asks you a question. Bakura," He turned to his counterpart who glared daggers at him. "You're name is Kira. You're my cousin from Scandinavia. Alright?"

Bakura didn't answer, just muttered in a dark tone.

"And Yami," Yugi added, looking at the Pharaoh. "You're my cousin Amy from South Africa. Do you understand?"

"What if they asked us more about us?" Yami questioned.

"Just leave that to us, we'll make something up for you. And stick close to us, alright? We don't need some horny old men whisking you away."

"And don't think they wont!" Joey piped. "This is, after all, my family. It's full of horny old men! But enough of that, let's get this over with!" And him and Tristan linked arms and began to parade out the front door. The rest followed them, and Yugi locked the door behind them all.

* * *

"There you are!"

Mai waited for them before the church where the wedding was going to take place as the gang emptied out of Tristan's beat up old van. The blonde wore a purple version of Tea's dress; another bridesmaid.

"Serenity was nearly going ballistic! She thought you weren't going to make it!"

Tea sighed. "Mai, I'm here now and-"

"Who said I was talking to you?" Mai asked, blinking at Tea who turned bright red. "I'm sure Serenity could care less if you showed up. It's _Joey_ she wants to see right now!"

Joey blinked, obviously stunned. "M-me?"

"Of course! She wants to make sure her big brother is here on her big day! And-"

"Here it comes…" Joey mumbled to himself.

"She needs to ask you for a favor."

"Damnit, I showed up! What more does she want from me?"

"Joseph Wheeler!" Someone cried in a high feminine tone, hitting him over the head with a purse. It was the one person everyone would least suspect: Bakura.

"A girl's wedding is the most important day of her life!" Bakura continued in his girlish voice. "You better do whatever is in your power to make this day perfect for your sister, or else!"

Joey just blinked at him. "Uh-ok…"

"Great!" Mai cried, and grabbed Joey by the arm, hauling him off towards the church. With a grudgingly look Tea followed after them.

"Wow…" Ryou muttered, still looking at Bakura. "That was a really nice thing you did, Bakura."

"Yeah, yeah. Shuttup." Bakura snapped, slapping Ryou upside the head with his purse. "Now, where's the bar? If I'm going to be in a dress this entire time, I need to be drunk…"

* * *

"Joey! You made it!"

The moment that Joey entered her dressing room at the back of the church, Serenity was out of her seat and tackled him in a huge hug.

"Ah!" Joey cried, falling over onto the floor with his little sister on top of him, hugging the life out of him. "Uh… hey, Serenity."

"I'm SO happy now!" She cried, squeezing him tighter. "This is the best day of my life!"

"Serenity- you're choking me!"

"OH!" Instantly she was on her feet and pulling Joey to his.

He had to admit, she was lovely in a puffy white dress and her hair all done up. And was it a puffy dress! It made her look like a marshmallow, which kinda made Joey hungry…

"Do you like it?" Serenity asked when she noticed him looking at the dress. "Mom made it especially for me!"

"Of course!" He told her has his stomach let out a low growl. When Serenity gave him a look, he quickly distracted her. "Mai said you needed a favor?"

"Oh yeah!" A look crossed this face, which strongly resembled a puppy dog face. "Joey, we have a problem. Valon's best friend from high school was suppose to be his Best Man. And-"

"HOLD IT! Hold everything!" Joey cried. "Valon went to high school? Did he finish? I bet he flunked out…"

She gave him a dark look. "Yes, he did finish high school. And went to college. And has a Ph.D. in brain surgery. And he got all of that by the time he was ten."

Her brother's eyes went wide. "Holly crap! You're marrying a genius!"

"I try not to brag." She told him with a shrug.

"Wow… what went wrong?"

"He watched a Jackie Chan movie and decided there was more to life." Serenity said matter-of-factly.

Joey frowned. "Damn you Jackie Chan! You always corrupt people!"

"As I was saying," She interrupted, bringing Joey back to the topic at hand. "His best friend from high school was suppose to be Valon's Best Man, but he got in an accident on the way here."

"And let me guess, he has to be in the hospital for the rest of the night?"

"No, he's dead."

Joey's eyes went extremely wide at how casually Serenity said this. She didn't seem to skip a beat, because she went on: "So, we were hoping if _you_ could be his Best Man…"

"Me! Isn't there some other freak around that could take the position?"

"Oh, please Joey!" Serenity cried, and burst into tears skillfully as if she had tons of practice. "It would only be for an hour or so! Please!"

"Can't you get some other person to do it?"

"No! Valon and I talked about it, and we only want you in that position." She smiled brightly and instantly her tears melted away. Joey sighed. He knew it was too late, and he had already given in.

"I'm not changing out of my tux!" He said defiantly as Serenity hauled him down to the room where Valon and his Grooms Men were getting prepared.

"Oh, there's no need, you'll be just fine!" Serenity said with an innocent smile, and shoved him through the door. Then she was gone before anyone, especially Valon, could see her dress.

"Hello there, brother!" Valon cried, giving Joey a huge hug. "We can call each other "brother" now because we are due to law!"

The blonde frowned, grabbed Valon's face and pushed him away. "Get. Off."

And that's when he saw what all of Valon's Groom's Men were wearing. Powder blue tuxes, with matching hats and canes. Steam started puffing from Joey's ears.

"TRISTAN!"

"Serenity asked me for a favor!" Tristan cried, appearing at the door in his orange tux. "And she started crying! I didn't know what to do, man! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO! I CAN'T HANDLE CRYING CHICKS! I'M WEAK, MAN, FREAKING WEAK! I let you down!" And he ran away crying before Joey could say anything.

Joey looked over at Valon. "There was no best friend in an accident, was there?"

"Yes, he was in an accident. But he most definitely was not going to be my Best Mate. We had a falling out a few years ago. But the story was all Serenity's doing. She's a smart little sheela, she is!"

The blonde sighed heavily and turned to see the other Groom's Men. They were faces he knew; Allester, Raphael, even Dartz, and-

"Duke!" Joey cried in disbelief.

His friend smiled shyly a bit. "Hey Joey."

"What are you doing here?"

"Me and Valon go way back. We use to run in the same bike gang long ago."

Joey blinked. "You mean motorcycle gang?"

"Nope. Bike gang, as in bicycles." Duke told him matter-of-factly. "Back in fourth grade. We were the Heaven's Devils, seeing as most of the gang went to the same Catholic School."

He blinked again. "_You_ were in Catholic School?"

Duke beamed at this. "Sure was. Was a straight A+ student before meeting Valon. My parents always warned me about falling into the wrong crowd, but I figured since Valon was a ten-year-old brain surgeon, he couldn't possibly be in the "wrong crowd." Boy, was I wrong!"

"What happened to your "gang"?"

"It broke up shortly after Valon went to Juvie. Too much fighting over who'd be the new leader of the pack. And too many of us kept getting grounded."

"That… sure is nice to know…" Joey muttered.

"Let's not stand around anymore!" Dartz declared. "We have a wedding to prepare for!" And he began to place flower crowns on all their heads.

Joey sat down and grumbled. "Someone save me…"

* * *

Chione: oOoOoO, a cliffy! This chapter was getting long, so I decided to cut it in half. Hope you enjoyed it, and stay tuned for the second part! BYE! 


	13. The Moonshine

Chione: it's still been awhile, but less time than it took before!

Duke: are you ready to rumble?

Tristan: or watch a wedding?

Joey: …I'll take the rumbling -_goes to leave_-

Serenity: -_uses her iron muscle to stop him_- YOU CAN'T GO, YOU'RE THE BEST MAN!

Joey: I don't wanna!

Serenity: -_suddenly ten feet high_- oh, you'll do it. _And you'll like it_! I WILL NOT HAVE MY SPECIAL DAY RUINED!

Joey: O.o yes ma'am…

Serenity: -_all nice again_- YAY! I'm so happy you see it my way! -_hugs Joey_-

Joey: -_glares a Valon_- what did you do with my sister?

Valon: o.O she's always been like this, I swear!

Chione: YOU GUYS ARE GETTING OFF TOPIC! Today the disclaimer will be done by: Inspector Gadget!

I.G.: hello everyone! Chione doesn't own Yugioh, me, _Out Tonight_ from the Broadway Musical _Rent_, or Mojo-Jojo.

Chione: alright everyone, enjoy the grand conclusion of the pervious chapter!

* * *

"When's the bloody thing going to start?"

The group was sitting on the white lawn chairs in front of the church as everything else was getting hauled out into the sun. Certain events (such as Joey screaming at the top of his lungs that Valon was the incarnation of all evil and had spat on the Pope) had gotten them kicked out of the church and forced to have the wedding outside in the graveyard. If it hadn't been for Serenity being a long time friend of the minister, the whole lot of them would've been chased of the holy property with torches and pitchforks.

Ryou leaned over and hit Bakura over the head (he had been the one who complained before).

"Settle down!" Ryou hissed at his evil counterpart. "It'll start once everything has been moved outside."

"I think it's a good thing that it's no longer in the church." Yami mumbled. "I'm sure that Bakura would've walked through the doors and burst into flames…"

Bakura glared at him/her. "I'll have you know, thank you very much, that that only happens on Sundays."

Yami didn't reply, only muttered to himself about being referred to as "him/her," and fixed his wig.

"I feel so bad." Yugi leaned over and whispered to Tristan. "Serenity has to have her wedding in a graveyard."

"I think it's kinda befitting." Tristan told him, and when his friend gave him a confused look he said, "Well, within a week we'll be back here anyway for a funeral after Joey kills Valon."

"Or," Bakura piped in. "For a double funeral."

Both Tristan and Yugi gave Bakura a funny look. "Double funeral?"

The thief flipped some of his black wig over his shoulder and nodded. "Of course. Within a week the bride and groom will realize the huge mistake they made, and in an effort to not spend money on a divorce lawyer, they'll both commit suicide."

"Stop that!" Ryou said, once again leaning over and hitting Bakura over the head. "Why are you in such a foul mood?"

"I'm wearing a thong and it's giving me a killer wedgey…"

Everyone sitting around Bakura inched away from him a little bit. He just glared at them all.

"What? Women wear thongs."

"Bakura…" Yami uttered. "Tea didn't say you had to wear women's underwear."

"Well, that's the first I've heard of it!" He cried, standing up. "I'm getting drunk, who's with me?" Everyone remained seated and just stared at him. After a moment or two he growled, "FINE. I'll do it myself." And tossing the scarf he stole from an old lady earlier over his shoulder, he marched off to find the outdoor bar.

Everyone watched him go, then turned back around in their seats.

"At least we'll have some quiet now…" Yugi said lowly.

* * *

Bakura walked to the open bar in heels with ease, as if he had years of experience. He stopped right in front of the bartender and in his most girliest voice said,

"Give me a shot of your strongest stuff, pronto!"

The bartender blinked. "Yes ma'am." And brought out a bottle of moonshine.

Bakura raised an eyebrow. "Moonshine at a wedding?"

"Yes, ma'am." The bartender said. "Most of the Wheelahs are country folk. Can't have a weddin' without good ol' XXX. Need anymore proof of 'em being hicks, I hear-ed that Eusifus Wheelah dun brought a cow as a weddin' present. She's right fine, and standin' right over yonder." And he pointed out a huge gift amongst the other presents that was covered in wrapping paper, shapes like a cow, and swatting flies away with its wrapped up tail.

_Well…_ Thought Bakura. _That explains Joey's intelligence. His whole family is inbred…_

The bartender filled a shot of moonshine just as the wedding march began. Bakura turned to see first Allester and Tea parade down the aisle, then Rebecca and Raphael, followed by Duke and some enormous lady whom he seemed terrified of, Dartz and Ishizu, and finally Mai and Joey.

"Oh jeez…" Bakura mumbled, and looked down at his shot glass thankfully. "Not a moment too soon." He quickly swigged it turned to face the ceremony as the other guests stood to watch Serenity being walked down the aisle by her mother.

"Isn't it just beautiful?" A familiar voice next to Bakura asked. "My sister just looks ravishing in her dress!"

He turned to look at the speaker, but couldn't exactly focus on his face. _Holy shit, this is good moonshine!_

The speaker saw him looking and smiled. "My sister's the one in the yellow dress."

Bakura attempted to look that far, but he couldn't exactly see. It was all a blur. But wasn't Ishizu wearing a yellow dress?

He once again faced the speaker, trying to remember which one of Ishizu's brothers this could be. Well… it wasn't the prissy one, what was his name again? He didn't know, he didn't really care. All he knew was he was a prissy guy who wore tang tops and rod a motorcycle. And went crazy every now and then. He had identity issues, Bakura remembered foggily.

_So this is the big man servant brother_. Bakura rationalized. _What was his name, Ottomon? Odduson? Omo-Chocho? Mojo-Jojo?_

_Yeah, Mojo-Jojo, that's it!_

"Hey, Mojo-Jojo!" He found himself saying, but really wasn't thinking about saying anything. "Long time, no see!"

The other man (who incase you haven't figured out is Odeon) just gave Bakura a funny look. "I don't believe we've met before. I'm Odeon."

Bakura smiled and took Odeon's hand. "I'm, um… Kira! That's my name, Kira! But," His slurred voice dropped down to a whisper and Odeon had to strain to hear it. "My name's not _really_ Kira, but _shhh_! Keep it on the down low!" He gave Odeon a couple nods, and he just nodded along confused.

Before the audience the bride and groom were just starting on their vows and Odeon began to watch intently again. Bakura, on the other hand, took another shot of moonshine and started to get a little rowdy.

"This is so _boring_!" He said, stumbling into Odeon. "I want to dance!" And he grabbed Odeon's hands and attempted to get the larger man to dance with him.

Odeon frowned. "I'm sure you're a very lovely woman, but really, I want to see this."

"Why?"

"I love weddings." He said, and his eyes got all misty.

The thief just blinked at him. "Right. Wellllllll, I'm dancing." And he continued to dance and start to sing _Out Tonight_ as well.

"What's the time? Well it's gotta be close to midnight! Um… something-something-_some-thang_! Where this chick'll dance in the _flaaaaaaaaaaaaames!_"

As he sang this, Bakura kicked off his boots and started to unzip his dress. Luckily, Odeon noticed this and grabbed his hands.

"You can't take off your dress here!" The Egyptian cried.

Bakura glared at him and tried to pull away. "What duya mean I can't take off my dress? _I'm hot!_"

"Stop dancing and you'll cool down."

"Who're _you_ to tell _me_ what to do? I'll have you know that I'm a princess! That's right, a princess from some freakin' exotic land that you've probably never even heard of, you ape, you! And another thing-!" But he never got to finish that sentence because he just completely passed out.

Odeon caught him, a bit frightened. Luckily, nobody had heard any of Bakura's commotion other than the bartender. Now Odeon turned to the bartender and said, "A cup of coffee please?"

The bartender obliged, and Odeon propped Bakura into a chair and stuck the coffee under his nose. When he didn't stir, he tired to make the thief drink from the cup, but it only dripped down the sides of his face. Lost for anything else to do, Odeon dumped the coffee onto Bakura's head.

"AH!" The drag queen screeched, jumping up and wide awake. Once again, no one watching the ceremony heard him.

After a moment of cursing from being scolded by coffee, Bakura settled back into his chair and sat dazedly, still half drunk.

"Do you want to watch the wedding now?" Odeon questioned.

"Ok…" He said in a dreamy voice. Odeon turned him around and together they watched the ceremony.

By the time they got up to the exchanging of the rings (which was five minutes later), both Odeon and Bakura were moved to tears.

"This is so beautiful!" Bakura sobbed. "I take back the comment from earlier, about them committing suicide. They're perfect for each other, and will be together forever!"

"That's why I love weddings!" Odeon cried. "It gives me hope that one day I _will_ find someone to love forever! Most of the time I just loose hope!" And he continued to blubber.

Bakura leaned over and gave him a huge hug. "Don't talk like that, there's someone out there for you! I only wish that _I_ could find someone who could love me. Someone who could handle my craziness and rudeness, and see past all the sour to the kind lady I really am! But you, you have a chance! Don't loose hope!"

Odeon sniffed and turned to Bakura. "Thank you, it means a lot. But I don't think you're crazy, I think you're the most kindest, sweetest, and most interesting woman I've ever met."

"Really? You mean that?"

"Yes I do."

Tears filled the former spirit's eyes and soon he was bawling again. "Thank you!"

Odeon took his hand and patted it. He seemed to be thinking something, because he said, "Kira. I know I want to get married soon. Do you want to get married as soon as possible?"

Bakura thought about it for a moment, then said, "Yeah. I think I do."

"Then," Odeon took a deep breath. "Why don't _we_ get married?"

"Huh?" Bakura blinked.

"Yeah! Is that such a radical thought? I know we've just met, but I think you're great! I know I could love you one day. What do you say? What do we have to lose?"

The drag queen was silent for a couple moments. He must have forgotten that he was really a dude, because he said, "It may be the wedding atmosphere talking, but sure! Let's get married!"

"Oh, thank you!" Odeon cried, and hugged him. The two jumped to their feet, and ran off (for Bakura it was more dukenly staggering) to find the nearest Vegas-like chapel.

* * *

"The wedding was lovely." Ryou was saying to Serenity and Valon once the final part of the ceremony was finished and the newly weds had signed their papers. "I'm sure you two will be happy together."

"I know we will." Serenity said, smiling at Valon.

Joey came up from behind and put his arm around Valon's shoulders. "Hey, listen… You better treat my sister good, you hear me?"

"Of course, Joey, you don't have'ta worry."

"Uh, yeah, I do. Also, I don't want any nieces or nephews at the moment. If Serenity calls me to give me the "happy news," you're a dead man."

Valon just stared at him with wide eyes. "Alrighty then."

"I'll also be sending you a list of rules I want you to follow with her." Joey continued. "Break one and I'll know. I have people watching your every move."

"T-that's nice…"

"Yeah, it is for me too. And don't go pressuring her into anything because it's the wedding night. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to, got it?"

"Ye-yeah, I got it all right."

Joey smiled, but it was anything but sweet. "Well, that should be all. For now." And without a second glance he turned from Valon to congratulate his little sister.

Just then Yami ran up (in heels too, how impressive).

"You guys!" He said, pulling Yugi and Ryou aside.

"What is it?" Yugi asked, not liking the look on the former Pharaoh's face.

"I can't find Bakura."

"What?" Ryou and Yugi cried in unison.

"I can't find him! Last I saw of him, he was getting a drink, and now he's nowhere." Yami seemed exasperated.

"Oh no…" Ryou mumbled, looking all around. "Do you think he went into the Church and actually burst into flames?"

Yami rubbed his face. "It's a possibility…"

"No it isn't!" Yugi said, swatting Yami.

"Ow!" His counterpart cried. "How _dare_ you hit a lady!"

Yugi rolled his eyes. "Let's all split up. Asks guests if they've seen him."

So they did as they were told, Ryou telling Tea, Joey, Rebecca, Tristan and Duke as well. Ishizu also found out (what an eaves dropper) and said she'd help as well. The whole group set out, searching. Eventually, as all the guests started to leave, they met up in front of the Church.

"Any luck?" Yugi asked.

"What if he got cornered by some thugs who thought he was some hot chick or something?" Duke said his thoughts aloud. "Those poor thugs, they wouldn't stand a chance…"

"That's not it." Tea hissed at him.

Rebecca ran up to the group. "The bartender says he saw a girl that matched Bakura's description perfectly! Let's go!" And the whole lot of them rushed over to the bar.

"Yeah, I see-ed her." The bartender told them when they asked. "Pretty little thang, she was. Started talkin' to some big dark man who was all bald 'cept for a ponytail on the back of his there head."

"That sounds like Odeon." Ishizu muttered.

"I reckon that's what he say-ed his name was." The bartender told her. "Them two bawled over the weddin' like two old women. Then they alls gots a huffin', and ran off to get hitched."

Everyone blinked simultaneously. "Huh?"

"They've's gone to get hitched." When all he got was confused, the bartender said firmly, "Marry-ed."

"WHAT THE HELL!" Everyone cried.

It was Joey who quickly came to his senses. "Thank you, Jethro. You've been a huge help. Let's go, guys." And he ushered them all back towards the parking.

"You know that guy, Joey?" Tristan asked as they walked.

Joey nodded. "Yeah, that's my cousin, Uncle Jethro."

Tristan blinked. "You're _cousin_, _Uncle_ Jethro?"

"Yeah, it's along story, I don't like to get into it…"

"Odeon and Bakura?" Ishizu gasped, nearly fainting. "I should've always known…"

"No, no, it's not like that!" Yugi quickly told her. "He probably thinks Bakura's really a woman."

She just gave him a look. "And what about Bakura? Did he just forget he's a man?"

"It could happen." Yugi said with a shrug.

"We have to go after them." Ryou said. "We can't let them actually get-get-get _married_."

"Why not?" Yami questioned, an evil smile on his face. "I think they'd make a lovely match. Sure, there would be a nasty surprise on the wedding night for Odeon, but I'm sure they can work through that."

Everyone just stared at Yami in disbelief. Nobody said anything.

Yami glared back at them. "FINE, let's go after them."

Just then Allester, Raphael and Dartz approached them.

"What's wrong, my little buttercups?" Dartz asked, noticing their distressed look.

"Uh…" Yugi mumbled, unsure about letting Allester and Raphael know about Yami and Bakura. "Two of our friends seemed to have eloped."

"Well, that's a good thing, ain't it?" Allester asked.

Yugi felt a sweat drop form on his head. "Normally… but we believe one of them doesn't know what's going on because h-_she's_ under the influence. But the other probably doesn't know, so this could be a hugely bad thing."

"A damsel in distress!" Raphael gasped. "A villain taking advantage of her, um, drunkenness! NOT WHILE RAPHAEL IS HERE!"

"I agree!" Allester chimed in. "We will help you defeat this scoundrel!"

Tea couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Wow, have they changed…"

"What are we waiting for!" Raphael cried. "To the helicopter!" And him and Allester rushed off to a huge helicopter sitting in a nearby park.

Yugi gave a sigh. "I guess we have to go with them… let's go."

Slowly the rest of the group followed, not exactly what would happen on this "rescue mission" for both Bakura and Odeon…


	14. Notice

Dear readers, this is your author speaking (lol)

If you are reading this, I have some bad news for you. This is to alert all of you that there will be no more chapters for the story you are currently reading. At all. Ever again. Forever.

The reasons for this sudden turn of events is the following:

1. The summer is here, and I plan on spending as much time outside as possible. That sadly has the effect of keeping me away from the computer, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

2. Also because it's summer, I'm going to be working a lot. Most likely I'll have two jobs because I'm saving up for a trip to Europe next Easter. This alone will be very time consuming and when I'm not at work, I'll probably be too tired to write anything.

3. Lastly, the main reason for all of this: I'm giving up on writing. I know that for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be an author, but I'm not good at it, I can't finish a story, I get bored of my own stories too quickly, and it's just not fulfilling anymore. I use to get such a joy from writing, and that joy is not longer there.

So, there you have it, my three reasons that none of my stories will be continuing. I will, though, leave the stories up and not delete them so you and others who will come along, can reread what's there and wonder what could have been.

Lots o'love,

-Chione


	15. New Notice, Yay!

Dear readers, this is your author speaking… again.

**I BEAR UNBELIEVEABLY WONDERFULTASTIC NEWS!!**

I understand it has been almost a year (on the ninth, it'll be exactly a year) since I've updated this story, and yes, I did say I will never update again, but guess what?

SCREW THAT!!

Here's a new notice for you: **within the next few weeks, I, Chione, will update with a new chapter!!**

The reason for this are: I wanted to start a new insanely humorous story (and I still probably will), but while I was thinking of a show I could write about (I was leaning towards Teen Titans), something hit. HARD_. No cast of characters is as funny as the Yugioh characters._ None, what-so-ever. The Titans are ok, but you can't really make Robin or Cyborg do incredibly stupid things, can you? It just doesn't work.

Now the Yugioh cast, heck, you can make them do anything you want! I mean, look at what I've made them do so far!! Maybe it's because their underage, but I can't see myself making any of the Titans dress in drag, get drunk out of their face, and run off to marry some stranger from Egypt. It just doesn't work.

ALSO, your choices in Yugioh are endless! In most shows, you have, like, a handful of characters. Yugioh, on the other hand, is practically BURSTING with characters to manipulate. It's a writer's dream!!

So, here's the game plan. Sometime during this week or the next, I'm going to write one more chapter for _College Days_, the final chapter. THEN, I'm starting a new story with the group, just because I want a fresh start and my writing style has kinda/sorta changed over the past year. ALSO, I want a new story line, no more college. I got something better.

You want to know that it is?

Do you really?

TOO BAD!!

I'll tell you all what I have planned for the cast at the end of the next chapter, ok?

SO STAY TUNED!!

On another, completely different note, I'm thinking of deleting the stories I don't plan on finishing (namely _Clipped Wings_ (not that anyone cares about that one…), _Til We Meet Again_, my Fable fanfic, and maybe _Children of the Millennium_ (though I might get back into that one, who knows?))

So yeah, that's my awesome-tubular-tastic news for all of you!! Woo!

(let's just hope I keep my word…)

Lots o'love,

-Chione


	16. More Notices!

**Author's Note:**

Yo, it's me, Chione. I know, I know, I have some explaining to do. I said I'd have a new chapter up weeks ago, and there is still NO CHAPTER!!

But it's been a stressful time. When I said I was going to start writing again, I didn't really take into account that my grade 12 finals were starting the week I was suppose to start writing again, and that took a lot of time. And of course, after that was all my graduation stuff (which I got a few awards at the cape and gown, go me!) I also started my new job, which is eight hours a day, five days a week!

The worst of it is my boyfriend and I broke up after a two year relationship, and it wasn't a clean breakup either, it was down right nasty and messy. It was two weeks ago, and I'm still trying to handle things. So I haven't exactly been in the most insane and random of moods lately.

I know, I know, it sounds like I'm just making up excuses. But sometime, hopeful before summer ends (oh jeez…), a new chapter will be up and running. I think I might have to team up with my friend Matt to actually get down and write it, he's pretty crazy, so it'll do me some good.

So yeah, just thought I'd explain the weeks of nothing that has been happening when I swore to myself I was going to get back into writing. And I still plan on doing it. I just need a bit more time, that's all.

Thanks for listening to my random and pointless explanation. See you all later!

-_Chione_


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